Dennis Rodman, Miguel Cabrera and Thursday's B/R Swagger Buzz
Dennis Rodman, Miguel Cabrera, Diana Taurasi and Thursday's B/R Swagger Buzz are here because I care.
Wherever there is an athlete in peril, I will be there. Wherever two legends get immortalized in a play on Broadway, I will be ready.
I am just like a superhero, only you don't want to see me in a pair of tights.
Cabrera hit the news today. Turns out that drinking problem he had under wraps has unfurled itself, as the slugger was arrested for being bombed and resisting arrest.
Nothing like a good old-fashioned booze story to highlight the day.
If not taking substances is more your speed, we have Taurasi and her false positive to dissect.
Side note: never take a drug test from a Turkish lab. It may end your career prematurely.
That's not all, folks—I have a Broadway play to talk about. Trust me, it has sports relations, namely Larry Legend and some guy named Magic.
So, don't stray too far, and remember to tip your waitress.
Here is your daily dose of Swagger.
Miguel Cabrera: Do Not Get This Guy a Refill
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Miguel Cabrera Arrested for a DUI Leading to More Character Questions
There is one thing that will always be true in sports. If there is trouble, an athlete will find it. Miguel Cabrera has had run-ins with alcohol before. In 2009, he went on a bender that ended with him hitting his wife.
This time around was not as violet, but just as disconcerting. Cabrera was arrested late Wednesday night in Fort Pierce, Fla. He was brought in for driving under the influence. We can stop there and say we saw that part coming.
He was also charged with two counts of resisting arrest. That means he was so bombed that he failed to realize the gravity of his situation. Fighting with a cop is one thing you just don't so, especially in Florida. The only thing worse is fighting with a cop in Mexico, and people have gone missing for less.
Here is a recount of the night's events taken from Fox Sports' Jon Paul Morosi:
"When an officer asked who was with him, Cabrera responded, 'I am going to f------ kill him.'"
This is a bad start to a conversation with an officer of the law. He has two strikes against him. He used profanity and the word "kill." One more strike, and it's time to get the cuffs out.
"Cabrera drank from a bottle of James Buchanan’s Scotch Whisky on the roadside, in the presence of at least one officer."
In his defense, Cabrera was probably thirsty. Drinking copious amounts of liquor will dry you out. The only thing he had on him was whisky, so there you go.
"Cabrera refused to obey instructions from officers, at one point saying, 'Do you know who I am? You don’t know anything about my problems.' When one officer asked Cabrera to get into a patrol vehicle, Cabrera replied, 'F--- you.'"
I really hope that the cop answered, "Yeah, you're that fat guy that plays baseball. Heard any good menu specials lately Miggy?"
My last piece of evidence that Cabrera was bombed is his mug shot. He is ear-to-ear happy. Someone tell him he is in a significant amount of trouble. You can tell in his eyes that he thinks he is in one of those photo booths.
This is one story that makes me laugh, it makes me cry, it makes me extremely grateful to be a Dodgers fan.
Diana Taurasi: WNBA Star Vindicated In Doping Charge
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Diana Taurasi Cleared of Taking Performance Enhancing Drugs
If any of you woke up this morning and heard a loud "Oops" outside your window, it was coming from a Turkish Lab.
By now, we have all heard the news that Diana Taurasi tested positive for Modafinil, which is on the banned-list by the World Anti-Doping Agency. What was released Wednesday was the news that Diana's test was nothing more than a false positive.
So in a world where we seldom trust the athletes that yell from the mountain top that they are clean, we have found that we cannot trust the labs either.
This comes as great news to Taurasi, who was facing a two-year ban from the sport she loves. She was playing in Turkey because she can make a great deal more than is available in the states through her WNBA team, the Phoenix Mercury.
The positive test put into question whether Taurasi would ever play professional basketball again. Now she is vindicated.
Even LeBron James took to Twitter today to offer his congratulations. The King tweeted, "Wanna say congratulations to Diana Taurasi for being cleared. Always knew something for fishy about that. Great news and happy for u!!"
Now my favorite saying for the next week will be "for fishy." It can be used in any setting. "Hey, that character in black at the mall looks 'for fishy,' we should tell security."
I encourage you to use it ad nauseum today, but I digress.
