Dear Peyton Manning...Please Beat the Patriots

Dear Peyton Manning,

First of all, congratulations on Saturday's big win.  Not many "experts" gave your Indianapolis Colts a chance on the road against the vaunted Baltimore Raven defense, but you guys certainly had the last laugh.  And even though you haven't exactly played like the Peyton Manning we all know and love thus far in the playoffs, I still believe in you. 

In fact, I have to believe in you. 

Not because I'm any sort of long-suffering Colts fan, but because the thought of the New England Patriots playing in another Super Bowl makes me want to vomit.

For the record, I haven't always hated the Patriots.  When they faced the St. Louis Rams back in Super Bowl XXXVI, I was actually rooting for them–I loved the idea of a formerly hapless franchise rising up under the leadership of a young no-name quarterback to upset the Greatest Show on Turf. 

But then New England kept winning. 

And the fans came out of the woodwork. 

Suddenly, New Englanders who'd never cared a lick about football were bragging about "their" Patriots.  And as if that weren't enough, Tom Brady became the shining star of every commercial that aired on Sunday afternoons. 

Well, behind you, of course. 

But right, the Patriots: Going into this season, I was confident that the luster was starting to fade.  After a disappointing loss to Denver in last year's playoffs (the result of a bad call, according to the faithful), Bill "The Genius" Belichick seemed to make some un-genius decisions.  First, he refused to resign ultra-clutch kicker Adam Vinatieri, allowing him to join you guys in Indy.  Then, when the team couldn't settle a contract dispute with wide receiver and former Super Bowl MVP Deion Branch, they shipped him off to Seattle.  Suddenly, the Pats found themselves without two of their best playoff performers, despite the fact that they were ten million dollars under the salary cap.

These were silly moves, to be sure–moves that were destined to bring the New England Patriots back to the pack. 

Or so I thought.

Instead of languishing, New England finished 12-4 in 2006, winning the AFC East.  Then they thumped the Jets in the first round of the playoffs, setting up a showdown with the high-powered Chargers in San Diego. Finally, I thought, I was free and clear: There was no way the Pats would be able to handle the Bolts, especially not on the road...

Whoops.

Now the Patriots find themselves one win from the Super Bowl–again.  If they pull it off, particularly with this season's pedestrian roster, there will be no end to the praise heaped upon Belichick and Brady.  It may be more than my insides can handle.  I'm already tasting bile at the mere thought of it.

Which is why I'm counting on you, Peyton Williams Manning, All-Pro and former MVP.  Yes, this is your chance to to finally win the big one–but next Sunday is about more than just you.  So much more.  By beating New England, you and the Colts would save all of us–me most importantly–from another miserable year of never-ending Patriot worship. If that isn't heroic, I don't know what is.

Godspeed, Mr. Manning.  Godspeed. You're our only hope.

Desperately yours,

Dave Metrick