Kobe Bryant and the Ugliest Sneakers in Sports History

Bailey Brautigan@BBrautiganFeatured ColumnistNovember 24, 2010

Kobe Bryant and the Ugliest Sneakers in Sports History

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    Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers will take on the Miami Heat on Christmas Day this year and this is sure to be one of the most exciting games of the regular NBA season.

    As if names like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Dwyane Wade aren't reason enough to tune in for this clash of NBA titans, fans will have something else to look forward to:

    Bryant's shoes.

    That's right. On Christmas Day, Kobe Bryant will be wearing some very interesting sneakers. They will be appropriately "Grinch-themed," and they will be available to purchase one day after Christmas (which is an interesting marketing strategy, but I'm no expert).

    The idea of Kobe Bryant embracing his "Grinch" image is a very good idea.

    However, the design of these shoes is not.

    I believe "awful" would be the appropriate word.

    But these are far from the first ugly sneakers ever created.

    Here is a list of the 30 Ugliest Sneakers in Sports History.

30. 2009 Adidas

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    I'm going to go ahead and assume that these shoes were created for women.

    And this is a perfect example of why most dudes just don't get it when it comes to women's fashion.

    Exactly what kind of outfit am I supposed to wear these with?

    An Easter dress?

29. Adidas Metro Attitude

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    Apparently "attitude" is a euphemism for "vomit."

28. Air Jordan 1

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    This literally looks like Nike just took all their leftover material and randomly stitched it together in the form of a shoe which could be the single worst example of color coordination in the history of fashion...

27. Greedy Genius Apache Onyx

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    ...I stand corrected.

26. Air Jordan 15

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    Finally! Someone put that basket-weaving class they took in college to good use!

25. Air Jordan XIX

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    The perfect holiday gift for the fencer in your life!

24. ASICS Runovation

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    ASICS made an ugly pair of shoes?

    I. Am. Shocked.

23. Canal Street Air Force 1

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    These shoes are supposed to be a reflection of all the high fashion knockoffs you'll find in New York City, but really they're just horrific.

    The best part?

    These are men's shoes.

22. Adidas Crazy 8 Kobe Bryant

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    You know that ugly multicolored striped sweater that you dad insists on wearing to every single family gathering?

    You try to hint that the Fresh Prince of Bel Air style died along with Will Smith's musical career, and you even try to buy him something less hideous...

    But he just can't let go.

21. Air Jordan 1 2K

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    Do you remember when you were in elementary school art class, and you tore apart pieces of tissue paper and glued them on black paper to create something that was supposed to resemble a stained glass window, but never really did?

    This is worse.

20. Nike and Cole Haan Crocodile Jordans

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    Just why?

    It's like someone said, "Hey, I want to look like a redneck, but I also want to spend a ton of money."

19. Gold Rush Reebok Zig Slash

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    You know, I really hated the Reebok Zigtechs when they first came out, but other people seemed to like them, so I kept my mouth shut.

    And now they're just taunting me.

18. Jeremy Scott For Adidas

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    I guess these could be cool if you really liked Transformers, but you don't want to commit your entire shoe.

    Or, you know...if you're blind.

17. Jeremy Scott For Adidas

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    Okay. Someone needs to tell this guy to stop designing sneakers.

16. Starbury One

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    I get that Starbury's are cheap, but do they really have to rub salt in the wound?

15. Nike Air Max 95 Burberry Edition

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    I honestly can't believe that Burberry actually let Nike put their name on these shoes.

    Someone probably accidentally dropped a batch of perfectly good sneakers in the trash compactor at Nike, and this is what they were left with.

    "Just slap the name 'Burberry' on there. People will eat it up."

14. Nike Court Force

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    Okay gentlemen.

    Unless you want to be my new shopping buddy, you want to avoid metallic gold and animal prints at all costs.

13. Edison Chen Nike Air Footscape

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    Can't decide which trendy yet ugly shoes to buy?

    You hear Crocs are comfortable, but you like the way Uggs make your feet look three sizes larger.

    Don't worry. We found the perfect combination of ugly and impractical!

12. Air Max 95

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    This is what happens when Nike lets Gymboree design their shoes.

    Exclusively at Toys-R-Us.

11. Nike Dunks

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    Ever wonder how it felt to be that kid in high school that all the pretty girls ignored?

    Just slip on a pair of these, and you'll find out soon enough.

10. Adidas Kobe 2

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    Okay, Kobe.

    It might be time to revoke your sneaker card.

    These lovely shoes were supposed to look like an Audi TT Roadster, but really they just look like something you'd find in the dumpster of Charm City Cakes.

9. Iverson Reeboks

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    Please tell me that all these shoes moved to Turkey, as well.

8. Air Jordan 13 Flints

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    Is there any wonder that this website is giving these shoes away for free.

    They remind me of a padded room, which makes sense because anyone who thinks these shoes are cool should be institutionalized.

7. More Dunks

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    If Ted Nugent came out with a footwear line...

6. Nike Hyperdunks

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    Okay, so I actually kind of like these ones, but I'm pretty sure that they could be seizure-inducing. 

5. Nike Xbox

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    Nothing really says, "I'm a mouth-breather" like a pair of Xbox sneakers!

4. Nike KD II China Exclusive

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    For the love of all things holy, please keep these things in China.

3. Skechers Shape-Ups

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    NOTICE: If your girlfriend/wife says she wants toning sneakers for Christmas, she does NOT mean the Skechers Shape-Ups.

    Seriously, guys. I mean it.

    We hate these!

2. Nike SD Dunks Three Bears

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    I love a good pair of Dunks as much as the next girl, but I'm not feeling the "Spencer Pratt Facial Hair Edition."

1. MadFoot...Something

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    These shoes should only be used for the purpose of perfecting your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume.


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