Larry's Losers in the SEC: Week 6 Perfect Pigskin Predictions for 2011

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer)

Well folks, it seems that the doctor said that the misses I've made so far this season has caused me such heart problems that I have to go under the knife on October 11th to fix a problem.

So with the impending surgery planned, I decided it would be best to get all the fun out of life I could beforehand and eat, drink and be merry on the beautiful shores of Pompano Beach, Florida with friends. So that means I'm flying solo this week as the pigskin picking pooch is with his own friends in Panama City Beach, Florida.

Last week with his help, we managed to be simply mediocre with our picks at best going 4-3 overall.

We didn't see Auburn mastering the mustard to mash the chicken dinners in football pads from South Carolina, but then who the heck did except for Gene Chizik's mother. Likewise, Ole Miss continues to be a thorn in our side by us never knowing how bad they'll suck, and I'll never listen to Bacardi again try and talk me into voting for that pack of putrid pooches who can't live up to any expectations in Mississippi State.

So while licking our wounds from that bunch of befuddled picks, let's get back on the right track and improve our poor 37-8 record.

Vanderbilt at Alabama

The Commodores from Song City, Tennessee come sailing southward with their chests all pumped out with a nice 3-1 record with visions of bowl games dancing in their heads.

But these Rolling Tiders are gonna give 'em a Crimson wave that will capsize their ship this week and leave 'em looking for calmer waters to find those other three wins in.

You could almost call this an off week for the Tuscaloosa-tusked terrifiers, as maybe the second and third-string teams will get some valuable playing time, because in the end, it won't matter who is on the field in those Crimson jerseys, they'll walk off as the winners.

Larry's Loser - Vanderbilt

Tennessee at Georgia

Mark Richt aims to douse the fire that's been burning his back pockets for a while by staking claim to the lead in the SEC East by toppling Tennessee in topsy-turvy fashion.

But Derek Dooley and the Dudley Do-Right Volunteers aim to claim some of that lead for themselves by punting these pooches from their own yard.

It'll be interesting to see what kind of firepower these Vols can bring to bear against this pack of pooches, but in the end, a Dawg fights harder when he's defending his own yard.

Larry's Loser - Tennessee

Kentucky at South Carolina

Stephen Garcia is like an old MG midget. They're fun to drive and get the job done when they're running right, but that ain't too often as they're prone to break down just when you need them the most.

This week, Steve Spurrier claims he's finally gonna bench the five-time suspended Spurrier's-on-Prozac quarterback in favor of someone who will show up sober and try to throw as many touchdown passes for his own team and he does completions to the other team.

As pitiful as the cavalcade of Kitties from Kentucky are, the new quarterback Connor Shaw won't have to be brilliant, just sober to pull off this win.

Larry's Loser - Kentucky

Florida at LSU

It's bad enough that the swamp Lizards have to come crawling into LSU's lair still limping and without their quarterback as a result of being trampled by the big Elephants from Tuscaloosa last week, but to have to fight a second top-two team back to back may be just too much to bear.

The boys from down Bayou way aren't too worried about these wrecked reptiles reeking any havoc with their plans to dominate the SEC and aim to finish the Gators hopes off any kind of SEC East Championship.

When it's all over, the Gators will find that these past two weeks have been the longest in their whole reptile lives.

Larry's loser - Florida

Mississippi State at UAB

Dan Mullen's Mississippi Mutts have been mauled three times this season and bring in a dismal 2-3 record into a game where most people thought that they'd be coming into at 4-1.

Thank God they're playing the UAB Blazers. The only thing these darned Dragons have blazed this season is their own winning percentage by losing every game they've attempted so far this year.

Though I've given up on these putrid pooches this year, they still have enough bite to finish off these drug dead Dragons.

Larry's loser -  UAB

Auburn at Arkansas

What is it about this bunch of tepid Tigers that look so pitiful one week and be able to win the next? For them to beat South Carolina last week was quite a feat. They didn't look too great, but South Carolina became the poster child for ineptness last week.

For Auburn to win again this week, they're gonna have to harass these Hogs while they're havin' their worst week of the season and Bobby Petrino doesn't intend for this to be that week.

Auburn's roller coaster season goes on this week, but with a big downhill run as these Hogs hurt the Tigers and tusk 'em back to the reality that they're an SEC has been.

Larry's loser - Auburn

Well, that's it for this week in the wonderful world of woeful pigskin picking. I hope to be able to dictate the dirty deeds of next week's losers to you from a hospital bed recovering from having the old ticker fixed from years of abuse and heartache in not being able to provide perfect prognostications permanently.

So keep me in your thoughts next week and may your team not wind up in the final tally of Larry's Losers last line.