Dallas Cowboys, Say Hello to Ocho Cinco

Want to know how Chad Johnson is going to get around the NFL's jersey-sale banning of the name Ocho Cinco? Simple—he's packed his bags and is moving to Dallas, where they have a fresh No. 85 jersey with his name on it.

Ocho Cinco will follow in the footsteps Pacman, Tank, T.O., Primetime, and Debbie, as he becomes the next infamously nicknamed figure to don a Cowboys uniform.

Some of you may think I'm crazy, that Terrell Owens and Ocho Cinco could never co-exist on the field. Think again, think harder—Chad Johnson has been sharing the limelight with T.J. Houshmandzadeh his entire career. Owens started his career with Jerry Rice, and the Cowboys arguably play better when the "T.O. Ratio" (stemming from the Randy Ratio) offensive strategy is not intact.

What we saw this past week should be the NFL's definition of tampering. There was the T.O.-Jerry Jones-Ocho Cinco photo opp before the game. Jones even had Tony Romo toss Chad a pass, to see how it feels.

You can talk all you want in my book, but having your quarterback throw another team's wide receiver some balls? 

Now that’s tampering.

It's not Jerry Jones' fault, though; he's doing what any winning-obsessed owner would do. Or maybe he's just doing what he does. Either way, he can always say "Chad started it," even if Jones finishes it.

"I love Dallas so much..." Johnson said in a conference call with Metroplex reporters. "Tell Jerry Jones I said, 'Hello. Give me a call some time.'"

In the call, Ocho Cinco was very candid about being unhappy in Cincinnati, and thinking Dallas would be a perfect fit.

"They would have to change all of our damn games to pay-per-view because you need to pay to see that shit. I’m serious. I’m so serious. They would have to put all the games on pay-per-view. Because you can’t just watch a show like that for free. Eighty-one and 85? Come on, now. Please.”

The thing is, he's is right. Lining up Chad Johnson on the other side of Terrell Owens would have defensive coordinators in the Betty Ford clinic. Let's not forget, Jason Witten would be occupying the middle of the field, Marion Barber and Felix Jones would still be the league's best thunder-and-lightning combo, and Patrick Crayton could go back in the slot, where he is actually effective.  

Tony Romo would look like Zeus in the pocket behind his giant Pro Bowl offensive linemen. Ocho Cinco could have Texas rapper Paul Wall make him a grill with little stars on the teeth.

As television converts to digital, the NFL Network could devote an entire channel to a 24/7 Cowboys reality show. Ocho Cinco and T.O., sleeping side-by-side in their hyperbolic time chambers.

For all of this to happen, the Bengals would still have to trade Johnson, who is under contract until 2010, with an option for 2011. We have seen unhappy wide receivers get dealt before, however. Randy Moss was valued at a fourth-round pick before his record-setting season.

Mr. Jones, what's Ocho Cinco worth to you?