The NFL Picks Column: Week 17

Due to the NFL bowing down to the evil cable companies (which I wrote about earlier this week), the Patriots–Giants game will be televised on channel 4, 5, 7, 9 and 265. 

Like Bill Belichick said, it’ll be covered around here like the State of the Union address. 

Of course, this means there’s no escape from Bryant Gumble.

Bryant Gumble is to play-by-play guys as George W. Bush is to United States Presidents. 

Why couldn’t part of this arrangement include the stations getting to use their own announcer teams? 

Is not having to listen to Bryant Gumble call one of the potentially most historic games in NFL history too much to ask? 

Every time I watch the highlight video of my favorite team’s undefeated season, I’m going to have to hear Bryant Gumble’s high-pitched, Kermit the Frog-on-helium voice call the final game.

This is completely unacceptable.

Someone call John F. Kerry.

Will the starters play or won’t they?  The Colts and Cowboys probably won’t play their starters very much. 

Yes, it hurts the integrity of the game. 

No, I don’t blame them for doing it, if they think it’s the right strategy going into the playoffs. 

No, I don’t think it’s the right strategy, especially for teams with a bye.

Teams like the Colts, Cowboys, and Patriots have offenses built on timing and precision.  I understand not wanting to put your players in harm’s way in a meaningless game, but you also want them to play long enough that they stay in rhythm. 

I've always believed the Colts not taking the later weeks of the season seriously cost them in 2003 and 2004. 

Had they treated the end of the season the same way New England does, would Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy be talking dynasty, instead of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick?

Worth questioning, anyway.

Part of the beauty of the New England Patriots is that they treat every game like a playoff game.  The offense takes every snap seriously and very rarely falls out of rhythm—the notable exception being the second half last week when Brady spent 30 minutes trying to force the ball to Randy Moss. 

This has always helped them in the playoffs.

Anyway, I spent 16 hours at work today putting in a new phone system and need to spend another couple of hours on it tomorrow morning, so I’m short on time. Without further ado, here are your week 17 picks:

New England (–13.5) At NY Giants

Starters or no starters, the Patriots are clearly better.

Tom Brady vs. Eli Manning…..good luck.

Prediction:  Patriots cover.

Philadelphia (-7.5) Vs. Buffalo

Haiku time!

The Eagles play hard
Even though their team is crap
Buffalo will win

Prediction: Buffalo wins outright

Carolina (-3) At Tampa Bay

I hate week 17. 

Prediction: Bucs win.

Cincinnati (-2.5) At Miami

Bill Parcells is going to learn firsthand this week how undermanned the Dolphins are.  Fact is, they haven’t had a good draft since Jimmy Johnson.  More important than a new head coach in Miami is a new scouting department.

I’m rooting hard for the Bengals to give up on Chad Johnson so he can be the next guy to sign in New England for less money than he’s worth to win a championship.

Prediction:  Bengals cover.

Washington (-9) Vs. Dallas

Washington can beat the Cowboy’s B-Team.  But favored by 9 points?

Are you kidding me?

Prediction: Washington wins, doesn’t cover.

Green Bay (-4.5) Vs. Detroit

I really hate week 17.

Prediction: Packers cover.

Houston (-6.5) Vs. Jacksonville

That’s it, until further notice I’m doing all these picks in rapid-fire mode…

Prediction:  Jacksonville wins outright.

New Orleans (-2) At Chicago

Prediction:  New Orleans covers.

Pittsburgh (-3) At Baltimore

Prediction: Pittsburgh covers.

Atlanta (-1) Vs. Seattle

Prediction:  Seattle wins outright.

Cleveland (-11.5) Vs. San Francisco

That was fun. 

Speaking of fun, my fantasy football league plays its Super Bowl in week 17 (which I hate). I’m in the Super Bowl (which I love), and I have Jamal Lewis and Frank Gore going against each other’s defenses (which I really love).

That is, assuming they both play…

Prediction: Cleveland wins, doesn’t cover.

Tennessee (-5) At Indianapolis

Vince Young isn’t good enough to beat the Colts B team.

I benched my starters about 10 paragraphs ago in preparation for the playoffs.

Prediction: Colts win outright.

Minnesota (-3) At Denver

I jump on the Vikings bandwagon—and, of course, it derails their playoff changes.

Sorry Minnesota! 

I also enjoy watching Randy Moss, Kevin Garnett and David Ortiz.

Prediction: Vikings cover.

San Diego (-8) At Oakland

LT owns the Raiders.

Prediction: Chargers cover.

Arizona (-6) Vs. St. Louis

Oh….my….God.

This game is AWFUL.

Prediction:  Rams lose by less than 6.

NY Jets (-6) Vs. Kansas City

Herm Edwards vs. the Man Genius. 

Talk about your battle of head coaching juggernauts.

Prediction: KC by 3.

Have a great weekend, everyone—and a better New Year!

I’m SeanMC.