The New MLB Commissioner

Now that I am the new MLB commissioner I would like to announce some of the changes that I am enacting immediately.

1. Bud Selig has been banned for life from any and all baseball venues, including little league games.

2. Pete Rose  is immediately reinstated and automatically inducted into the Hall of Fame.

3. Instant replay will now be used for the entire game including every pitch.  Let's face it, the games aren't long enough.  This way you really get your money's worth.

4. All ball boys will be replaced by bikini clad ball girls.

5. Tim McCarver?? I still haven't decided on this one but I am taking any and all suggestions that include slow, painful torture.

6. Any player who wears a hat covering his ears will be forced to attend WNBA games on his days off.

7. Any player that steps out of the batters box after every pitch and adjusts his batting gloves will have those gloves shoved up his a-s by  the home plate umpire.

8. That guy in the white hat that works the radar gun for the Dodgers will be sent to Scotland where those hats are still in style. 

9. The cameraman who seems to only show players and managers in the dugoout when they are picking their nose will be tied up in the mens room at Yankee stadium wearing nothing but a Red Sox cap (I always seem to be eating when they cut to that camera).

10. Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First" routine will be played at every stadium in the league during the seventh inning stretch.

THIS IS A QUICK LIST OF CHANGES THAT WILL TAKE PLACE IMMEDIATELY.  THIS LIST IS BY NO MEANS COMPLETE SO ANY INPUT AND SUGGESTIONS WILL BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION.  PLEASE SEND ALL SUGGESTIONS FOR RULE No. 5 .                                        

Thank you for your support,

THE COMMISH