The Bottom 10 of College Football: Akron Almost Zipped

Money don't get everything, it's true
What it don't get, I can't use
Now give me money (that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want)
That's what I want (that's what I want), yeah
That's what I want

Barrett Strong

College Trustees and Presidents have proven to be the greediest people in sports. 

And that's saying something.

These beacons of higher learning are greedier than a bunch of carnival barkers and as slippery as the sleaziest snake oil salesman.

How much money do they need?

College football has become a culture of greed, from the College Bosses begging for television bucks, to the Bowl Bigwigs bringing in millions while maintaining tax exempt charity status, to the bad breathed booster peddling cars and cash so kids come to play football.  

Greed is good, but is it better than Big East Basketball and traditional football rivalries?

Is greed going to be better than Nebraska vs Oklahoma, Penn State vs Pitt, Texas vs Texas A&M, Syracuse vs Georgetown, Oklahoma vs Texas or Pitt vs West Virginia?  

1. Akron [0-3]

The Zips have been zapped 142-17 after three games. It seems Akron's only hope is to somehow get the Kansas City Chiefs on the slate.

Of course the way things are going in Kansas City, the Chiefs might soon be in the Zips Conference.

2. Boston College [0-3]

Duck Duke is in town.

When was the last time a program said that?

With the Red Sox and Boston College collapsing its only a matter time of time till the Patriots lose 14 in a row.

 

3. UAB [0-2]

Down 88-10 this season, the Blazers hope to double that against East Carolina this week.

4. New Mexico [0-3]

Outscored 125-16 so far this season, New Mexico still has a chance to be a charter member of the new Big East.

If the Lobos can just lose to the Sam Houston State Bearkats this week they will be ready to roll winless into their annual battle with New Mexico State.

5. U Conn [1-2]

After losing to Iowa State and Vanderbilt, Coach Pasqualini is confident he can bring down the U Conn program just like he did the Orange of Syracuse.

6. The Big East

The last good bye as abrupt and brutal as Syracuse's and Pitt's fast farewell to the Big East was in the movie LA Confidential, when Captain Dudley Smith shot Smiling Jack Vincennes in the forehead over coffee in his kitchen.

Poor TCU is left alone on the Texas plains, buried up to their sweating necks in sand and being covered by stinging fire ants.

West Virginia looks like it is just being left alone.

7. The Big 12

Oklahoma might stay if Commissioner Don Beebe is given a Fredo Corleone from The Godfather boat ride. But Texas considers Oklahoma its Fredo to their Texas Michael Corleone.

Texas might stay if given the divine right of kings over all households in Oklahoma and Kansas.

Texas might stay if given forty percent off the top of all Texas and the Little 8 conference games.

Texas might stay if given a few hundred thousand walking round money by Oklahoma each week.

Baylor might stay if someone throws five bucks their way.

Anyone ring ring the Mean Green of North Texas yet?

Al Capone was kinder to his Chicago rivals than Texas has been to its Big 12 brethren. Even the PAC 1.

 

8. Western Kentucky [0-3]

It is good to have Big Red back where he belongs. Have an Early Times, Big Red and kick back and enjoy the ride.

9. San Jose [0-3]

Hopefully the school gets lots of cash for the annual beatings this team endures.

10. Tie

Georgia[1-2]

Beating Coastal Carolina is something to brag about?

Penn State[2-1]

Barely beating Temple is a cause to celebrate?

How the mighty 1983 Sugar Bowl programs have fallen.

Maybe Penn State can come back east and join Pitt, Syracuse, Rutgers, Maryland, U Conn and Boston College in the ACC Yankee Division. 

The Yankee Division could play the ACC South in the Appomattox Bowl each December for the conference championship. 

Idle (and hoping to idle away the season)  Oregon State [0-2]