The Sad Sack Seven: The NFL's Worst Week 12

The Kansas City Chiefs get a pass this week because at least Herm Edwards, after losing 17 of his last 18, is finally opening things up. When the Chiefs hit 1-14 expect the offense to be insane and the blitzers coming from all angles.

1] Detroit Lions 0-10

It's harder to go 0-16 than 16-0 but the Lions look very beatable every week. Unless they catch the Minnesota Vikings later in the year, with 800 plus pounds of Williams under suspension and QB Gus giving four or more interceptions as Christmas gifts, expect the Lions to run the table.

2] Cincinnati Bengals 1-9 and Philadelphia Eagles 5-4 [Tie]

The Bengals are very boring and very bad but Marvin Lewis is still conservative and clumsy on offense. What exactly do they have to lose at this point besides fan support?

It's amazing that an NFL Quarterback who has played ten years in the league and made tens of millions of dollars doesn't know there is overtime.

It's even more amazing that a below average wide receiver like the Philadelphia Eagle's Hank Baskett can attract a top quality tight end like Girls Next Door Playmate Kendra Wilkinson.

Let's hope Hank doesn't have to go deep for creepy Hef on his wedding night, but when the couple is finally introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Baskett, they have to break out Warren  Zevon for the bride.

I Give you Mrs Baskett

My baby is a basket case
A bipolar mama in leather and lace
Face like an angel—she's a perfect waste
My baby is a basket case

Dracula's daughter, Calamity Jane
Smoke on the water, water on the brain
She's pretty as a picture—and totally crazed
My baby is a basket case

She's gonna make a madman outta me
She's gonna make a madman outta me

She's manic-depressive and schizoid, too
The friskiest psycho that I ever knew
We're paranoid lovers lost in space
My baby is a basket case

My baby's gonna celebrate
I'm being dragged through the nuthouse gates
Got my straitjacket on and I'm taking her place
My baby is a basket case

She finally made a madman outta me
She finally made a madman outta me
My baby made a madman outta me
She finally made a madman outta me

3] Oakland Raiders 2-8

This week, scientists at Penn State said they could clone an extinct woolly mammoth for ten million dollars. This was not only very good news for Ted Williams' still frozen head, but also for Al Davis who needs to start cloning his offensive line from the 1970's.

Terrible Raider left tackle Kwame Harris gets six million bucks a year. If they can make a ten million dollar mammoth can't someone make an Art Shell for Al?

Note to Al Davis: A team lacking a semblance of an attempt at a block at the key left tackle spot cannot field any type of passing game.

4] Seattle Seahawks 2-8

The scary thing is this team is going to be much worse next year. What's wrong with football in the state of Washington? Do the Seahawks play the loser of the Apple Bowl for Worse team in Washington honors?

5] St Louis Rams 2-8

The Jim Haslett revival has come to a crushing halt as the ugly rammed reality sets in; the Rams are rancid.

6] Jacksonville Jaguars 4-6 and San Diego Chargers 4-6 [tie]

The two biggest disappointments in the league both lost yet again.

Norv Turner finds new roads to defeat each week. Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio crawled in his usual conservative shell and tried to run out the clock with a 14-3 halftime lead against the Tennessee Titans.

As usual Jacksonville Jack failed miserably in a close game.

7] Chicago Bears 5-5 

The Green Bay Packers exposed the Bears' badly fading defense and Ron Turner's limited offense. Ron Turner has haunted Chicago longer then Freddy Kruger haunted Elm Street. Can't Lovie Smith exorcise him from the Bears bumbling offense?

Lovie lost his defensive Mojo and he better find it really quick or else the lose Lovie chants start soon.