Gregg Popovich Used The Offseason...

To become the biggest badass in all of sports.

Now we all know that the Spurs can be boring to watch, but the Spurs are a basketball purist’s dream come true. They play great defense and are fundamentally sound. Their coach, Gregg Popovich, has been the mastermind in all of this. His coaching as well as his eye for foreign talent has been exceptional.

However, last year, the fundamentals of the Spurs was not enough to have them repeat as champions so the usually docile Popovich had to think of new ways to motivate this team. The end result is that Gregg Popovich is my new favorite person in the sport of basketball.

Popovich took a two-step approach to becoming an American hero and we will begin with phase one: The Willie Nelson.

Popovich, who shaved so often that I was convinced he never actually hit puberty, has developed a beard that would have even Grizzly Adams hiding in a corner begging for mercy. I have the before and after shots for you right here, and the pictures really do speak for themselves.

After

As a matter of fact, the beard almost became an extension of Popovich. There were numerous television and newspaper references to the Popovich beard. And honestly, how could there not be. The thing is incredible. It completely matches his hair and has made him look more like an older folk singer than a basketball coach.

Now, this beard took months and months to develop, so I definitely considered this a premeditated plan of coaching dominance. But step two was equally premeditated, and even in a losing effort may go down as the NBA moment of the year.

Step two began, not with Popovich but instead with legendary MC Shaquille O’Neal (who from what I have been told also dabbles in basketball). What a summer for O’Neal. First he gets on a Manhattan stage and begs Kobe Bryant to toss his salad. But then he sent a message to Greg Popovich by going on radio and calling Popovich a coward for using the Hack-a-Shaq strategy. Shaq ended the now notorious sound byte by saying “I will make them pay for it.”

This is how Popovich responded…

That’s right. Greg Popovich, within five seconds of tip-off, had Michael Finley intentionally foul Shaq, immediately followed by Popovich giving Shaq two thumbs up like he was the Fonz.

This can be roughly translated to “Hey Shaq. You don’t like it when a team knows your weakness? Tough titties. And even if you hit every free throw for the rest of your life, I still think you are a dick, now take these two thumbs up as a gesture of my hatred for you.”

My stomach hurt from laughing so hard when I first saw this. Greg Popovich is officially the man.

I hope the Spurs win another 9 championships and that Tim Duncan plays into his fifties. But more importantly, I hope with all my heart that Greg Popovich keeps up the great work.