Fantasy Football Team Names: Top 10 Nerdiest Names This Season

Sports are for jocks. We know that much. But fantasy sports? That's nerd territory.

Come on, you know it's true. Fantasy sports may be based off the actions of big, strong men blessed with extraordinary athletic abilities, but the people that play fantasy are, at heart, total geeks.

That's why many of them choose not to hide it. Every fantasy league has at least one proud nerd, and he or she usually shows it by way of a blatantly nerdy team name.

I know this, of course, because I am one of these people. And if you're reading this, odds are you are too.

So let us celebrate, you and I. After all, the 2011 fantasy football season is fast approaching, and that means we will both soon be unleashing our nerdy team names upon our respective leagues. The only question now is which name we should settle on.

Well, that's why I'm here to help. Ahead of you of a list, and in it, you will find the 10 nerdiest fantasy football team names for this season.

Behold!

10. Millennium Falcons

This is an easy one, and it's what you get when you combine the reigning NFC South champs with the most badass starship the Star Wars universe has to offer. Or any universe, for that matter.

In case you're one of those blasted Trekkies and/or totally clueless, that would be the Millennium Falcon, piloted by the great Han Solo.

As a fantasy team name, Millennium Falcons more than does the trick. It will signify to your comrades that a) you are not completely without football knowledge and b) that your head is in the right place when it comes to sci-fi nerd-dom. 

With your team name set, it will then be time to draft. That's where the fun begins.

9. Oakland Raiders of the Lost Ark

While we're on the subject of George Lucas brainchildren and Harrison Ford characters, you can probably figure out how one could arrive on "Oakland Raiders of the Lost Ark."

A little too easy, perhaps, but I may as well admit that this one is a personal favorite of mine. Naturally, that has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a big Raiders fan, but it probably has more to do with the fact that I think Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the best movies ever made.

Not convinced? Well, you're entitled. Just know that those who underestimate this fantasy team name are at risk of having their faces melt off and their heads explode every time they look at it.

As a side note, many Raiders fans suffered the same fate when they found out Nnamdi Asomugha's contract had been voided.

8. Sgt. Peyton's Wounded Neck Band-Aid

For many years, Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning was considered the very best quarterback in the league. Some people still think he is.

But personally, I think there are plenty of reasons to worry about a guy who has had two neck surgeries in the last year and a half. His right arm may work just fine, but Manning is going to need full use of his neck in order to go through his reads.

No doubt your comrades in your fantasy football league are going to remind you as much if you draft Manning. If that is indeed your plan, you may as well roll with it by naming your team "Sgt. Peyton's Wounded Neck Band-Aid."

In the end, I suspect Manning will be fine. He'll just need a little extra help from his friends.

7. Bradford and Son

Thanks in large part to his strong rookie campaign, St. Louis Rams quarterback Sam Bradford is being targeted by many a fantasy player this year.

If you happen to be one of those players, why not find a way to name your team after Bradford? To that end, the best suggestion I was able to come up with is "Bradford and Son."

Are there any similarities between Bradford, the Rams, "Sanford and Son" and your fantasy team? To be honest, none that I can think of. That is, of course, unless you wanted to draw parallels between the salvage business in the show and Bradford's quest to salvage the Rams.

Yeah, that'll work. And if your fantasy team happens to hit the skids before you get around to putting Bradford in the starting lineup, the salvage metaphor will work once again.

Or maybe I'm just a big dummy. Up to you, I guess.

6. Palmer's Retirement Castle

Speaking of Cincinnati Bengals quarterbacks, I hope you don't make the mistake of drafting Carson Palmer to be your quarterback this year. I mean, you didn't want to do that in years past either, but especially not this year. He's been kinda-sorta-not really forced into retirement by Bengals owner Mike Brown.

In a way, that makes him not unlike Grampa Simpson, who resides in the Springfield Retirement Castle. If you're the sort who loves obscures Simpsons references, well, there you go.

