Tiger Woods: 10 Tips To Stay Out of Trouble in Tempting Thailand

Tiger Woods announced his plan to return to his mother's native Thailand for a one-day golf tournament in honor of Thailand's king's 84th birthday and 60th year on the throne. 

The 14-time major champ hasn't been to the country since 2000, and given Woods's recent scandals, this trip has the potential for big trouble. 

After all, Thailand is world renowned for its red-light districts, and for a guy who went to rehab for an addiction to just that sort of thing, heading into a tourist-heavy area like a country club could pose serious trouble.

In an effort to help Tiger keep his nose clean, we've compiled a list of 10 tips to help Woods on this trip.

10. See The Sights

Thailand is a beautiful country, full of lush vegetation and some of the richest cultural heritage you can find anywhere in the world. For Tiger to stay out of trouble off the course, he should consider going on a sightseeing tour of the countryside. After all, it's easy to keep your putter in your bag when you're looking at the Reclining Buddha. 

9. But Not These Sights

These sights will get Tiger into trouble. 

8. Don't Get a Massage

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NEWPORT, WALES - OCTOBER 03: Tiger Woods of the USA smiles during the Fourball & Foursome Matches during the 2010 Ryder Cup at the Celtic Manor Resort on October 3, 2010 in Newport, Wales. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

Sure, massages can be relaxing experiences that can revitalize both body and mind. But in Thailand, many massage parlors offer a little extra relaxation technique that Woods probably knows pretty well. 

This time around, it'd probably be for the best if Tiger just stayed away from rubdowns of any sort.

7. Don't Go Out With This Guy

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KOHLER, WI - AUGUST 12: Camilo Villegas of Colombia lines up a putt on the 16th green during the first round of the 92nd PGA Championship on the Straits Course at Whistling Straits on August 12, 2010 in Kohler, Wisconsin. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Gett

This guy is Camilo Villegas, one of the other three players in this tournament.

On top of being a tour heartthrob, I have a hunch Villegas is into some... unusual things. Probably best if Woods didn't go out with him on a regular basis while he's there. 

6. Go To Temple

Tiger's a Buddhist, so what better way to stay out of trouble than to spend all of your free time practicing your religion? 

Plus, it's hard to get laid when there are a bunch of monks around. 

5. Don't Do Any Movie Cameos

For those who haven't heard, there have been rumors swirling for months now that Tiger's going to be doing a cameo appearance in The Hangover II. The movie starts shooting this month in Thailand. 

For a guy who's trying to stay out of trouble, I can't help but feel like making an appearance in a movie that will probably be shooting in massage parlors or red-tinted areas is probably a bad idea. So, let's just scratch the idea entirely. 

4. Don't Go To Bars

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NEWPORT, WALES - SEPTEMBER 30: Tiger Woods of the USA chats with Dustin Johnson (R) during a practice round prior to the 2010 Ryder Cup at the Celtic Manor Resort on September 30, 2010 in Newport, Wales. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

A trip to a local bar doesn't seem like a big deal, right? I mean, there's nothing wrong with getting a beer at a bar in the U.S. 

Except that in Thailand, they have what are known as "bar girls." They are paid to spend time with patrons at the bar, and if a business deal is struck, so be it. 

In other words, probably best to just avoid this temptation.

3. Do NOT Call This Guy For Help

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MADISON, MS - SEPTEMBER 30: John Daly reacts to an errant shot during the first round of the Viking Classic held at Annandale Golf Club on September 30, 2010 in Madison, Mississippi. (Photo by Michael Cohen/Getty Images)

Let's say that in a moment of weakness, Tiger starts feeling those old urges to go on the prowl again. So, he decides he needs to call a fellow golfer to talk him down. 

John Daly would not be a good call to make. He's what we like to call an enabler. Besides, Daly's probably been banned from Thailand at this point, anyway. 

2. Stay In Your Hotel Room

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NEWPORT, WALES - OCTOBER 04: Tiger Woods of the USA reacts to a putt in the singles matches during the 2010 Ryder Cup at the Celtic Manor Resort on October 4, 2010 in Newport, Wales. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

The best way to stay out of trouble in Thailand? Don't go anywhere. Just stay in your hotel room, and watch soap operas (that's almost all that's on television in Thailand) when you're not golfing. 

Although, with the advent of cell phones, that still might not be enough for Tiger if he's feeling adventurous.

Which is why, if Tiger wants to stay out of trouble in Thailand, his best course of action is probably to...

1. Play It Safe

If worst comes to worst, Tiger could always take a page out of his life-size statue at a Thai restaurant's book, and play it safe. 

For those of you who don't know, the dashing figure in this picture is Tiger Woods. His clothes are made entirely out of condoms. The restaurant's purpose is to help promote safe sex in Thailand, and they feature dozens of condom laden statues like this.

If all else fails, Tiger should just take a page out of his rubbery friend's book.