Diana Taurasi has been thought of as arguably the best female basketball player in the world. Whenever an athlete gets slapped with a title such as that, there is always a suspicion of doping. It is just a sign of the times.
It is comforting to know that in at least one instance, the athlete was telling the truth. That does not mean I will take my hat of cynicism off though. It just means I have hope for the future.
Dennis Rodman: Basketball Legend Gets Respect and a Receipt For $42K
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Dennis Rodman Will Be Honored at the Same Time He Answers Tax Questions
I have to say, $42,000 is a hell of a lot of money. I remember when dime candy use to cost a nickel. Actually, I have no idea what that means. What I do know is that $42,000 is a lot to owe in any time period, or state.
That is the amount that the State of California is owed to them by Dennis Rodman. Now if you or I had been hit with that news, we would be on the first Ford Bronco out to Mexico, but not Rodman.
His business manager Peggy King plans to fight the tax levy. She believes it's an error, as Rodman just received a refund from the state for roughly the same amount.
That has me thinking one thing, Rodman lives an entirely different life than I do. I get flustered when I have to tip more than six bucks at a Denny's.
The tax news comes on the heels of the announcement that Rodman will be honored by his former team the Detroit Pistons.
The franchise will retire his No. 10 jersey at a ceremony on April 1. It is an honor a long-time coming. Rodman may be strange and a tad wild, but his talent and winning attitude that he brought to the hardwood cannot be forgotten.
This has been a big day for The Worm. I am glad, we almost forgot about you.
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Magic Johnson and Larry Bird: The Duo's Story Hits Broadway
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Magic Johnson and Larry Bird Will Be the Subject of Broadway Play
When all else fails, hit the sports world. That must have been the thinking behind an upcoming play about two sports legends.
It is tough enough to find original ideas these days. That may be why most of the good movies out there are just rehashes of previous novels or events. Broadway is not immune to re-telling a story or two. The latest will be a play based on the relationship between Magic Johnson and Larry Bird.
Please do not laugh this off as a fleeting play that will soon go down in flames. Well, you can laugh a little, but not for that reason.
The play has all the makings of a show that can actually make its mark on Broadway. The cast of writers and director that produced the Broadway play Lombardi will be back to reprise their backstage roles. Lombardi is the only new play from 2010 that is still running.
The success there may have been the backing the show received from the NFL. Magic/Bird will get the same type of assistance.
The NBA will produce the show, as will Bird and Magic. A once-goofy scenario now has me thinking this would make a great movie.
I never thought I would think this, but Magic and Bird on Broadway might actually work.
Kobe Bryant: Lakers' Star May Have Been Served Paternity Papers, Report Suggests
5 of 9Kobe Bryant May Have Dabbled Outside His Marriage for a Second Time
Kobe Bryant is no stranger to controversy. He has been in the deep recesses of a sex scandal before and emerged stronger than ever. He may have to slough through another controversy, that is if you believe a recent report from TerezOwens.com.
The sports tabloid website insinuates Bryant was served with a paternity package during halftime of the Orlando Magic game. They use the provided video as evidence to their assumption.
Terez writes, "My sources are telling me Kobe was handed paternity papers…Here’s what we’re being told, right around the time Tiger Woods was involved in his whole affair mess, a girl Kobe was mixed up with earlier in the year gave birth to his ‘alleged’ child…Kobe paid for her to live in Italy for the last year..She’s returned to the states and is now seeking legal rights."
It is my belief that we must treat this assumption as mere rumor-mongering and glorified gossip. There is no reason to vilify Bryant until a substantiated report comes to light. Until then, I will not offer an opinion on something that may or may not happen.
What I will say is that Kobe Bryant can ill-afford another scandal attributed to his name. Bryant was hit harder than most other athletes have when he was charged with rape in Colorado.
Having another story that deals with sex outside of marriage could tarnish his image in an irreparable fashion.
The story out of TerezOwens should for now be taken with a huge grain of salt, just as any news item should these days.
Chad Ochocinco: Bengals Star Receiver Did Not Impregnate a Twitter Fan
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Chad Ochocinco is Rumored to Have Impregnated an Admirer, He Says Allegations Are False
Normally it would be a problem if you had to go out of your way to tell the world you did not impregnate a random female.
This is not the real world though, it is the wonderful world of sports, and Chad Ochocinco is one of its most colorful characters.
