Alabama Football: An Idiot's Guide To Improving the Crimson Tide

I am an idiot.  I must be. Everyone tells me that after every article.  Auburn fans tell me that, Alabama fans tell me that, other writers tell me that.  I'm still waiting on my visit from Nick Saban representatives to set me straight. 

So I thought I'd give my idiot's guide to fixing Alabama football.  So without further ado,  here we go.

Can We Cut Our QB Loose Please?

Greg McElroy led us to an undefeated national championship season, but he wasn't the kind of guy that could bail us out when the defense wasn't quite as good.  Alabama has two guys on the roster now who are the highest ranked recruits signed by Alabama since Brody Croyle. 

Both have resumes to become great quarterbacks.  Let's not "over" coach them.  You don't take a thoroughbred race horse and hook him to a plow.  AJ McCarron and Phillip Sims were made to throw the football.

What do George Blanda, Brett Favre and Fran Tarkenton have in common?  They are in, or will be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and are in the top five in interceptions thrown all time. 

Quarterbacks must be allowed to throw the ball to score.  Interceptions are going to happen.  With the defense Alabama is going to have the next two years,  I'm thinking we can survive a few picks.  But we cannot be one dimensional.  We must be able to throw in order to run.

Remember, It's a Game

I know it is so "backyard" to get in the huddle and look at a receiver and say, "Go long, I'm coming for you."  But guess what, it works sometimes even in D-I.  Cam Newton has made a living off it.  Even when it doesn't, you've got those safeties thinking.  Most teams will take a minimum of one home run shot a quarter.  Don't overthink this. It's an emotional game. One lucky grab can crush the psyche of your opponent. 

They Invented This Position Called "Tight End"

Alabama even has one!  He's that unusual looking guy who's the size of an offensive tackle but can run and catch.  Here's a basic guide to usage:  He doesn't have to be open, just throw it high.  It's not important how many yards he gets after the catch, just that he looks for and demolishes as many defensive backs as possible before he goes down.  In the fourth quarter you'll see why this is important. 

Chill With the Fancy Zone Blocking

On the college level, I've never seen a team put a great running game on the field if they couldn't line up, put a hat on a hat and drive block the man in front of them.  Other techniques are fine if you've already figured the old fashioned way first.  It's like that old iron skillet you got from your grandma's estate.  Bacon and eggs always taste better cooked in the old iron. 

Speed Kills, We Need Some on Defense

It seems every team we play has some defensive end that's about 250 pounds or so and can run as fast as a squirrel crossing the road.  I don't know what rock they are finding these guys under, or if they are drinking two gallons of Red Bull before every game, but we better figure it out.   

Hire someone From Oregon

If you have a lead, feel free to sprinkle a backup or two in the game. Just because a team has a 24-0 lead is no reason to stop gouging the knife in the throat.  Hire someone from Oregon perhaps; the Ducks know a thing or two about scoring points, and they aren't shy about it.  Stop worrying about the other team's feelings. They are young,  and will get over it.  The only thing better than a 24-0 lead is a 48-0 lead.  Most people think Nick Saban is the Anti-Christ anyway,  He might as well give them reason.

Arrest all Sports Agents

Arrest them for something, anything!  I'm sure they have earned it.  I'm betting my Auburn brethren would agree with me on this one.  Alabama may have lost a shot at a national title because Kareem Jackson and Rolando McClain jumped ship as juniors for the NFL.  I realize they were well paid,  but they would have been anyway.  The memory of back-to-back national titles might have been more valuable to them in the long run.  

Both McClain and Jackson can take comfort in that they went in the first round,  but many players are talked into the draft as juniors, only to fall well below the first round.  Anything below first round, and the money isn't enough to provide long-term security.  The contracts are short, and if they are not starting in two years or if they suffer a major injury, they can kiss their careers goodbye. They don't call it the No Fun League for nothing.

Julio is a lock for the first round. Ingram might be. Perhaps Dareus.  I doubt anyone else rates that high. Even Ingram might not be a first rounder because of the drop in the relative value of running backs in the NFL.  It's more popular now to go with two or three cheaper, lesser talented running backs than one expensive bell cow.

But the agents will tell them what they want to hear.  Whatever it takes to get their name on the contract. Young people are generally gullible.  They don't realize that when money is involved, someone is always lying about something.  In the adult world, an effective lie is referred to as "marketing."

Well, that's all I've got to say about that.