If the other members of your league aren't quite up to speed with their Simpsons nerdiness, don't worry. Odds are they'll draw a connection between your team name and the $80 million Palmer says he has in the bank. With all that money at his disposal, it's not entirely inconceivable that Palmer would use it to build his very own retirement castle.

That's actually not a bad idea, come to think of it.

5. The Gobbledygook of Eli

Like all little brothers, Eli Manning is best when he's seen and not heard. He's generally been pretty good at honoring that idea throughout his career, but then he had to come out and say that he's in the same class as Tom Brady.

If you say so, Eli. I don't agree, but I guess you're entitled to your wrong opinion.

Others have not been so quick to let Manning's comments slide. To them, Manning comparing himself to Brady, perhaps the best quarterback in the NFL, is utter nonsense. He may as well have been speaking in tongues.

If that's your stance on this matter, I recommend you name your fantasy team "The Gobbledygook of Eli." As a bonus, your league-mates will probably congratulate you on coming up with something far more entertaining than the recent movie that bore a similar title.

You know, the one that taught us all that killing people who want what you have is the good Christian thing to do.

4. Master Chiefs

People over the age of 40 probably aren't going to get this one. But don't worry; that won't make you any less of a nerd if you actually go ahead and name your fantasy team the "Master Chiefs." On the contrary, you will be a quite the nerd. Hats off.

Sure, this is another easy one, as it's a simple matter of combining Kansas City's longtime NFL franchise with the protagonist of the most popular video game series of the last decade.

If I had to make a suggestion, "Master Chiefs" would be a good name for your team if you happen to be in a bigger league. It's going to take time for the draft to come back around to you after you make your pick, and your team name could inspire you to hop online for a few rounds of Slayer before you're on the clock for your next pick.

In other words, while everyone else will be waiting, you'll be winning. Unless you're playing me. Then you're totally [bleeped].

3. Dalton's Daywalkers

Believe it or not, there was actually one scout who was wary of Andy Dalton because he couldn't recall any redheaded quarterbacks in the league that were actually successful.

In other words, that scout feared Dalton because he's a Ginger. Clearly, he watches way too much South Park.

In Dalton's defense, he's not just any Ginger. South Park's "Ginger Kids" episode told tales of Gingers called "daywalkers." They're Gingers, but they supposedly don't have pale skin and freckles. Dalton does appear to fit that particular bill.

Thus, "Dalton's Daywalkers."

Now, you're definitely free to use that name, so go right ahead. But if you do, just remember that Gingers have souls too.

2. Stairway to Nevin

They're out there, and they just don't get it. I'm talking, of course, about the fantasy players who only draft players based on where they played their college ball.

Heaven help the guy who drafts all Miami players this year. He's never going to hear the end of it. My advice to that guy, wherever he is, is to just roll with it by naming his team "Stairway to Nevin." That's the best way to honor the fact that each member of his team has, at some point or another, been taken care of by former Miami booster and all-world scumbag, Nevin Shapiro. For nearly a decade, he was the football program's very own benevolent god.

I know it's depressing, Miami fans. But remember, the piper will lead you all to reason, and a new day will dawn for those who stand long.

Or so the song says. It also says that the forests will echo with laughter. I guess you can take that up with Stanford.

1. The Jake Is a Lie

In the days and hours before the 2011 draft, there were rumors that the Tennessee Titans were going to use the No. 8 overall pick on Washington quarterback Jake Locker. At the time, they all sounded like lies.

But nope, the Titans actually picked Locker with the No. 8 pick. And the whole world went, "What?!"

Yup, it was a shocker. But now that the Titans have Locker, they need to get him ready for the spotlight. To do that, they're going to have to put him through a series of tests that will be carried out in an environment of extreme pessimism.

At the end, though, there will be cake. And it will be delicious and moist.

If you have any idea what the hell I'm talking about, I recommend you name your team "The Jake Is a Lie." Also, keep an eye out for mantis men.