The NFL's Worst Teams: The Cincinnati Bengals Blues and the Sad Sack 7

NFL teams should give their fans some small semblance of hope before the season starts. Instead, Bengal fans get a swift, hard welcome kick to the privates.

After all what excitement, unless you're the Brown family banker, does being a Bengal fan bring?

Some teams revel in rottenness. It seems their goal is to put out an inferior product year after year and sometimes, decade after decade. 

But once more into the breach, dear Bengal fans, once more. Maybe Andrew Luck looms.

Cincinnati Bengals

Every one has a breaking point. When will Bengal fans reach their breaking point and boycott the Bengals?

A stale coach, a very bad team, dispirited fans, the worst owners in sports and free popcorn make quite an opening day devil's brew. 

In good news, Cedric Benson is getting his usual 2.2 yards per carry in the Big House.  

And Andy Dalton has about as much a chance as General Custer's bugler at the Battle of the Little Big Horn.

Washington Redskins

The last man to treat Washington as bad as Daniel Snyder was British General Robert Ross when he burned D.C. in 1814.

Shortly thereafter, some hillbilly sharpshooter plugged Sir General Ross, and the British stuffed his stunned corpse in a barrel of good Jamaican rum and shipped it to New Orleans. 

Having Daniel Snyder own the Redskins is like having the ghost of General Ross burn Washington season after season after season.

Cleveland Browns

Maybe bringing the Browns back into the league was a bad idea, but at least they are favored by six over the Bengals.

The Browns are the most boring, bland franchise north of Jack Del Rio. 

Oakland Raiders

The labor agreement did not include a clause to restore Al Davis' mojo as his beloved Raiders remain lost at sea.

This year's NFL first-round picks, who lost millions on the new labor deal, should band together, track down JaMarcus Russell and pummel him at whatever buffet he is enjoying a Codeine cola at. 

Denver Broncos

What a mile-high mess these Broncos have become.

Seattle Seahawks

Nothing thrills season ticket holders like handing the horrid Tarvaris Jackson the keys to the highway.

All that money Paul Allen has, and he buys a T-Jack?  

Buffalo Bills

It's a win for Toronto each season the Bills stay south of the border.

Honorable Mentions

Jacksonville Jaguars

So boring we—like most of their Florida fans—forgot about them them, but give Happy Jack Del Rio another decade, and he will hit .500. Luckily, season-long blackouts will save many in Florida from watching the Jaguar offense.  

Dallas Cowboys

So very average for so very long. It's amazing the magic Jerry Jones and son can do when left alone to wreck a franchise.

Carolina Panthers

If the Cam Newton project is a failure, expect a decade or more of misery in Carolina. Having Mean Old Man, the inventor of the vile Personal Seat License, as the team owner does not attract many fans either.

Arizona Cardinals

The Warner desert mirage is gone, but the bleak Bidwell rotten reality remains. 

Begging to be bad

Minnesota Vikings

The Vikings will smash into the sad sack seven early in the season unless the Metro Dome collapses and mercifully ends their season. 

Philadelphia Eagles

Al Swearengen once said that "Announcing your plans is a sure way to hear God laugh." So is calling yourself a dream team while lacking a capable offensive line or front seven.

Chicago Bears

After a 1-3 start we will meet Lovie Smith on this list.

Hypocrite of the Week award

How does Roger Goodell suspend Terrelle Pryor and Jim Tressel for five games before they even sign  NFL contracts and still let Pete Carroll prowl the Seattle Seahawk sideline sans suspension ?

Maybe Goodell, who seems to want to remake the game in his image, is not a hypocrite when he sleeps.