On Tuesday, a woman who called herself "Paige" told a Philly radio station that she was three months pregnant with Chad's baby.
The Bengals star told TMZ.com the rumors are completely false. Ochocinco maintains he indeed tweeted with Paige about a year ago, but that was the extent of their relationship.
A year later, he is maintaining the two have never met face-to-face. Meanwhile, Chad is engaged to Basketball Wives star Evelyn Lozada.
This is one instance I am glad that I am not a sports superstar. Sure, they have money and fame. But every once in a while, they have to answer the rumors that are started by half-baked fanatics.
This is just one more chapter in the wild world of Ochocinco. The best part of it all, I am confident this will not be the last of the crazy stories that are sure to surround his career.
There are some athletes you can count on for a good laugh or interesting anecdote. Chad will always be one of them.
J.J. Redick: Kirk Hinrich Breaks Redick's Ankles In Epic Fashion
7 of 9J.J. Redick Loses Footing and Ego in One Foul Swoop
Let's be honest.
If I told you that I had a sick video of one white basketball player besting another, you would yawn and change the channel. Well this is not only a sweet crossover from Kirk Hinrich, it also results in some hilarious consequences.
Let me take you to Orlando where the Magic were taking on the Wizards. Hinrich brought down the ball and was immediately covered by J.J. Redick at the top of the key. This is when Hinrich broke some ankles.
He went right, then he went left, and that is when Redick went down. It the easiest and most popular way to get humiliated on the basketball court. The best part is it made Hinrich look like Isiah Thomas out there.
I am talking old Zeke obviously. The new one would just make some bad coaching moves and sign a bunch of high-priced talent.
Redick picked up his ego and shoes from the floor and headed straight to the bench. He was greeted with a chorus of laughter from teammates like Jameer Nelson.
It is safe to say he will never live this one down, nor should he. That was the worst coverage I have ever seen on the ball. He allowed Hinrich to look like a Hall-of-Famer for one play. The Magic need to tape up his ankles, or he is going to be seriously injured.
At the very least, it did make an otherwise boring Magic/Wizards game in February seem tolerable.
Eric Snow: Sixers Announcer May Have Taken a Cat Nap During The Game
8 of 9Eric Snow May Have Dozed Off for a Second During the Sixers/Rockets Game
Eric Snow used to command the point guard position for the Philadelphia 76ers. He is now the color commentator for the same team. Perhaps the action from the sidelines was not as exciting as when he was running the floor, or perhaps Snow just had a long night.
Either way, we have video that may or may not have Snow falling asleep during the broadcast. If he did not doze off, he is dangerously close to doing just that.
The game comes back from a commercial break. Marc Zumoff sounds lively, and for the time being, so does Snow. That is when things get eerily quiet.
The moment comes at around the 1:05 mark. Zumoff asks if Snow is meditating. That is when most people would say, "No, I am resting my eyes."
Snow instead answers with, "I'm trying to stay awoke." Horrible verb tense aside, Snow should not be blamed for his sleepiness. He is being forced to watch a Sixers versus Rockets game. I didn't see this thing, and I am still getting a little drowsy just talking about it.
Snow then launched into an explanation of why he was sleepy, and it was a little thin. He should double on the coffee next time, or at the very least say, "Yes, I am meditating." Then he can move on to commentating on a mediocre contest.
Belinda Heggen: Australian TV Anchor Mocks Sports Reporter, Severely
9 of 9Belinda Heggen Goes Where it Hurts in Her Scornful Remark
There are not many things you can say to a man that will make him cry.
We are built of stone and iron. Our defenses can withstand the toughest insults from boozed up buddies. We can take it when you call us stupid, smelly or ignorant,—all of which may be true by the way—and we will still not bat an eye.
But never, ever, utter what Belinda Heggen did on live air. The male ego just can't take it.
Australia's Ten News at Five anchor Belinda Heggen hit sports reporter Mark Aiston with a rather jarring insult.
Mark innocently enough asked the question, "And Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small could be so impressive." Little did he know that he just gave Belinda the keys to an amazing retort.
She answers with, "Well Mark you would know about that." She says it in a tone and manner that only a woman can accomplish.
Mark is left to look straight at her with a beleaguered look. He never saw it coming. The loss of his dignity was completed in an instant. Please, I would like to know more. If anyone has any idea what happened between these two, send me an email, postcard, anything.
I must know.
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