St. Louis Cardinals: 10 Moves the Franchise Must Make Before Next Season

Why have the Cards folded once again like a bad Spades' hand? One would have thought that experiencing yet another disappointing collapse after making moves before the trade deadline would have caused some heads to roll by now.

But the only thing rolling is the mighty Mississippi River not far from Busch Stadium. The once-mighty Cardinals have inherited meekness and the agony of defeat. The thrill of victory turned into the repeat chaos of collapse—a self-created false-flag crisis without a cure.

Last year, it was Ryan Ludwick who was dealt and watched the Cards collapse. This year it was Colby Rasmus. Razzies aside, the deciders deserve Bronx cheers and St. Louis salutes (boos).

Maybe the Cardinals folded because of the general manager, manager and owner who watched it all happen without speaking up against the powers that be.

10. Eat Big Mac Land

Whatever the cost, the glowing embarrassment known as Big Mac Land must go. Mark McGwire is one of the last active remnants of the steroid era, and it's shocking that he's in St. Louis.

Here's a message to the Cardinals majority owner: Mr. William DeWitt, Jr., tear down that land.

The sponsorship isn't worth the embarrassing subliminal association with McGwire.

9. Sign a Legitimate Second Baseman

The Bad News Redbirds 2011 are one of the worst defensive teams in the land. 

Before this season, they ran potential Gold Glove shortstop Brendan Ryan out of town, and he landed with the Seattle Mariners. He was also St. Louis' best utility infielder.

The comedy of errors is that the Redbirds piled up miscues like worthless Monopoly money, while Ryan was welcomed in Seattle for his supreme glove.

8. Ink an Elite Power Closer

It rains a lot in Seattle, but the Cardinals rained more blown saves on St. Louis. Octavio Dotel, 38-ish, may resemble Joaquin Andujar, but he's not the same pitcher as the man known lovingly as "One Tough Dominican."

Near the trade deadline this year, the Cards missed out on Heath Bell and acquired exactly nobody to fill the power closer’s role. Did I mention 24-year-old center fielder and future All-Star Colby Rasmus was traded in the process? No? Well, he was.

7. Sign a Top-of-the-Rotation Starter

I'm sure "was beens"—Edwin Jackson, Kyle Lohse and Jake Westbrook—are doing the best they can, but it isn't enough.

I realize Wainwright is coming back next season, but St. Louis deserves more than a team with one reliable starter. I'd appreciate it if the hunt started right about now.

6. Stop Selling the Fans Out... Now

The august Augustus Busch must be rolling over in his grave because of the way the fans have been treated. DeWitt, Jr. pales in comparison to the prior owners. 

His current manager, Tony LaRussa, claimed the ratty moves made around the trade deadline were for the benefit of the fans. That would be laughable if it wasn't so sad.

Where is the White Rat (Whitey Herzog) when we need him? Somewhere with a healthy heart, shaking his head near the telephone, I can only hope.

5. Bring Ozzie Smith Back More Frequently

I hope the fans see more of the Wizard of Oz and ask him to grant the team some heart and themselves the stomach to watch the comedy of errors. Ozzie returned to a rousing ovation on Willie McGee Day at Busch Stadium.

An Ozzie Smith year(s) would be nice. Maybe as the next manager, the Wizard—a Hall of Fame shortstop—can revoke the spell wrought by the LaRussa era's heart-wrenching shortcomings in the last few years.

4. Hire a General Manager Who Knows Something About Baseball

John Mozeliak has proven to be woefully heartless and incompetent.

First, he took care of Matt Holliday before extending Albert Pujols' contract.

Then, he let a potential Gold Glove shortstop go and brought in a subpar-fielding one. Next, he traded Ryan Ludwick and Colby Rasmus for almost no pitching.  

He's like a poor chess player—a fake Bobby Fischer—who doesn’t know a pawn from a rook. His moves have been tantamount to a baseball crook’s: he stole the NL Central from his own team.

3. Get Rid of Batting Coach Big Mac

What other team has ever had an admitted steroid user—a baseball crook—as a batting coach?  Not one I can think of. The Bad News Bears had Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau). With beer can in hand, he could possibly be a better option for the Bad News Birds.

As a long-time Cardinals fan and a history scholar, I find it embarrassing to see a home-run land where “Big Mac” glows in bright yellow letters—standing out like a steroid-inflated bicep.

2. Politely Ask Tony LaRussa to Move on

LaRussa is the man who reportedly knew nothing about the steroid-inflated biceps on his beloved Mark McGwire. Well, the good people of St. Louis have risen from their sleep and slumber.

This poll at stltoday.com says it all. Last I checked, 58 percent of the respondents to the poll voted for LaRussa to not return. 

I'll return, though, like a plot in a daytime soap opera. Except, I'll be better written and more entertaining.

1. Re-Sign Albert Pujols

Both Skip Schumaker and the entertaining Pujols' contracts will be lingering in left field.

David Freese is also arbitration eligible after next season. Clearly, the bigger fish is Pujols, but I’m not sure Mozeliak gets it. If Albert isn’t re-signed, then there will probably be the biggest fan revolt in St. Louis Cardinals' history. 

I’ll probably be leading it.

Catch me next time for quality programming on the next revolutionary episode of As the Redbirds Turn.

Comment, and/or contact Lake Cruise at [e-mail].