Great Expectations As Arizona Cardinals Prepare To Meet NY Giants

Hopes are high in Arizona as the Cardinals prepare for their meeting with the World Champion New York Giants.

Extra preparations are being made as the Cardinals attempt to continue an undefeated record at home. One Player was anonymously quoted saying "And pigs will fly too..."

In order to be ready for the NY Giant defense, extra stretchers have been placed on the Arizona sidelines. Several blood banks have put special effort into obtaining a large blood supply for use at the game. However, as one medical staffer was quoted "There just isn’t enough blood in the state of AZ to ensure what will surely be the greatest demand in Arizona Cardinal history."

Hopes for a Cardinal victory this Sunday were dashed even further when it was revealed that the Cardinal General Manager was unable to locate Jesus Christ and will be forced to start Kurt Warner instead.

"It's a sad day for all of us." Especially daunting is a clause in Warners contract that demands a traditional Viking funeral down the Colorado river should he be killed by a NY Giants defensive end. "At first, we didn't know where we would get a Viking Dragon ship on such short notice."

Fortunately, after examining the Cardinal schedule, the Bayliner Boat factory in Kingman AZ began construction of one early in the year and it will be ready come game time. One Bayliner executive stated "We all knew it was a long shot to sign the Lord in time for this game. We wanted to make sure Kurt would be honored in a manner befitting the level of sacrifice he is making for the Arizona Fans."

Several other deities were contacted but did not return phone calls. Scott Boras, agent for Lucifer, King of Darkness, said his player wouldn’t even consider playing against the NY Giants this week because he had a previous engagement with a Lake of Fire. When faced with making one appearance or the other, Lucifer quickly opted for the Lake, saying, "I may be damned, but I'm not damned crazy!"

The NFL Commissioners office stated earlier that following the utter annihilation of the AZ Cardinal team, an expansion franchise would be offered to AZ, perhaps to lay out of the Phoenix area. Speculation as to the name of this new franchise have included such names as the "Desert Rats" or "The Gila Monsters" While nothing can be confirmed as of yet, the speculation continues.

In a last ditch effort to save his team from certain Doom, The Cardinal's ownership recently petitioned the League, requesting they be allowed to upgrade their chances for victory by drafting the entire Washington Huskies team in order to play today’s game.

No such luck.

Other preparations being made include the first ever four-digit visiting score display. Ensuring that an accurate score may be kept. Unfortunately, expanding this display meant removing the display for the home team's scoring, which was termed by one official as "Irrelevant."

On a side note, an investigation has begun based on suspected hallucinogenic drug use by various sportswriters and broadcasters that picked the Cardinals to beat the Giants in today's game. Despite the fact that no such allegations have been made, it appears that there could be no other explanation.

More to come as details regarding this and other stories surrounding the ridiculous assumption that the Cardinals even belong on the same field as the G-men will come to surface as they become available.