Week 16 NFL Power Rankings: Winter Hits the NFL

A bit of movement at the top of the rankings this week, as some of the mighty unexpectedly fell to some of the merely average.

The Patriots remain the class of the league. They must be cheating somehow.

 

(Team — Last Week — Record )

1 New England Patriots    1 (14-0)

New England beat the Jets 20-10 to stay undefeated.

If you watched NBC's Football in America show before the Sunday night game, or ESPN's SportsCenter, it seemed all they could talk about was how New England “practiced running the ball for the postseason” against the Jets, as if the Patriots never run the ball.

Yes, the Patriots ran the ball 35 times for 131 yards Sunday, so what?

They average 29 attempts and 114 yards per game this season.  In fact, as far as rushing the ball goes, the Pats are 10th in the league in number of attempts, 12th in yards gained, and 13th in average yards per carry.

In short, they're a pretty darn good running team, but you'd never have known that if all you did is listen to the talking heads Sunday.

Fortunately, you're smart enough to read this column.

 

2 Green Bay Packers  4 (12-2)

In a sure sign that everyone is getting tired of Brett Favre, Peter King's Monday Morning QB column on cnnsi.com contained only 28 words of slobbering praise for him after he broke Dan Marino's career passing yardage mark Sunday.

It's about time.

 

3 Indianapolis Colts  3 (12-2)

"Everybody was shooting for us," coach Tony Dungy said after Indy's 21-14 victory over the punchless Raiders Sunday. "People talk about the post-Super Bowl letdown and everything like that. We haven't experienced that. Our guys have fought and worked and played as a unit, and today we got a lot of contributions from a lot of people. It's really been gratifying the way we had to do it." 

Gee, he's talking like the Colts have already won this Super Bowl too.

While they have wrapped up a first-round bye, they still have two games to play, and the road back to the Super Bowl goes through New England.

 

4 Dallas Cowboys  2 (12-2)

Tony Romo invited Jessica Simpson to Sunday's tilt against the Eagles in Texas Stadium. 

What a bad time to choke!

Romo looked more like Ryan Leaf than Peyton Manning as he went 13 of 36 for 213 yards, three INT's, and no TD's.

On the plus side, he set a career record for worst passer rating for a game at 22.2 as the Eagles beat the suddenly punchless 'Pokes 10-6.

 

5 Jacksonville Jaguars  5 (10-4)

Jacksonville gutted it out in the snow, 29-22 over the Steelers in Heinz Field Sunday.

Who'd have thunk the warm weather boys from Jacksonville would be so tough?

If you missed the game Sunday, there's a good chance you'll get to see another rendition of it in three weeks, as the Jags and Steelers seem destined to meet each other the first week of the playoffs.

 

6 Cleveland Browns  9 (9-5)

Yes, yes, yes, the Steelers swept the Browns this year, but right now they both have nine wins and five losses, and the Browns look like the better team.

They played a tough Buffalo team in the worst conditions anywhere in the NFL this week and came away with a dominating 8-0 win.

Their uniforms are still boring though.

 

7 San Diego Chargers  10 (9-5)

The Chargers pounded the Lions 51-14 in San Diego Sunday, as both Rivers and Tomlinson took a seat on the bench in the third quarter.

It's so nice to get a bye this late in the year to help rest up for the playoffs.

 

8 Tampa Bay Buccaneers  11 (9-5)

Tampa Bay pounded the hapless Falcons 37-3 as they clinched the NFC South, but the big story was Michael Spurlock returning a kickoff for a TD.

This was the Buccaneers' first kickoff return to the house in their 32-year history.

It took them 1,866 tries to get it.

The NFL average for kick offs returned for a TD over the past 32 years is about one 1 TD for every 186 kickoffs.

You'd figure this would be the year Tampa Bay would do it, because there's already been a record 22 kickoffs returned for TDs this year.

The average this year is one TD every 81 kick offs, so either a lot of coverage teams suck, or a lot of return teams rock.

 

9 Pittsburgh Steelers  7 (9-5)

The Steelers are reeling; they've now lost two in a row after being out-Steelered by the Jags Sunday.

Pretty bad when a warm weather team comes into your cold and snowy house in December and hands you your...um, er hat.

 

10 Seattle Seahawks  6 (9-5)

The Seahawks looked like the Seachickens in Carolina Sunday.

Hey, Carolina was down to their third-string QB, and they still beat the Seahawks.

They were even playing in Carolina where the Panthers haven't won in over a year, and they still beat the Seahawks.

The final score was 13-10, but it wasn't even really that close.

Seattle's got some work to do before the playoffs or it's going to be a quick trip for the team that went to the Super Bowl a couple of years ago.

 

11 New York Giants  8 (9-5)

The Seahawks looked like complete and total playoff frauds Sunday—until you compare them to the New York Giants, that is.

In a 22-10 loss to the Redskins at the Meadowlands Sunday Night, the Giants looked like a team that knows it only needs to win one game to make the playoffs and figures they'll get around to it sometime in the next couple of weeks.

They'd better watch out, because they're at the Bills next week and who knows what kind of weather they'll face up in Stalingrad.

And they finish up against a New England team that may well need one more win for football immortality in the last week of the season.

 

12 Minnesota Vikings  12 (8-6)

In a horribly ugly game Monday Night, Tarvaris Jackson regressed, throwing three interceptions as the Vikings eked out a tough 20-13 home victory over the punchless Bears.

