College Football's Worst: The Bottom Ten, Send Miami Lawyers, Guns and Money

Recall the tune playing during the last moments of the final episode of The Sopranos?

Remember that old Journey song that serenaded the Sopranos right before that mean-eyed fellow stepped from the bathroom and blew Tony's brains all over annoying AJ and the onion rings? 

"Some will win, some will lose, some were born just to sing the blues" just about describes the start of every college football season.

A few will win, many will be mediocre and a few will get their season blown out all over their greasy onion rings. 

1] Miami Hurricanes 

Few teams have started a season with so much potential to be such an utter disaster. New head coach Al Golden ought to just start each press conference by singing Warren Zevon's "Lawyers, Guns and Money".

Of course some boosters might take the Miami head man at his word and flood the team with corrupt cash, crooked lawyers and loaded sub-machine guns.   

2] Texas

Galactus eats galaxies, Texas kills conferences.

3] Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

Just because beloved Big Red is missed at the bottom.

Big Red battles arch enemy Kentucky in the Week 1 Bourbon Bowl.    

4] The ACC

A third of the conference is under investigation and this level of play is as good as it gets?

The ACC either has to up its payments to its players or just disband.

5] The State of New Mexico

Why won't the PAC-12 ever throw the Lobos and Aggies a bone and let 'em in?

6] The State of Ohio

Buckeyes, Bengals and Browns oh my!

At least the Buckeyes players can sell their memorabilia, no one will give a buck for anything a Brown or Bengal player has. 

7] USC

Soon someone somewhere will offer the lovely Lane Kiffin an extra hundred bucks to coach them and Lane will leave the Trojans in a lurch.

And how does Pete Carroll get a pass from the master of morality Roger Goodell and Terrell Pryor get a suspension? 

8] Rich Rod

Why must losing coaches collect more millions and haunt fans all day on CBS?

Can't they just go away for awhile...I mean doesn't destroying storied programs tire a coach out at all? 

9] Illinois

One word dooms Illinois: Zookie.

10] Vanderbilt

Isn't time to look for another conference?

How about Vanderbilt, Duke, Wake Forest, North Carolina, North Carolina State, Virginia, Army and Navy all get together and form a southern tinged super smart conference? 

But if Elon Phoenix licks the Commodores in Week 1 their season will be in the commode.

Bottom Ten Battle of the Week

Stony Brook Seawolves. vs UTEP

ACC triple wipe-out of the week

Richmond Spiders over Duke Blue Devils 

Bill and Mary over the Virginia Cavaliers

Jimmy Madison over North Carolina

Battle of Philadelphia Bowl

Villanova vs. Temple

The winner gets a chance to become the Big East newest member.

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