The Jason Hanson Offense? Hey, Why Not?

It seems that Detroit has finally lost their minds.

They've thrown rational thinking aside, perhaps long ago and proven it by starting a quarterback last Sunday who was a year removed from his last game and who didn't know the playbook as evidenced by only ten pass attempts.

Well, now that rational thinking is no longer something we have to worry about from our beloved franchise, I think we should welcome this new-found insanity with open arms.

Allow me to demonstrate.

The Jason Hanson Offense

"and the Lions receive the kickoff at their own 18-yard line, Brandon Middleton runs it out to the 25, and here comes...Jason Hanson?"

"I don't believe this Bob"

"Neither do I Jim, this will be a 78-yard field goal attempt"

Hey, why not? The Lions have exactly one player on their team since Millen took over that has any shot of making the hall of fame and that's their kicker. Quarterbacks throw interceptions, receivers drop balls, running backs have the possibility of losing yards.

Kickers don't have to worry about any of that. Hanson is as reliable as they come, so I propose just giving it to Hanson.

1st-and-10 from the Lions' 30-yard line? Bring out Hanson. Kickoff return to the opposition 18-yard line? Bring out Hanson.

It's safe, it's conservative, and it's bound to work at least some of the time. We'd probably eventually see the guy nail a record breaking 70 yarder, because that's the only way we'd ever score. The Lions would even save money on unneeded positions such as quarterback (pfft) or running back (yawn).

Go for two!

I must admit, the inspiration for this wondrous offense comes from the mind of Bobby Ross, who after that fateful game against the Arizona Cardinals years ago, I have always referred to as Bobby "Go For Two!" Ross.

The Lions scored first in that game and then inexplicably went for the two point conversion to try to take an 8-0 lead.

They failed.

Arizona then scored to take a 7-6 lead, and then again to take a 14-6 lead. On the Lions next score they were forced to go for two to tie the game, and again failed. The Lions ended up losing by two points. (Bet you didn't see that coming!)

OK, so it didn't work for that one game, but who ever heard of quitting a tactic just because it didn't work once?

Go for two! Every time!

Score first? Go for two! Down by three? Go for two! Leading by 17? Go for two!

What's the worst that can happen? The Lions don't convert and end up losing? That's going to happen anyway. At least consistently going for two can generate excitement among the fans and make this team somewhat interesting.

If it was good enough for Bobby Ross, I approve of it.

Play for the Lions Day

I'm honestly surprised the Lions haven't thought this one up yet. It would be a genius marketing move and really help with crowd participation.

It works like this. Each week a fan will be picked from the crowd to play a specified position on the team, such as quarterback or linebacker. The position will change from week to week. Rod Marinelli will go up in the stands during pregame, blindfolded and point at someone. That lucky person will then suit up for the Lions and play the position.

Since this is the exact same tactic the Lions use when drafting, it's bound to work for a single game. It doesn't really matter if you're athletic or not, if you're an elderly man, or a nine-year-old girl. These fans will play their hearts out each week which is more than we can say for our current Lions.

Old Folks Day

Bennie Blades, Chris Spielman, Lem Barney, Robert Porcher...the list goes on. Former Lions' greats whose glory days are long gone. Suit em up, get em back on the field.

Paris Lenon? Jared DeVries? Cory Redding? Leigh Bodden?

Ehhh, the kids just don't know how to play. They've lost their way and need to be reacquainted with old-school football.

I'm fairly certain that Lem Barney, even at his advanced age could at least stay within the same zip-code as the receiver he was assigned to cover.

Robert Porcher could make a path to the opposing quarterback by sheer intimidation. Bennie Blades and Chris Spielman all but epitomize the positions of linebacker and safety for the Lions.

What's it going to hurt, I mean really now. Wheelchairs and canes or not, suit em up, get em' back on the field.

If they can play basketball, they can play football

This is the kind of outside the box thinking Detroit would be likely to try. Hell, it almost worked with that Matt Millen guy right?

Take Tayshaun Prince for example, think he'd make a good receiver with that wingspan of his? Sure he would.

Pavel Datsyuk would make a fine return man, and probably a heck of a cornerback, too. After all, he leads the NHL in takeaways, that should definitely translate over to the NFL.

Magglio Ordonez is only a year removed from a batting title. High batting average obviously can translate to high quarterback rating and completion percentage right?

Suit him up, he's in.

Seriously, the Lions can't be overlooking this kind of talent. They could be innovators! Nobody has ever thought to look at a hockey team for NFL talent, the Lions can be the first!

Bunches of quarterbacks!

No one knows better than the Lions that the best distraction is a quarterback controversy. They unveiled their latest, last Sunday with newcomer Daunte Culpepper and Drew Stanton both seeing playing time while Dan Orlovsky is injured.

Why stop there though? If the fans love two or three quarterbacks competing amongst each other, they really ought to go nuts for a ten quarterback throwdown.

Sign whoever's available. Joey Harrington, Ryan Leaf, Vinny Testeverde, it doesn't matter. Then have whatever Lions figurehead you want call a press conference and announce "we don't know who's going to start on Sunday, they might even all split time"

Watch the ticket sales soar!

The Lions could even innovate a new offense where two quarterbacks play at once! It'll be all over sports-center.

I'm not as looney as Lions management though, so this is about all I can come up with. However I know the Lions can top this list, they manage to do something each week that I can only sit back and admire, or wait...I mean makes me want intervene by calling the local asylum.

Gotta love those crazy cats.