LeBron James: 10 Presents King James Would Ask for on His Birthday
LeBron James turns 26 today, and it would seem like he has everything a 26-year-old could possibly ask for.
Even so, that doesn't stop us from speculating what might be on his birthday wish list. It's anyone's game to this point, so don't be surprised if we pull out all the stops, taking a page out of Boise State's book, with trick play after trick play. In this case, substitute play for idea, and let the ideas fly!
Here are 10 things he didn't get on Christmas Day that might be on LeBron James' birthday wish list.
10. A Hair Club For Men Endorsement With Free Products for Life
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If you haven't discovered why LeBron wears a head band every game, then he's fooled you too. Therefore, I brought you a pic of what his hair line looks like, as he contemplates if his front has been foiled with the removal of the head band.
LeBron recently graced the cover of GQ, noticeably graphically enhanced with a straight, full hair line. Perhaps he made this wish to Santa, and he granted it a little late with a fake edition.
9. A
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When LeBron James returned to Cleveland for the first time as a member of the Miami Heat, Cavaliers fans looked, and sounded, like "jilted" lovers who still have to share an apartment with their ex.
We all knew Cleveland was going to put up a fuss, losing your best player while said player leaves your team in ruins would make anyone upset. However, it's now time to move on.
Cleveland fans are still talking about how he quit on the team, how he's a traitor, and how selfish he is. Did you forget he's still human and just one man? For every fan he loses in Cleveland, he gains two more in Florida.
Every athlete's dream is to prosper to the point where their teams wins the Championship; it's the pinnacle of a career. Let it go, Cleveland, you will be good again some day. It's always darkest before the dawn, there's plenty of other fish in the sea, and you're too good for him anyway.
8. A Publicity Stunt-Double
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How awesome would it be for LeBron to be able to send a look-alike out to the wolves while he skips out with fiancee Savannah Brinson to the Caribbean?
Who wouldn't love to duck out of media responsibilities to sail away with a loved one? I know I would, I can never get away from the internet...or cameras....
7. An Extra Few Million
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Why else would athletes do endorsement deals? It's not like they couldn't survive off of their massive salary figures, just to play a game.
Being a professional athlete these days is all about the money and occasionally about playing a game too.
I'm not saying LeBron James is greedy, mostly because I couldn't pay for the pending lawsuit. My writer's salary wouldn't cover gas to the courtroom, but a few extra million couldn't hurt...
6. Floating Door Removal
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LeBron recently purchased a new mansion in South Beach, located just off the water of the Atlantic Ocean in Miami, Florida. Now if only he could get all those floating doors and homemade rafts off his backyard, he might actually be able to set up his personal cabana.
5. A Publicist With a Quiet Side
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Sometimes the best (and worst) way to avoid scrutiny is to not answer at all. LeBron obviously has never shied away from media outcries for explanation, but maybe he should give silence a try.
Photo courtesy of bauergriffonline.com
4. Tim Duncan To Test Positive for Steroids
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Seriously, the guy can bank it in from anywhere. The Spurs hold the best record in the NBA this season and appear to be the Heat's biggest challenge should they make it to the Finals.
With all the media exposure "The Big Three" have received, the pressure has to be on for the Heat to bring a championship to South Beach. Not that the NBA would punish players for testing positive, but if they suddenly did, and Duncan tested positive, which he might not, maybe things would be easier in Miami.
3. Power Ranger-Like Powers
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LeBron can't be Superman, we all know Dwight Howard already is. Therefore, why not a Power Ranger? He, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh can somehow mold together to make some sort of super-giant with amazing powers. They could spit fire (Get it? Heat logo? Ya, you know what I'm talking about), and their colors could be black, red and orange.....Yeah....
2. A Do-Over on "The Decision"
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LeBron James took the liberty of calling his own press conference, a nationally televised live interview on ESPN, and announced he would be "taking his talents to South Beach." Even in his announcement, in which he spurned an entire city, the words he chose were insight into his opinion of himself.
Most people refer to other players or people around them as "taking their talents" somewhere, but James decided to refer to himself in such a manner.
LeBron has recently admitted regret in hindsight of his decision to announce his plans on national television in such a manner.
It may have been better for him to just let the media announce the decision over the wires, but it seems only Santa Claus or Jesus could grant him this wish.
1. A Snuggie He Can Play In
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What? They're awesome. They're a blanket with arm holes so you don't have to wear a shirt, and they still count as a blanket so you never have to leave your couch....ever.
Now just imagine one you could wear on the court. He'd never look more comfortable.
Yeah, you're right, this slide is weird, but I was out of ideas and had to come up with a round number. Comment and add your own!
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