50 Things for a Bored Brewers Fan to Do in the Winter

Right Field BleachersNov 3, 2008

The season’s over and you may be asking yourself “Oh Lawd, however will I pass the time?” Fear not, I have come up with a list of 50 things you could do during the offseason:

There’s always football…Go Packers and Badgers!
And if they suck, there’s Badger Basketball and Hockey soon after
Work on your trash talk at a Bucks game
Watch the new seasons of South Park, The Office, and It’s Always Sunny…
Dream about different offers you would give C.C. Sabathia
Fantasy Basketball or Hockey
Read Brewer Blogs, wink wink
Go to Kelly’s Bleachers and talk with some random dude who always responds with “Yeah, but they’re not the 82 team…”
Take a trip….to Hawaii to watch Baby Brewers
Create drinks for each of the Brewers (for instance, a Corey Hart would be a mix of Southern Comfort and Berry Blue Kool-Aid, it starts out good but gives you gut rot by the end)
Learn how to pronounce Luc Mbah a Moute
Persuade Jason Bohannon to play “HORSE” with you and try to beat him with short, dinky shots
Vote! (I heard that Mark Attanasio is a write-in candidate)
#14
Drunkenly try to explain to everyone why San Francisco would totally go for a Bill Hall/Rickie Weeks for Matt Cain trade (seriusly dude guys, it wood totaly werk out, im not evan kiding)
Randomly take the grill out and make brats and hamburgers, you know, to keep your skills sharp
Figure out if Carsten, Doug, Prince, or Ryan is a better name for your forthcoming baby boy
Replay the 2008 season on Major League Baseball 2K8, only this time the Brewers go 150-12, Prince Fielder has 87 Home Runs, Ryan Braun has 250 RBI’s, Corey Hart’s second half is actually better than his first half, and Bill Hall hits .250!!!!
#18
Maybe finish that novel you’ve been working on
Join a Gym. I’m not saying you have to go, but it always sounds good when you say you’ve “joined a gym”.
Start scoring points with the significant other that you can cash in next season
Find a significant other
Start a new Brewers-related Facebook group every week
Buy an HDTV on the cheap the day after Thanksgiving and then sit and wait for the next time you can hear “This game is presented in High Definition”
#24
Write Rob McElhenney until he agrees that he does, in fact, look like J.J. Hardy
Get so good at Wii Sports Baseball that you think you could try out for the team
Watch the first 76 hours of the MLB Network…straight….
Teach a kid how to score a baseball game
Road Trip to a Sonic or In and Out Burger
Figure out how to make Robinade and Secret Stadium Sauce at your home
Take a tour of a non-Milwaukee brewery like the Point or original Leinenkugel Breweries
Get some Kopps now that the lines aren’t quite as long
Buy a Super Nintendo and rock some Tecmo Super Bowl and NBA Jam
Go to the Brewers Clubhouse sale and pick up random jerseys from guys even Tyler doesn’t remember were on the team
Read “Moneyball” with the beauty that is hindsight
Aruge about what percentage of Philly Fans are potheads thanks to Rich Dubee
Make really bad predictions about what will happen next year in the league
Get a seasonal job at a sports apparel retailer just for the big discount around the holidays
Smack your postseason thundersticks until they go flat
Create a CareerBuilder.com account for one Ned Yost
#39
Catch a concert at the Pabst, Riverside, or Turner Ballroom (or Bob Uecker’s Winter Warm Up)
Challenge Ed Sedar to an arm wrestling match and lose horribly
Go to a bull testicle festival in Central Wisconsin (It’s my slight understanding that there’s one in Elderon and one in Wisconsin Rapids)
Post Dwayne Wade Marquette Basketball, it’s fan-tastic
Guitar Hero World Tour and Rock Band 2
Hope that the new Decibully comes out soon
And wonder what ever happened to Paris, Texas for that matter
Order Jimmy John’s and Erbert’s and Gerbert’s at the same time to find out which one really comes faster.
Figure out which quote from Mike Singletary’s press conference to use ad nasuem like Jim Mora’s “Playoffs?” or Mike Gundy’s “I’m a Man” rant.
Two of the best movies of the year are coming out on DVD this winter: The Dark Knight and Wall-E
Go America all over everyone’s ass