Dan Henning of Miami Dolphins Answers Questions About His Job Security

Another day, another Dan Henning press conference. This time he fielded a question about his job security.

You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for Bleacher Report's newest sensation: interpreting Dan Henning's press conferences!

Now if you missed the first edition, here's the link. Read that one and you'll get an idea about what I'm going to do now.

(To go off-topic for a little bit...Erik Spoelstra, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, you're next!)

Of course, I couldn't exactly get into Henning's exciting presser, so this time I'll grab my source from Sun-Sentinel Dolphins beat writer Mike Berardino's account of it. 

And away we go!

Here was his response when asked about his job security:

“Job security?” he said, eyes twinkling. “You understand I’ve been retired twice, so job security is not something I worry about. I worry about trying to take what we have and doing the best we can with it.”

Translation: I've been fired, hired and retired more than you've probably worked. My job is to do the best I can with what we have.

For example, I have two great running backs at my disposal. Logic tells me that in that situation it's always better to rely on your third-string quarterback who hasn't taken a snap in a year with a patchwork offensive line that includes a left tackle wearing a brace because his shoulder is severely injured protecting him, and in the process only running the ball 13 times despite not being down by two scores until the third quarter, with six of those rushing attempts being that of our quarterback.

He then continued speaking, talking about what happened in 2008.

“When we first came here in 2008, we only had four players left from the team that we picked up here,” Henning said. “We had one lineman, we had three backs. We don’t have any of the same quarterbacks, we don’t have any of the same receivers, we don’t have any of the same offensive linemen, except for the one, and we don’t have any of the same tight ends.

“But that first year we were able to put it together and I think we were efficient, effective and consistent on offense. We got a tremendous boost by having a quarterback [Chad Pennington] drop out of the sky who was a tremendous leader for us during that season. ... That’s what you try to do is get the best out of what you have.”

Translation: We knew this would be a process. The regime that came before us did a terrible job drafting. I mean, Ted Ginn? Seriously? Even I knew if we were to pick a receiver we should have gone with Dwayne Bowe, and I wasn't even here!

But we put it all together because of two things: me and the fact that the Jets were dumb enough to gamble on Brett Favre, so we literally had Chad Pennington drop out of the sky. No, literally, he sky-dived onto our practice field in Davie. We got lucky.

But it wasn't just luck; it was also me. It's not my fault that we had worse players in 2008 yet produced better then than now. That's what I mean by try to do the best with what you have.

The best that I have is an offense so outdated that you wouldn't even see it run in the Big Ten in 1940. Sure, I could mention that Tom Brady was out for the year and we had a cream-puff schedule and Brett Favre decided to be Brett Favre on the Jets, but no, that success was all because of me, Dan Henning.

Henning then moved onto the present day, something his offensive schemes still have had yet to do.

“We’re not hitting on all cylinders right now,” Henning said. “That’s as obvious as you can get. We can say, ‘You had this injury, you had this injury’—they got after us pretty good. We went into that game with only 12 sacks. I think we had six in that game and they didn’t blitz us. It wasn’t the blitz. It was a four-man rush and some twists in there. ...

“On top of that you’ve got Tyler in there, who’s trying to make the right decisions but he’s a little bit later with the thought process than [Chad] Henne or Pennington were at this point in time because he hasn’t been in there doing it. Some of that blossoms on itself.”

Translation: Look, it's not my fault. It's the players' fault. Blame them for getting hurt, not me for calling atrocious plays. Last week against Chicago was the first bad offensive game we've had. It can't be my fault if that's the first time we were bad. Nope, it was Thigpen's fault. Not mine.

Sure, with Henne we would've lost 16-12 instead because I continue to not let him score touchdowns, but at least we wouldn't have gotten shut out. 

Henning then talked about why the Dolphins didn't run the ball.

“I hear you guys and I hear the fans and I hear Coach [Tony] Sparano on occasion: ‘Why didn’t we run the ball?’” Henning said. “Well, we didn’t abandon the run, the run abandoned us in the game.”

I'm not even going to bother to translate that. Berardino called it a good line. The run abandoning you is when you're rushing the ball 26 times in the first half and only averaging one and a half yard a carry and you're down 35-0 so you have no other choice but to pass the ball.

If you only rush the ball 13 times TOTAL, with the quarterback having half of those rushes, and your running backs aren't able to get into a good rhythm, then, good sir, you abandoned the run!

“In the first four series, we ended up with either a second and 18 or second and 20 or a third and 18, that type of thing,” he said. “That’s not the run situations. Before the score was 16-0, we had 16 opportunities, first and 10 or second and 6 and minus and we attempted to run the ball on nine of those. There was a 10th call in there where we have a run that was killed to a pass, and that was the one that [Brian] Hartline caught on the first play of the second half.

“I’m not worried about that part of it. I’m worried about being effective, efficient, and we’re not doing that right now. We are committed to getting back on track, whatever it takes to get back on track. You have no chance to do things when you put yourself in second and 20 or second and 18. Or you make a first down and you have a penalty. First four drives we had three penalties, we had a fumble and we had two sacks. You can’t operate that way.”

Danny boy, you know how you, um, get back on track and not put yourself in 2nd-and-20 or 2nd-and-18? Don't get cute and try those reverses to Hartline that everyone can sniff out! 

Dan Henning should retire already, but based off these press conferences I've been seeing from him, where he deflects the blame onto others and doesn't even attempt to answer questions, it's obvious that he has a nice career in Washington waiting for him—and not as Redskins offensive coordinator.

Speaking of Henning, yesterday on Facebook, I searched for a "Fire Dan Henning" group and found it. 

It's actually based out of Charlotte, NC and was made back in 2006 by a Carolina Panthers fan, who had this stated under news:

During the Falcons/Panthers game DeShaun Foster averaged 3.7 yards per carry, HOWEVER, Dan Henning proceeded to call 39 pass plays in the first game of the season WITHOUT Steve Smith. Aergo, Dan Henning should be fired IMMEDIATLEY!

Now his misspelling of "ergo" not withstanding, all it looks like is the more things change, the more things stay the same. I encourage you to join that group if you're tired of Henning and also join this one that I started.

On that note, I'd like to wish all of you Dolphin fans and others a happy and enjoyable Thanksgiving filled with family, food and of course football.

Now I'd want Thanksgiving to have good football; however, we'll have to make due with a Lions-Patriots game where the Pats will play it close to the vest and pull out a win, a Cowboys-Saints game where the Saints should run roughshod over Dallas, and to cap it off, the Jets play and will most likely demolish the Bengals. Don't let any of that discourage you Phins fans, for Friday we might be able to see Nick Saban lose the Iron Bowl to Ronnie Brown's alma mater Auburn!

But until then, here are my solutions to fixing Thanksgiving football as well as my picks for the week. 

So have a happy, safe and fun-filled Thanksgiving, and for those of you traveling to see your loved ones, watch this to prepare yourself for the TSA! And most importantly, have a safe trip.

Oh, and of course, go Dolphins!

For more of my musings on the Dolphins and other things in 140 character morsels, follow me on Twitter @thomasgalicia.