Alabama and Florida to Rest Starters for Key Rivalry Games (Satire)

November 24, 2010

Gainesville, Fla. (AP)—Urban Meyer and Nick Saban both announced that their scrimmage players would be starting this Saturday in their teams' biggest rivalry games against Florida State and Auburn.  

"We've already clinched a playoff spot," said Urban Meyer.  "Even if we lose the SEC Championship game next week, we've locked up a wild card.  My guys are beat up.  They need a week off to rest."

Nick Saban is also benching his entire starting lineup for this year's Iron Bowl against Auburn.

"It's funny," said Saban.  "Two years ago we were in this exact same position, ranked number one and going to the SEC Championship game.  But in 2008 we had to win the Auburn game—otherwise we couldn't have played in the National Championship game.  Now that we have playoffs, it doesn't matter whether or not we beat Auburn."

Traditionalist fans of both teams are up in arms over the coaching decisions.

"I don't understand what they're complaining about," said Meyer.  "They were the ones all screaming for a playoff.  Now that they have one, they have to deal with the consequences.  My job as a coach is to do whatever it takes to win the championship."

Ticket sales are slow for the SEC Championship game in Atlanta next week.

"I'm not going this year," said Florida fan Steve Williams.  "It doesn't have the same juice.  In 2008, Florida and Alabama were playing to get into the old BCS National Championship game.  This year the winner just gets a higher seed in the playoffs.  So what?  Besides, I can't afford it.  I already sold my Wrangler to get the money to travel to the playoff games."

The playoffs, which kick off for the first time two weeks from Saturday, will feature a 20-team format.  They were originally set to begin last year as an eight-team poll-based playoff, but they were blocked by a lawsuit from the five non-BCS conferences.  They insisted on automatic berths for their conference champions.

After intense negotiations handled personally by President Obama, the current format of 20 teams, with 11 conference champions and nine wild cards, was agreed to.  

"This takes most of the voting out of it." said President Obama.  "That's what people didn't like about the old BCS system anyway—that voters decided who qualified.  It's more fair to allow all the conference champions in, and we need the extra wild cards to make sure the competition is level."

Some lower tier teams are struggling financially this year, since they had to drop a game from their regular season schedule to make room for an extra playoff week and no longer have access to a bowl game.

With the complete demise of the bowl system and lower revenues from the regular season, more and more teams are demanding access to the playoffs, which are already scheduled to expand to a 24-team format in 2011.