Maryland Basketball Team Travels To Land of Mordor To Face Duke

For many, Sunday is a holy day.  A day of rest.  If that is the case, then why, WHY, must the Maryland Terrapins basketball team face such unholiness as that which they will encounter on this seventh day upcoming?   I would not wish it on mine own worst enemy, I really wouldn’t.   What evils await them then at Cameron Indoor Stadium, where they shall be forced to confront the many-tentacled fiend that is the Duke Blue Devils?

Duke is formidable, is what I’m saying.  Maybe you’ve heard something about them?  I think they won the national championship in 2010, but are just as highly regarded, maybe more so, this season as last?  Player of the year candidate in Kyle Singler?  The team with the +170 Vegas odds to repeat as champions (just for perspective, Maryland is +12500)?  The team many believe will go undefeated?   Yes.  THAT Duke team.  A fell beast, to be certain.

How can you stop a team that is second in the nation in scoring, third in the nation in three-point percentage (43.8), and seventh in overall FG percentage?  How do you stop a team in which three active players are scoring more than 11 points per game?  You may as well ask how one might tame the very wind itself.

Which is to say, you can’t do it.  And by “you", I mean “Maryland” (although I guess I also mean you).  Duke will scorch the floor beneath their feet and sear their eyes with blinding, blinding light.  And you can’t duck and hide from the light, because remember, the floor is scorching!   Diabolical.

So rather than talk about how Maryland needs to take care of the ball, be judicious in its shot selection, make its free throws, run the floor as much as possible, make its free throws, wear flame-retardant clothing, and make its free throws, let’s instead familiarize ourselves with the Hammers of Malice they will encounter on this most unrestful of Sundays:  

Keepers of the Black Gate:  They are the Plumlee brothers. And I don’t mean the wrought-iron gate that guards the entrance to the Plumlee family compound back home.  Hither, there is Miles Plumlee, Man of Six Rebounds.  He viciously slaps the basketball back out to the sharp-archers so that they may have maximum kill shots.  But behold!  On the other side, witness young Mason Plumlee, now even more terrifying than his elder, with eight points and eight rebounds per game!  These two will surely work in tandem to suffocate Jordan Williams in the thick Durham air!  And don’t even mention the name of Dino Gregory.  Poor, poor Dino Gregory.  I mourn him already.

The Shadow Elf:  Andre Dawkins.  Have you not heard of him?  That is the way he prefers, for as you focus on the frontal attack of the swords and spears, Dawkins attempts to flank you, and bury his dagger in your gullet.  Only a sophomore, but adding 12 points to the mix by shooting 54 percent from The Deep Lands. His fast shooting release makes mustering a defense all the more formidable.  Truly, he may not kill you on this day.  Then again…he might.

Kyle Singler:  What manner of name be this?  He must be from the nether-regions. Either way, he is one of the greatest players in all the land, with his 17.4 points and his six rebounds and his wonderful straw-colored hair.  The blush upon his countenance be like a rose!  But do not let him seduce you. He is deceptive!  And not only in his looks, but in his sharp-shooting.  You think he is shooting at you, and then he is not!  And then you relax and turn to other pressing matters.  And then he shoots!  And then you are dead.   And don’t even think about putting Sean Mosley on him as the defenseman.  Singler will put the post to his breast, and then turn and destroy him.  Beware, Sean, for that way lies folly!

Nolan The Necromancer:  When Kyrie Irving was felled in battle, people wrung their hands, worried that Duke would lose its Shield of Invincibility.  But now, we see the shield has not been lost, but rather has only gained in strength and luminosity. Since the felling, Nolan has scored 22.1 points per game, including 33 just a night ago.  He now leads the Devils in scoring numericals.  And if that not be enough for you, add in the fact that this senior also has 5.6 assists and 4.9 rebounds.  Truly, he is at the moment their most formidable combatant. 

Sauron:  It has been told that The Dark Lord’s true name is unpronounceable to mortal tongues.  I give you: Mike Krzyzewski.  Do not look directly at the name!  For it will drive you maaaaad.

This concludes my tale, save for one final warning: beware.  Beware, Maryland!  If you can find a way to avoid Cameron, do so!  Run!  Hide!  Call in and tell them you have The Plague!  For once ye enter there, ye shall, by your own hand or the enemy’s, abandon all ye hope and fortitude.

(For this and plenty more news, commentary and fun stuff on all things Terps, visit us over at Shell Games or follow us on Twitter @Terpsblog.)