Stressed, Calgary Flames Fans? Time For a Meditation Exercise

Being a sports fan is tough. One can get way too emotionally invested way too quickly.

I’m one of those people.

My poor remotes, I shouldn’t take so much anger out on them.  Oh, and my poor friends who have witnessed the childish outbursts and random acts of violence; I haven’t heard from them in months…

I’m also pretty sure my mom is close to disowning me.

You see, I’m a Flames fan. For those of you who don’t know, they’re not doing so well this year. 

One day, after a drinking binge post a 7-2 loss to the Washington Capitals, I thought to myself, “I’ve got to find a different way of coping, or I’m going to end up in AA with anger management issues.”

After all, is it really worth it?

The answer is no. Yes, it’s a great thing to cheer on a team and continue to be loyal to that team, but getting worked up over it is not worth it.

So, Flames fans, let’s reach our Zen point, where we are at one with the Flames and accepting of what they offer us. Here are some steps adopted from Maple Leafs fans some 43 or so years ago:

1. Pre-game show

• First of all, find yourself a snack. A real junk food snack. It just makes all things better.

• Hockey analysts start talking. This is where the exercise begins. Say Darren Dreger starts talking, “Flames are on a four-game losing skid,” MUTE THE TELEVISION… breathe—big, deep breaths. Unfortunately, that’s all you’re allowed to listen to. It’ll just get worse.

2. Game is starting.

• Yes, you want to have a positive outlook. That is, hope for the team to win, but don’t expect it.
  
  Now, pick out some positives the team has to offer, like Miikka Kiprusoff. Only focus on him though; this is a case where putting all your eggs in one basket is a good thing.  Spread your eggs out and you're bound to encounter more disappointment.

• Eat your snack.

• Flames get scored on? Breathe. Deep breaths, now.

• Game still at 0-0? Give a few praises, say a few prayers.

As the game continues, one may reach a crossroads. If things really start to go south, it may be best to change the channel.

Don't worry, I won't judge you.

Either that or you may want to take a break. Go for a walk, eat some more food.

Breathe... in... out.

If they win, great! Have a mini celebration in your head, then immediately forget about it. The key to this game is to not get your hopes too high.

If they don't, move on. Don't even think twice about it. Why watch highlights? DON'T! It will only torture you. Just repeat these lines:

"NO, TSN/Sportsnet/The Score/etc., I DO NOT want to see the postgame reactions, and I certainly don't want to see any highlights."

"NO, calgaryflames.com, I don't want your damn postgame report, stop sending me emails!"

And finally, "NO, Calgary Flames, don't even try to win me over. I'm mad at you for at least another 24 hours, thank you very much."

This is the best advise I can offer. This is how I reach my Zen point. I am at one with the Flames. Whatever you do, though, don't reach for that bottle. The above directions should be plenty.

Oh, who am I kidding? After that loss to Vancouver, I downed a few pints of beer and washed that down with a couple tequila shots and some double white Russians. 

That, however, is not recommended.