Dan Connolly Kick Return: A Reminder Why We Love Football

Dan Connolly—say hello to the NFL's version of the red-moon solar eclipse.

What the burly New England Patriots lineman did Sunday night, with millions of eyes upon him, is perhaps as rare as the red-moon eclipse that will appear in the early morning Tuesday sky.

You see, the red-moon deal has happened only once, something like 372 years ago. Connolly's stunning, amazing, dazzling pip of a kickoff return has NEVER happened in the National Football League.

No NFL lineman had ever rumbled 71 yards with a kickoff. No NFL lineman had ever taken any sort of kickoff, wrapped both arms around the football then turned on the turbo-chargers.

No 313 pound human has ever cut through the Green Bay Packers special teams, cut hard to the sideline then let loose with the world-class lineman speed, shed would-be wimpy tacklers and rumbled over, under, around and through to set up his team on the Cheesehead four-yard line.

"I've never seen anything happen so slow in my life," laughed the most visible Patriot, Tom Brady. "They won't be kicking to him anymore," he concluded.

With 2:17 left in the first half of what would turn out to be a nail-biting 31-27 win for the P-men, the "C-Train" left the station. Connolly fielded Mason Crosby's squib kick, folded both arms over the ball, making it look like a pee-wee football, prepared for a collision and then suddenly saw a running lane to his left.

The Massachusetts semi then shifted gears, got to the sideline and shed a ridiculous looking high tackle attempt by 203-pound safety Charlie Peprah, who looked like a bug bouncing off a truck windshield.

Now Connolly had it in high gear, he was moving like an M1 Abrams tank through the Packer special teamers and into NFL history.

Finally, somehow, the shocked defenders from Wisconsin managed to get him out of bounds. Yeah, at the Packer four-yard line.

Easy work for Tom Brady and tight end Aaron Hernandez.

Thank you, Danny boy.

In the short span of 71 yards, Connolly went from anonymous offensive lineman to 313-pound wonder boy.

Just think of the commercials and endorsement opportunities—no doubt there will be a 70-yard match race with Usain Bolt.

Yes, he's Dan Connolly, the St. Louis lightning bolt, New England folk hero, big-man icon. 

Don't forget NFL record holder.

How long will Connolly's mark stand? Well, you know the opposition won't kick off to him anymore, put him on the "do not kick to list" with DeSean Jackson.

The kid from Southeast Missouri State is now the standard for break-away speed in 300-pounders everywhere.

Gotta love it. Gotta love Connolly.

And most of all, it's a smile-inducing reminder of why we love football.