Characters, Quirks and 25 Pound Ring Girls: 34 Reasons I Miss PRIDE (Part 1)

     When the UFC bought PRIDE Fighting Championships in March of 2007, I feared that we had seen the beloved Japanese promotions’ last day. Unfortunately, I turned out to be right, as the UFC brass simply could not sort out PRIDE’s sketchy finances. Still, the fact that they even proclaimed their desire to keep PRIDE going strong made no sense to me. This was like XTreme Couture buying and seizing all of American Top Team’s assets, then saying that keeping them a perennial power was in their best interests. Yeah, right.

            The UFC predictably ransacked PRIDE’s talent pool a few months later, and PRIDE was officially as dead as Alexander Graham Bell. What you are about to read is a list of the 34 reasons I miss PRIDE the most, as well as memories of some of the promotions greatest moments and most endearing characters. I chose the number 34 for the groundbreaking reason that that was the number of PRIDE’s last show, aptly titled “Kamikaze”. This article will be divided into four sections, so you don't have to spend all day on the crapper reading it. Here we go.

(Important note: I know that some of these “things I miss” are currently taking place in DREAM and World Victory Road, two intriguing promotions who haven’t quite hit the big time yet and are not quite as accessible in America as PRIDE … until they are, the list stays the same.)

(Another important note: this is not – repeat, NOT – a PRIDE vs. UFC article. This is merely intended to be a trip down memory lane. I swear. Put your machetes away.)

1. The in-ring announcers

Whether it was the supremely hip Kei Grant, or the ancient guy who sounded like he was having a stroke and probably has a full back tattoo, they always delivered the goods. Also, they were between two and three thousand times better than Bruce Buffer (whoops, I already broke my word … I’ll try harder).

“FUJITAAAAAA KAZUYUUUUUUKIIIIII!!!!”

2. Don Frye having the crowd wrapped around his finger

What other cocky American cowboy could establish his popularity in Japan to the point that during his walk to the ring, whatever section of the 40,000-plus crowd he would point to would scream uproariously? The Japanese fans didn’t love Frye as much as they were under his spell.

3. Guest commentary

Think about how many enjoyable appearances guys made over the years. Rampage Jackson did a great job with his comments on Fedor vs. Fujita and Wanderlei vs. Kondo, where he uttered nuggets of wisdom like “hurry up man, I gotta go take a crap” and “Wanderlei, blow your breath on him.” Matt Hume, though monotone, was always astute and insightful. But my personal favorite was when they had Dana White in the booth to commentate the Liddell vs. Jackson bout with Bas Rutten and Damon “The Dog” Perry. In case you don’t remember what happened, Chuck was battered like Michael Richards’ reputation while poor Dana squirmed in his seat and absorbed daggers like this one:

Dana: He looks tired … which is absolutely horrifying.

Perry: *after a pause, extremely upbeat* Dana White … horrified.

(You had to love Damon Perry. He didn’t know anything about fighting, but I’ve never seen someone twist the knife with Dana White with such childish glee. He just didn’t care.)

4. Akira Shoji

Rightfully given the moniker of “Mr. Pride”, Shoji epitomized what it was to be a warrior. The guy simply fought everybody, even when he knew he had little to no chance of winning. I will never forget this guy’s contagious, good-natured attitude and tremendous heart. Gotta love Shoji. WAR AKIRA!!!

5. The PRIDE girls

They were all gorgeous, and they all weighed roughly 25 pounds. Plus I loved the gimmick of the ring girls awkwardly handing the winning fighter his check/medal/trophy. Remember when Dan Henderson briefly picked up the ring girl after he KO’d Oyama as she cooed happily? How adorable.

6. Coleman falling off the ropes

After winning PRIDE’s first Grand Prix in 2000, poor Mark’s body got ahead of his brain. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to hurdle the ropes or bounce off of them and land on his butt like a moron. His body chose the latter.

7. Nature channel worthy fights

I seem to be one of the few American fans who was enthralled by these swashbuckling romps thinly disguised as legitimate MMA fights. I understand why some people thought that these bouts tarnished the “this is a serious sport” image of MMA, but how many people were really taking them seriously? The Japanese sure weren’t. I mean, if you can't get excited to watch Butterbean flop around with the likes of Zulu, then you have no soul (more on this later). It always seemed like good clean fun to me. Everyone knew who was going to win, everyone was watching (The most watched fight in PRIDE’s history on Japanese TV? Naoya Ogawa vs. Giant Silva), and everyone knew that whatever happened would be funny. And it usually was.

8. The Japanese favoritism

Actually, this was bad. But it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t mention it. And just for the record, I STILL think Akira Shoji deserved the decision win against Alex Steibling. They made the right call. DAMAGE, people. Damage. All of you “Sherdoggers” comparing me to various orifices didn’t change my mind.

9. Pre-fight staredowns

Always enjoyable. Here are some of my favorites …

-         Frye vs. Shamrock (Don didn’t move or blink … what a badass)

-         Frye vs. Thompson (only because I have no idea what the hell was going on)

-         Noguiera vs. Kharitonov (both guys looked ready to go)

-         Schilt vs. Shoji (“How’s the air up there, Semmy?”)

-         Fedor vs. Ogawa (The lesson? It’s always a good idea to touch gloves with Fedor, otherwise he just kind of gets mad and starts swinging for the fences)

Part two (of four) to come over the weekend. Isn’t this fun?