Humor: Fashion Must-Haves for Disgruntled NFL Fans Everywhere

We at Revolutionary Fashion cannot wait to unveil our new product line, made specifically with NFL fans and players in mind.

We are not talking about your usual team hoodies or favorite player jerseys.  No, we must step boldly into this new world and wear what truly represents the feelings of the fans, their teams and their players. 

It's time to upgrade your closet and throw out those old-school paper bags!

With this in mind:

We have partnered up with Uggs footwear and have created a new line of boots released just for the Carolina Panthers.  They are still the original boots, but have the added team logo, and come in either Panther black and blue or can be made from recycled materials of all the tickets people wish they had never purchased last season.

For those wonderful players who just happened to end up on the wrong side of the law on any team, we developed a brand-new line called, "Muggs." (We thought "Muggshots" was a better fit for the NBA.)

But it doesn't just stop with boots, my fashion aficionados!

First, we have lined up a very special production of Wrangler Jeans for the Denver Bronco players and fans.  These will, of course, be endorsed by Brett Favre who will then announce that he will be coming out of retirement to help the Bronco's make a run at the Super Bowl.

Second, we are looking at revolutionizing the T-Shirt.  Yes there are about a billion t-shirts to be found in every store in every part of the world.  BUT, these t-shirts would be completely customizable even during game day!

How, you ask? 

Well, my friends, it is time we put two great ideas together.  We will be introducing, for the first time ever, the magnet-board shirt.  This shirt comes with every letter of the alphabet  (duplicates available) ready to line up those precious words you've been wanting to say to the coach, the team, or even the person sitting next to you at the game. 

Just think of the fun you can have by spelling out exactly what you are trying to yell but no one can hear you over the rest of those dreadfully noisy people in the stadium!

As an added bonus, we have developed the technology for you to be able to stick your beer can right to your shirt!  Now you can remove those silly beer hats that never work right anyway, put a straw in your magnetically held beer, and never have to worry about setting it down and finding someone else's nacho chip floating in it. 

If something is floating in this one, it's yours...haven't you heard that food-trapping facial hair is out?

If you act now, we will also throw in an entire bag of magnetized, useless phrases and made up words! (Many were inspired by the great orator himself, John Madden.)

Fine print

The only tiny thing you may have to worry about is the possibility that magnet-board shirt could, perhaps, cause someone's pacemaker to stop working, which would not be good...or set off the alarms as you are entering the building causing you to be denied entrance. 

Other than that, and the fact that you may not be able to control the amount of metal coming reeling toward you...it is sure to be a fan favorite! 

It is not advised, however, that you wear this to the Vikings stadium if the dome is repaired...it is likely that they used duct tape and staples to put it back together, therefore the shirt could cause another horrific collapse.

End of Fine Print

What else could we possibly come up with, you ask?

Well, we have finally reached the last item of the day, but we expect this next little surprise to fly off the shelves! 

It's called the Binocular-Videotaping-Instant-Replay-Capable-I'm-a-Better-Ref-Than-You'll-Ever-Be game day hat!  This little baby looks like a regular official NFL team issued, run of the mill, "miner's" cap.  But instead of the flashlight on the top, the lens pulls down and becomes an extremely efficient "penalty-tracker."

It will show you exactly who was offsides, if someone truly engaged in a face-mask or was just caught in in the other players hair, and even tells you if the player completed the entire process with the football in the end zone (Lions fans should be particularly interested in this feature).

This incredible "hat" will also detect if a coach or player is sticking their foot, or any other body part, out onto the field in order to try to trip the opponent. (Can you say, we're talking to you, Jets?)

But it doesn't stop there!

Folks, hang on to your loved ones, because one of the most important features this hat has is that it can actually "read" motivation. 

You heard that right! So if someone says they never intended to trip a player, or a ref claims they never saw the infraction, the hat will immediately scan their heart-rate, run a lie-detector test, sample their DNA and sound an alarm, if they are not telling the truth. 

Another revolutionary idea?  We think so.