Sex Scandals, Drug Orgies and FA Cup Upsets: The Footballing Weekend In Review

Upsets! Orgies! Infidelity! This was a vintage weekend for the British media and an action-packed couple of days for British football.

It has gotten to the point where surprises in the FA Cup are so widely expected that they have almost ceased to be surprising. In fact, people tend to be a bit disappointed when the more illustrious sides fail to fulfill their obligation to be beaten by the plucky underdog.

Illustrious is not a word which is often used in association with Rochdale, but their Friday night opponent, FC United, fit the plucky underdog bill perfectly.

The Evo Stik Premier Division side are 95 places below Rochdale in the league, making them, by FA Cup logic, strong favourites. Predictably, FC United did pull off the 'upset,' but needed a controversial 94th minute winner, which will definitely have upset Rochdale, who felt that their goalkeeper had been fouled in the build-up.

Another plucky underdog, AFC Wimbledon, were drawn against their evil corporate nemesis, MK Dons. The stage is set for a second-round FA Cup clash, which encapsulates the eternal struggle between football's cold blooded money men and the game's long suffering salt of the earth supporters.

Except that neither AFC Wimbledon nor MK Dons actually managed to win their FA Cup first-round match and both still have replays to get through, meaning that the stage isn't even close to being set and the performance, in all probability, won't actually happen. Still, it would be a shame to let a minor factual detail like this get in the way of a good headline.

Leaving both the FA Cup and the British media aside for a moment, I am going to cast my eyes north of the border where Celtic scored a slightly ridiculous nine goals against Aberdeen.

You can generally get a good impression of the quality in any given division with a quick glance at the scorelines.

Even at a Sunday League level the teams in the upper echelons will rarely concede more than a goal or two. Meanwhile, divisions six and seven of, say, the High Wycombe Sunday Combination, will be the setting for some distinctly unprofessional sounding 9-4 scorelines.

Up 4-0 at half time and with both teams reduced to ten men, Celtic could have taken their foot off the gas in order to preserve the dignity of Scottish domestic football. Instead, they emerged from the tunnel like a team possessed and scored another five goals in a result which reflects about as well on the standard of the Scottish Premier League as it does on Aberdeen's defence.

Meanwhile, two hundred miles further south, Manchester United's £8 million signing, Bebe, was showing the sort of crossing ability which would not have looked out of place in a Sunday league.

If Bebe was aiming for a spot somewhere in the Stretford End then his accuracy was unerring. If, on the other hand, he was actually attempting to pick out a team mate then it may not be too long before he follows in the footsteps of the legendary Ali Dia by leaving the Premiership for a level of football more suited to his limited ability.

Later on that evening Rafael Benitez's quest to convince the world that he isn't actually rubbish suffered another blow with a less than inspiring draw at home to Brescia. Anyone who follows Italian football will not be at all surprised to hear that Samuel Eto'o scored, he pretty much always does, but despite being guaranteed at least a goal a game by the in-form striker, Inter Milan are still struggling.

Benitez's weekend got worse on Sunday when his former team, Liverpool, won against league leaders Chelsea. The Spaniard seems to have given up all hope of persuading people that he is a better manager than his Inter Milan predecessor, Jose Mourinho, and has instead settled for attempting to score points off a slightly easier target, his Liverpool successor Roy Hodgson.

Unfortunately for Benitez, Liverpool have suddenly found a bit of form and Sunday's win was the fourth in a row for Hodgson's side. Fernando Torres scored two first half goals to consign the reigning Premier League champions to a rare defeat. You can just imagine Benitez swearing at the TV and shouting 'But, I signed him! Me! Me!' while Hodgson was pictured looking smug on the touchline.

Arsene Wenger is another manager who has definitely had better weekends. First of all, he had to deal with tabloid revelations that he had been having an affair with a French rapper. Wenger issued a statement describing it as a 'private matter' which it probably was right up until the point it got reported in all of Britain's best selling newspapers

While his alleged infidelity might have come as something of a surprise, his inability to sign a decent goalkeeper is well documented and was highlighted once again by Newcastle United on Sunday. Ironically, the major beneficiary was another man who has found himself on the wrong side of a recent tabloid sting.

Andy Carroll and Kevin Nolan would have woken up on Sunday morning to be greeted with headlines accusing them of participating in a drug-fuelled orgy. Closer inspection of the article in question revealed that neither player had taken drugs and that what actually happened was that Carroll had sex with a woman in Nolan's house.

Nolan's long-suffering wife was probably not delighted, but if either of the players in question were bothered they didn't let it show. Carroll scored the only goal of the game at the Emirates as Newcastle became the second newly promoted team to beat Arsenal at home this season.

When the error-prone Lucas Fabianski came out to claim a cross from the giant centre forward there really was only one likely outcome and it involved the goalkeeper looking forlornly at the referee while Carroll wheeled away in celebration. 

Carroll's propensity for picking up women in Newcastle night clubs does not appear to have detracted from his ability to score goals. Something clearly seems to be clouding Wenger's judgment though, as he is incapable of accepting the blindingly obvious fact that neither of his first choice goalkeepers is very good.

It is results on the pitch, rather than Wenger's behaviour off it, which will concern the Arsenal fans. They probably wouldn't begrudge their manager a bestial Neo Nazi themed orgy with half the Tottenham team if he went out and signed a world class goalkeeper at the end of it.

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