Mountain West Conference Scheduled to Change Name to Lisop League In 2012

SATIRE—In a press conference earlier today at the Mountain West Conference headquarters in Colorado Springs, Colorado, commissioner Craig Thompson was on hand to make a special announcement.

"Gentlemen," Thompson said before a capacity crowd of reporters, journalists and a few fans from all member schools, "The Mountain West Conference has chosen to go in a new direction, a new state of relevancy, a new peace of mind in regards to the degraded future of collegiate athletics.

"Starting with the 2012-13 college sports season, the Mountain West Conference will be renamed to the Lisop League."

Lisop is an acronym for Little Sisters of the Poor, a phrase coined by outgoing Ohio State University president Dr. Gordon "Gas Bag" Gee, who will become the first commissioner of the renamed conference after Thompson completes his term at the conclusion the 2011-12 college sports season.

"I look forward to commanding the Little Sisters of the Poor and making the member schools know their place in the knock-down, drag out world of collegiate athletics," Gee said with a smile that bore no teeth. "I'll have, as the facebook generation says, a bash."

"We felt that the endearing term 'Little Sisters of the Poor' is who we are," Thompson added, "and as the flagship mid-major sports conference of the Western United States, it was only proper that we use the honor to our advantage.

"With Boise State University, the University of Nevada and California State University Fresno joining our conference as well as the University of Hawaii at Mano'a for football only, we have four distinguished sports programs that may not break into the 'Big Sisters of the Rich', also known to you whippersnappers as the Bowl Championship Series, but will provide quality competition to our members schools currently in the conference."

Current members of the soon-to-be-named Lisop League include the United States Air Force Academy, Brigham Young University (who will leave the conference to go independent in football and join the West Coast Conference in all other sports in 2011), Colorado State University, the University of New Mexico, San Diego State University, Texas Christian University (who will join the Big East Conference in 2012), the University of Nevada—Las Vegas, the University of Utah (who will join the Pac-10 conference in 2011) and the University of Wyoming.

The addition of Boise State, Fresno State, Nevada and Hawaii will mean that the Lisop League will once again be a nine-team conference for all sports other than football in 2012 and a 10-team conference for football.

"We are determining if we should divide into two divisions for football or have all the teams face each other in a round-robin," Thompson said.

If both teams are divided into two divisions, one division, provisionally titled the "Sugar Division," would consist of Fresno State, San Diego State, Hawaii, UNLV and Nevada. The other division, provisionally titled the "Spice Division," would consist of Air Force, Boise State, Colorado State, New Mexico and Wyoming.

Talks are ongoing.

The Lisop League currently awards championships in baseball, men's and women's basketball, men's and women's cross country, football, men's and women's golf, women's soccer, softball, men's and women's swimming and diving, men's and women's tennis, men's and women's indoor and outdoor track, and women's volleyball.

Under consideration as new championship sports for the 2012-13 sports season, in the spirit of the Lisop League, include figure skating (men's and women's), gymnastics (women only), bodybuilding (men only), field hockey (women only), netball (women only), weightlifting (men only), darts (men only), synchronized swimming (women only), kabbadi (men only) and rugby (men's and women's).