Metta World Peace: 10 Things Ron Artest Can Do Now that he's Off DWTS

So you think you can dance, Ron "Metta World Peace" Artest?

Well guess what, pal? You can't.

So, with Artest or World Peace or whatever the hell we're supposed to call him being the first "star" to be eliminated on "Dancing With the Stars"—and with the NBA lockout in full "We aren't going to budge" mode—what is Ron Ron supposed to do with all of his free time?

If he's smart, he'll take one of my 10 following suggestions. And no, "be a comedian" most certainly won't be one of my suggestions.

10. Drop the Name, Start a Charity

Because "Metta World Peace" is just stupid, man.

But with the publicity you generated during your "name-change" period, you could start the Metta World Peace Organization of Cancer Research, since you decided to do DWTS at the request of you daughter, Diamond, who is a cancer survivor.

And before this piece gets too snarky, it is pretty awesome that you are donating all of your DWTS earnings to the Cancer Research Foundation, even if those earnings will now be pretty sparse.

Good looking out, Ron.

9. Go Play for the Cheshire Jets

Yes, there is actually a British Basketball League. And yes, their basketball is the same as our basketball, unlike football.

This move has been delayed because of DWTS, issues with the Jets failing to offer Artest insurance, etc. In late August, Artest told the Los Angeles Times that he expected to be with the team by Thanksgiving.

Assuming there is still a lockout in the NBA, of course.

8. Join the Cast of "Celebrity Apprentice"

Reality television needs you, Ron—don't give up just because you aren't a very good dancer.

Join "The Donald" and put your businessman skills to the test. Make a few jokes about his hair, seeing as you are a comedy savant. Get in a fight with Meat Loaf, I don't care, just keep appearing on reality television.

7. Make a Video with Steve Nash That Goes Viral

Sure, you might not get as many hits as Nash's "Step Brothers" video with Baron Davis did, but humor me for a second.

Here's what I'm thinking: "Grumpy Old Ballers." The two of you live next to each other and constantly fight about things, like Artest always throwing elbows during pick-up games, or the fact that Nash is legitimately cool and Artest is totally jealous of that fact.

And you go ice fishing together and bicker the whole time, and each fall in love with the same old lady, and Phil Jackson appears as Artest's father and say things like, "You mount the woman, son, or else, send her out to me, huh?"

Instant classic.

6. Celebrity Boxing Against Nyjer Morgan

Convince FOX to bring back "Celebrity Boxing," challenge Nyjer Morgan "T. Plush" Morgan to a fight, and make this bet with him: The loser drops their lame name change or stupid alter ego, whichever applies.

And then go all "Malice at the Palace" on him. Do it for humanity, Ron Ron.

(Can you tell the Nyjer Morgan really, really grates on my nerves? Is it obvious?)

5. Become an ESPN College Basketball Analyst

Listen, ESPN can never have enough former players who take forever to make a point, step on the host's toes by making bad jokes at inopportune times, occasionally recite statistics and "facts" that are blatantly false, and get all prickly and self-important when the other analysts question a point they are making or tease them about their playing days.

Ron Artest would fill this role beautifully.

4. Marry a Kardashian

Though this may not be possible, seeing as all three are spoken for.

But don't fret, there is a backup plan on this slide: Just change your name to Metta World Kardashian, Ron. I'm sure they'll invite you into the family with open paychecks—er, arms.

3. Co-Host a New Television Program, "Tweet This!"

Here's the concept: You take one character from each of the four big sports—Metta World Peace, Chad Ochocinco, Brian Wilson and Paul Bissonnette—and have them respond to sports-related tweets sent their way and talk about anything else they want to.

That's the idea.

Simple, I know, but wouldn't you watch those four sit around and chew the fat?

Yes, yes you would.

2. Do a "Funny or Die" Sketch with Blake Griffin

And here's the newest video Blake Griffin did, "Flight of the Griffin."

Here's the video Griffin and Artest should do together: "Blake Saves the Starving Artest."

In the video, Artest is living in a crappy apartment in a seedy part of town, broke as a joke because his various artistic endeavors—rapping, comedy, dancing, etc.—have failed him.

Artest happens upon a basketball court one day, where Blake Griffin is totally owning a bunch of 12-year-olds in a game of pickup basketball. Griffin is gloating about it, beating up on the kids and acting like a real jerk, when Artest—in haggard clothing and reeking like a homeless man—steps on the court and says, "Hey man, why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

And then the two play in a game of redemption for Artest, in which Griffin totally schools him, but after the game tells Artest that he should be chasing a career as a basketball player rather than constantly failing as an artist. Griffin then claims that he has been watching Artest—in a creepy, stalkerish sort of way—and purposefully picked this court to school 12-year-olds, knowing Artest would walk by and meet his destiny.

And then Griffin flies away, and Artest goes and buys hair dye.

1. Create a Rap Group with Other Basketball Players

It would be the Wu-Tang Clan of basketball players turned to rappers: Metta World Peace, Shaq, Allen Iverson, Tony Parker and Chris Webber.

If this were basketball, that would be a nasty starting five.

So what would we name this "super" group?

A few suggestions: The Ballers (too obvious), Hoopa Troopa (too campy), Jurassic 5 (already taken), The Shaq-Fu Clan (too many egos to give Shaq title props).

They would probably settle on a name like H.O.F. and have a lyric in their first single that went something like this: "Yo, H.O.F. ain't here to play / You can polish our plaques or move out the way."

There is a reason I'm not a rapper.

Be sure to hit me up on Twitter (@TRappaRT) along with the entire B/R Swagger team (@BR_Swagger)