WWE Raw: Why Monday Night in Milwaukee Was a Complete Letdown

You know when Vince McMahon shows up on Monday Night Raw and doesn't do his signature power walk, something isn't right.

And that's exactly how Raw played out for the rest of the night. Everything went wrong.

For starters, the real question isn't why Vince McMahon didn't strut, but why he was even on the show at all. The last time I checked, the chairman was put into a coma by Nexus over the summer, and according to Stephanie McMahon and Triple H, he's not coming out of it any time soon. 

Did he just magically wake up without telling anybody? Was Stephanie's twenty minute dream sequence reality?

Oh wait, nevermind. We're not supposed to remember anything that happened over a month ago.

After Vince's promo, Randy Orton arrived on the scene, ready to talk about what he did to Husky Harris and what he plans to do to the rest of the New Nexus. And here came CM Punk with a huge revelation about why he cost Orton the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble—Orton attacked him backstage back in 2008.

2008. Something that happened three years ago is a logical explanation behind CM Punk's actions. Nice job on that one; real creative. We're all very convinced.

Oh, and did anybody else notice CM Punk's bloody nose? I guess the medics were busy tonight.

It was then announced that all four members of the New Nexus must compete in singles matches against qualifiers for the Elimination Chamber.

Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth was up first, and what a clusterfudge it was. Mason Ryan won the match, but because he continued to attack R-Truth, the referee reversed the decision and gave R-Truth the victory.

Are you serious? What the hell was that?

I'm pretty sure heels have attacked faces after a match is officially over before. Whatever.

But that wasn't the worst part of Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth. Oh no.

The worst part was R-Truth's promo before the match, where he mistakenly said "Green Bay, Wisconsin...WHAT'S UP?"

To the crowd hailing from Milwaukee.

Let's just move on to the Divas match: Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina against Melina and the Bella Twins. I know they did something in the ring; maybe even wrestle.

I couldn't tell because I was so distracted by the extremely distracting commentary of "Vintage" Michael Cole.

Natalya showed up on commentary as well, and I must say I found myself very entertained by what she had to say. If her thick lisp was any stronger, and her voice any deeper, I would swear to god she could pass for Sylvester from Looney Tunes.

Did WWE air the 02/21/11 promo again? Yes. Did they add anything new to the promo? Yes.

Is Johnny Cash singing about how "ain't no grave gonna hold my body down" an indication that the promo is hinting at The Undertaker instead of Sting? Most likely.

Sorry Stinger fans, but it looks like The Icon's chances of coming to the WWE aren't half as strong as they were a week ago. That promo seems directed towards either The Undertaker or the reanimated zombie of Chris Benoit. I'll let you pick between the two.

Now listen, this ain't no make believe. Come on, open your eyes and see.

John Morrison wishes he could open his eyes and see, but due to CM Punk spraying him in the face with hairspray, that's not happening.

So let me get this straight: CM Punk wants to injure all his opponents in the Elimination Chamber weeks before the pay-per-view, and the best he can come up with is hairspray to the face? I've honestly seen Divas do worse.

The Miz was up next, and he arrived to congratulate Jerry Lawler on becoming the No. 1 contender at the Elimination Chamber.

What followed deserves a Captain Picard facepalm, because it was that embarrasing.

Words cannot describe how hard The Miz attempted to carry his commentator opponent in a promo. But I can assure you the word "poop" was used.

I think someone backstage gets their sick kicks by humiliating The Miz, because there is no other explanation as to why he continues to lose to Jerry Lawler in matches.

Ted DiBiase took the pin, making him one drop closer to rock bottom, and Alex Riley called Daniel Bryan "Bryan Daniels", not only botching his WWE ring name, but his real name as well.

Keep up the good work, Riley.

The remaining thirty minutes of the show consisted of randomness for the sake of being random. Mark Henry, the World's Strongest Pitcher of Kool-Aid, randomly showed up and dominated Sheamus.

Alberto Del Rio continued to prove he is the only superstar that can show up on either brand whenever he wants, and as the man who is about to headline WrestleMania XXVII, almost was beaten by Santino Marella.

And finally, Vickie Guerrero showed up for five minutes to get humiliated by John Cena.

All in all, this week's Monday Night Raw was horrible. Hopefully next week is better, but then again it would very difficult to top what I just finished watching.

I stated in a previous article that SmackDown is becoming the brand to watch for 2011, and that Raw is losing steam after a very successful 2010.

Maybe I was right.