NFL Schedule 2011: Biggest Stinkers of the Season

I love the NFL, and I’ll watch—and handicap—pretty much every game all year. There are five games on the NFL schedule this year, however, that just aren’t worth my time. Most NFL games are thrilling and intriguing, but these five have a very high chance of being more painful than you can possibly imagine. Being forced to watch these five games in their entirety would be Guantanamo-level torture.

Cincinnati at Cleveland, Week 1

The name of the worst team in the league this year is going to start with a C. It will take a while for us to see if it will be one of these two or Carolina. What we know without a doubt, though—and what this game will confirm—is that no state is worse at football right now than Ohio.

Neither of these teams is likely to be very good at the end of the season, but at the outset they should both be awful.

Cincinnati will be breaking in a new quarterback. They have lost much more talent than they have gained in the offseason, and the ridiculous Carson Palmer drama is a totally avoidable distraction. They also have the worst head coach in football—at any level.

The Browns have to adjust to a whole new coaching staff. It’s good news that this head coach—unlike the last one—isn’t a total moron, but it will still be a rough transition. There is a 100 percent chance that this game will be unwatchable.

Green Bay at Carolina, Week 2

Green Bay is the defending Super Bowl Champion, and they are largely intact and hungry to keep winning. They are going to be tough to beat every time they hit the field.

Carolina is, to be kind, in the midst of a rebuilding process. Their new coaching staff has had no time to come to terms with the multitude of issues that need to be addressed. Their quarterbacks are wildly inexperienced and are going to be painfully ineffective this year. They lack depth and talent and are going to be fighting a serious uphill battle all year.

It is very hard to believe that this wildly lopsided contest will be even remotely competitive. Green Bay should have their backups in by the third quarter—and that’s not the only reason this one will feel like a preseason game.

Denver at Oakland, Week 9

Denver stands a chance of being somewhat respectable if they can come to their senses and let Kyle Orton start, but they seem determined to give the keys to Tim Tebow. Even with Orton taking snaps this is a team with a whole pile of flaws.

Speaking of flaws, the Raiders have been lousy for a long time, and if they are moving in the right direction they are certainly taking their time. They have questions all over the field and are going to struggle.

Neither of these teams is going to be exciting to watch this year, so when you combine them the flaws will be compounded and it could get ugly.

Arizona at Philadelphia, Week 10

On the field there is a chance this one will be decent to watch, though I suspect it will be lopsided because the Eagles should be elite and the Cardinals will likely stink.

The big problem I have with this “Battle of the Birds,” though, is the inevitable Kevin Kolb homecoming story. The media doesn’t have a lot of creativity, and this is just the kind of story that they are going to grab onto like a bulldog and beat into submission. By the time this one kicks off we’ll be so sick of all things Kolb that we’ll want to scream, and it will be mentioned about six million times a minute during the game.

If ever a game this year was going to be watched on mute, this one is it.

Buffalo at New England, Week 17

New England was the best regular season team last year, and with some aggressive moves they have a very good chance of repeating that feat. Buffalo is a team that's making some nice moves, but they are going to be a long way from competitive.

In the best of scenarios this would be an ugly, lopsided game—especially when played in New England. This is one of the last games of the year, though, so it is very likely to be even worse than it would normally be.

By this point there is a good chance that the Pats will have clinched their playoff fate, so they will be resting players and looking forward to the playoffs. The Bills are almost certain not to have anything to play for, so they will be looking forward to the offseason and some time off. Two unmotivated teams in a lopsided game—sounds totally thrilling.

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