Fantasy Football: 8 Ways to Know You're Addicted

Have you ever wondered who Tom Brady would draft with the top pick if he were to play fantasy football? If you have, you're addicted to fantasy football.

Whenever the key word to an addiction is fantasy, it is definitely time to seek help from a professional. Seriously, stop trying to coax your buddy into trading Andre Johnson for Chad Ochocinco and check yourself into a rehab facility. You need help.

In no particular order, here are eight ways to know you're addicted to fantasy football.

Firstborn

You know you're an addict if you name your firstborn Adrian Peterson

This is double-trouble if you have a girl and you name her Adriana Peterson. I know that he is a beast for fantasy football, but that doesn't give you the right to ruin your son or daughter's life.

Hooters

You know you're an addict when you drag your wife to Hooters just so you can watch as many football games as possible

Hooters is not a family establishment. If you need to watch that many games at the same time to keep tabs on your fantasy players, get NFL Sunday Ticket.

"The GM"

You know you're an addict if you refer to yourself as "The GM"

First, self imposed nicknames is never a good idea. Second, just because you manage a fantasy football team to victory doesn't mean you could actually do it in real life.

Last time I checked, there is no salary cap in fantasy football.

Desk Space

You know you're an addict when your fantasy football trophy gets more prominent desk space than a picture of your wife and kids

Whenever bragging about your fantasy football accomplishments becomes more important than your family, you need to step back and evaluate your life. No matter how bad the picture is of your family, they should still matter more than a silly trophy.

The only exception to this rule is if your trophy includes a picture of your smokin' hot wife because you were so confident you would win the league. If that is the case, kudos to you.

Trading Your Car

You know you're an addict if you've considered trading your Toyota Camry for the first overall draft pick in your fantasy draft

On one side of the scale you have a 1997 Toyota Camry. On the other side of the scale you have the possibility of drafting any player your heart desires.

If you just read that and it took you more than three seconds to decide which is of greater value, you're an addict.

Fingers and Toes

You know you're an addict when you have a larger number of Yahoo! fantasy football teams than the number of fingers and toes combined

One fantasy football team is enough. Two means you are about to fall off the wagon with your addiction.

More than ten means that you need to drop everything you are doing and head to the Betty Ford Clinic, or whatever establishment they have for fantasy football addicts.

Tattoo

You know you're an addict when you have tattooed your championship fantasy football roster to your back

Before you get any ideas, remember that a tattoo is rather permanent. Also remember that chicks don't dig that type of tattoo.

I guarantee that the first time you pull off your shirt and a woman gets a look at your back, she will be running for the door faster than a honey badger attacks male genitalia.

If you don't know what a honey badger is, watch this.

Making Love

You know you're an addict if you "accidentally" called out Tom Brady's name while making love to your significant other

Yeah, go on and try to explain how you "accidentally" screamed Tom Brady's name last night. There is no way you are talking your way out of that one.

Just when you think she has forgotten about it, you are going to come home from work and your entire family is going to be sitting with Pastor Rob attempting to give you an intervention.