B/R Daily Radar: Hottest Stories for Wednesday, October 5
Much like me describing Hope Solo's body with my wife in the room, talking can get you into trouble. The last 24 hours have taught us that it's best to just keep your stupid trap shut sometimes.
Welcome to the Daily Radar, a place for all things important, necessary and life altering. If I failed to grab your attention by now, I promise to include a sexy pic of either myself or a famous athlete at the end.
Tuesday delivered MLB Playoff results that were so astonishing, I literally spit Diet Dr. Pepper out of my mouth, which is odd because I never knowingly imbibe anything diet.
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Will we ever be ready for some football again? How can I begin to care about the NBA season if the players and owners seem not to?
And how hard do you have to hit James Harrison to break his face? I thought that guy was an amalgamation of Ivan Drago, a sledge hammer and the last stage of Angry Birds. Dude is nails.
Without further ado, let's delve into all the hot topics bandied about Wednesday. Let us know what you think the top stories of the day should be in the comments, as we'll be updating the rankings throughout the day.
Let's dish.
1. ADRIAN BELTRE GOES BABE RUTH
The Rangers third basemen stayed healthy enough to belt three home runs, taking the Rangers to the ALCS. Beltre was the first player since Adam Kennedy to hit three home runs in a postseason game.
Question On Everyone's Mind: Dual questions here: How the hell did Adam Kennedy belt three home runs in one game? And who pitches to Beltre a third time?
Answer: There is no god. And Matt Moore, a rookie who has whiplash now.
Hype Meter: 4-out-5 Numbskulls
It would be five if I could convince more MMA fans and soccer nuts to take a gander at this sport of baseball.
Award for No Duh Tweet of the Day:
Related Link: ESPN Relives the Moment
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2. NBA TALKS, NOBODY LISTENS
A bunch of millionaires met with some billionaires to discuss a game that costs hundreds to go watch. On Tuesday, those talks faltered, convincing me that these guys are far too rich to get anything done anytime soon.
Question On Everyone's Mind: Will we have an NBA season?
Answer: Will LeBron James ever stop losing his hair?
Hype Meter: 5-out-5 David Stern Bobble Head Dolls
If I don't have the NBA this winter, my Lakers Snuggie is just not going to look right. This is the worst of my worries.
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3. JAMES HARRISON BREAKS FACE
The biggest hitter in the NFL broke his face. I will let that sink in for you folks that may be suffering a paper cut from Xeroxing this morning. The injury couldn't come at a worse time as the Steelers are trying their best to just keep guys alive at this point.
Question On Everyone's Mind: Can the Steelers rebound to defend their AFC Championship?
Answer: With James Harrison's face caving in, Ben Roethlisberger's foot falling off and Rashard Mendenhall's hamstring resembling my own, I would say no.
Hype Meter: 2-out-5 Terrible Towels
With the Jets and Eagles, there are just too may contenders resembling the squad from Little Giants for me to care right now. I say fire the coaches and hire Rick Moranis post haste.
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4. HANK WILLIAMS JR. APOLOGIZES, ESPN CONSIDERS BEING LAME
Hank Williams Jr. and his Hitler comments continue to be a hot-button issue. People with no sense of reality side with the man, and ESPN may do so as well. The country singer has apologized, and ESPN may lift the ban on the clever little jingle.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Will we ever have another Williams Jr. infused Monday Night?
Answer: ESPN has been very vague in their ban on Williams. They may soon be referred to as the Worldwide Leader in Slaps on the Wrist. Kinky.
Hype Meter: 3-out-5 Looney Bins
This subject will die down as the weekend approaches and folks get to the bars and forget about critical issues. By Monday morning, it will be headline news once again.
Good Point Tweet of the Day:
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5. YANKEES STAY ALIVE, BURNETT REVIVES CAREER
Despite the worst fears of every Yankees fan, AJ Burnett did not bring the rapture and kill the Yankees season. Instead, the Yankees took the Tigers, placed them on their laps and spanked them for roughly nine innings. It was a little awkward to watch.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Has AJ Burnett figured it all out?
Answer: This is like watching a "Saved By the Bell" where Screech doesn't screw up, then expecting that to happen in every episode.
Hype Meter: 5-out-5 Samuel Powers
ESPN only shows highlights of the Yankees, Red Sox and WNBA games. This will be beaten like a horse that died sometime in 1986.
Related Link: The Star-Ledger Runs Down the Yankees Rout of Tigers
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6. HOPE SOLO POSES NUDE, TEENAGE BOYS ASK PARENTS FOR FIVE BUCKS TO BUY MAG
The Internet is good for two things, finding sports scores and locating all the naked women. By now you have seen that Hope Solo will pose nude for ESPN the Magazine, making it the first must buy magazine in the history of journalism.
Question Everybody's Asking: What did we do to deserve such fortune?
Answer: At some point, we all must have sold our souls for this to actually happen.
Hype Meter: 5-out-5 Shwings, Giggities and Awooogaaaahs
Expect to hear a lot about Hope Solo from now until Friday. At which point you will see a lot of Hope Solo.
Related Link: USA Today Runs Down Everything Body Issue
As promised, here is a sign of things to come. I give you Diana Taurasi from last year's issue of ESPN's Body Issue.
Until tomorrow my fine friends, be sure to drink your Ovaltine.
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