Grown Men: Stop Wearing Football Jerseys in PublicOctober 22, 2008
There is an ongoing crisis that is taking place around the country, and it needs to be stopped.
The only thing that gets me more upset than getting the first two legs of my three team parlay correct, only to lose the third, is grown men wearing football jerseys in public.
I have no problem with people showing their team's support and wearing a jersey at a game, but if you’re the guy who wears it doing errands around town, at your kids' soccer game, or at a bar, you need to fix it.
You’re not cool wearing a jersey, and it only shows me that you have never played past junior varsity football and you live through guys that could care less about you.
You shelling out 70 bones for their jersey is only putting more money in their pockets. The same money that you cry about them making on sports talk radio.
The only thing worse than a guy wearing a jersey at a bar is his significant other wearing a matching jersey. It's not cute when "Bob," weighing in at 285, and his wife, who looks like a defensive tackle for the Washington Redskins, are both wearing Tony Romo jerseys.
"Bob," you can barely throw a football 10 yards, and the only time you did was as a kid in the summer when you'd throw the ball to your friends as they jumped in the pool because you sat in a lawn chair with your shirt on and otter pop in the other hand.
Now, I shouldn't make fun of the woman because I know it wasn't her idea to show up matching, but still, you’re not Jessica Simpson in the luxury box watching your man throw touchdown passes. So take it off and instead put on his XXL tall tee from Wal-Mart and go to work on some buffalo wings together.
Guys have no excuse to ever wear a jersey outside of a football stadium, and women are allowed to wear a jersey outside the stadium for one reason only: if and only if they hook up with a guy at a bar and the next morning are allowed to work around the house with it on.
There are only three types of people who are allowed to wear jerseys:
1.) Any kid under the age of 14. Eighth grade is the last grade I will allow someone to wear his favorite athlete's jersey before I make fun of that person. That being said, the kid better know about the athlete is he is rocking. It better not be some gift your aunt gave you for Christmas, but instead you wanted it because you respect the athlete's game.
2.) Any girl in high school who wears her boyfriend’s opposite color jersey at games. Nothing is better then seeing a cute high school girl in a No. 66 and asking yourself how did Jimbo at right guard pull and get this girl.
Also, knowing that once this girl leaves for college from her small town, Jimbo will be left working at the factory while his girlfriend that left him is now jocking jersey No. 88 along with 5,000 other coeds at game days on Saturday.
3.) Anyone mentally challenged. How could you make fun of a guy in velcro shoes proudly wearing his 1998 Puma Peyton Manning jersey? I dare anyone to tell him the player they’re wearing sucks.
So please, all guys who wear jerseys outside the stadium, please list them on eBay. I'm sure, in this economy, you could use the money.