Network execs cursed as the Viking victory knocked four teams—Detroit, Chicago, Philly and Arizona—out of the playoffs.

Oh, the carnage!

If Jackson keeps playing like this, it won't be long before the Vikes find themselves out of the playoffs too.

 

13 Tennessee Titans  14 (8-6)

Hey—for the first time in seven weeks, Vince Young didn't throw a pass to the other team, and the Titans rolled over the Chiefs 26-17.

Hard as it is to believe, Tennessee actually has a shot at the playoffs.

Network executives are cringing, because the Titans are downright painful to watch.

 

14 New Orleans Saints  20 (7-7)

In what was essentially a playoff game in New Orleans, the Saints kept their hopes alive with a 31-24 victory over the Cardinals that all but eliminated Arizona from playoff contention.

With no hurricane this year to garner sympathy, New Orleans was really hoping that the Saints would revert back to their normal losing ways.

 

15 Houston Texans  16 (7-7)

The Texans performed a mercy killing on Denver Thursday Night, with a 31-13 blowout of the inconsistent Broncos that knocked them out of playoff contention.

With two games left, the Texans are on the cusp of their first winning season.

Ever.

Too bad their last two games are at Indy and at home against the Jags.

 

16 Buffalo Bills  13 (7-7)

Buffalo hung tough in the weather in Cleveland, but in the end came up short.

Football fans around the country breathed a sigh of relief as Dick Jauron's Bills fell back to .500.

It's just unnatural to see a Dick Jauron-coached team with a winning record.

 

17 Washington Redskins  15 (7-7)

Todd Collins got his first NFL start in ten years—watching him lead the Redskins against the Giants, it was easy to see why he starts so rarely.

But fortunately they were playing the Giants, and he did enough to win.

The Redskins are still in the playoff hunt, and play at Minnesota next week.

 

18 Carolina Panthers  24 (6-8)

Carolinians were calling friends in other NFL cities trying to remember how to celebrate a big home win.

It's been over a year since they got to celebrate a home victory.

 

19 Philadelphia Eagles  22 (6-8)

Typical Donovan McNabb game—23 for 41 (56 percent completion rate) and nine runs for 53 yards added up to just enough to beat the cocky Tony Romo and his arrogant Cowboys.

Got to give credit to Jim Johnson, who designed a spectacular defensive gameplan that kept Romo confused, befuddled, and bewildered all day.

 

20 Denver Broncos  17 (6-8)

There is no joy in Denver, for Shanahan, the mighty Mastermind Shanahan, has struck out of the playoffs this season.

However, there's still reason for anti-Bronco fans to cheer on Denver's remaining opponents (@San Diego and Minnesota at Mile High), because one more loss will give the Broncos their first losing season since 1999.

 

21 Arizona Cardinals  18 (6-8)

There's never any joy in Arizona, as the Cardinals locked in their 19th non-winning season in the 20 years since they moved from St. Louis.

Arizona fans are so fed up with Bill Bidwell, they'd even trade St. Louis straight up for the Rams.

 

22 Detroit Lions  19 (6-8)

The Lions got blown out 51-14 in San Diego Sunday for their sixth straight loss.

With only two games to go (vs. Kansas City and at Green Bay), the best Detroit can finish is 8-8. So Matt Millen is guaranteed his seventh straight non-winning season since becoming the Lions GM. 

Finishing 8-8 is like kissing your cousin though. It's a not a winning season or a losing season.

So here's hoping that Detroit loses at least one more, to ensure that Millen gets a seventh straight full-blown losing season.

On the plus side for everyone, whatever Detroit finishes, there are a lot of teams worse than they are, so we won't have to watch Millen take another wide receiver with a top-five draft pick next spring.

 

23 Chicago Bears  23 (5-9)

Chicago was held to 209 total yards on offense and was an atrocious 1-14 on converting third downs in their 20-13 loss to Minnesota Monday Night.

On the plus side, they held rookie phenom Adrian Peterson to 78 yards, and had great special teams play—although Devin Hester never really broke one, and fumbled a ball out of bounds on their own three yard line.

And on the lighter side, anyone who knows a Bears fan should have recorded Tony Kornheiser's monologue on hubris before the game—it would make a perfect Christmas gift for your favorite Bears fan.

 

24 Cincinnati Bengals  21 (5-9)

The Bengals looked horrible against San Francisco Saturday Night in a 20-13 loss.

Their Orange Carpet of Welcome defense made third-string journeyman QB Shaun Hill look like Peyton Manning.

Even worse, their offense, which is the “strength” of the team looked horrible as well.

 

25 San Francisco 49ers  29 (4-10)

In a totally boring display of football Saturday Night, the red-leather-clad San Francisco cheerleaders were the most exciting thing on TV for the three hours of the game.

Red leather.

On cheerleaders.

Only in San Fran.

 

26 Oakland Raiders  25 (4-10)

The Raiders showed game against Indy Sunday in a 21-14 loss, which is more than Baltimore or Cincinnati did this weekend.

The difference is the Raiders were supposed to be bad this year and are still playing hard.

Cincy and Baltimore were supposed to be good, but look like they've given up on the season—that's why I'm so hard on them and give the Raiders a pass.

The Raiders deserve it.

 

27 Kansas City Chiefs  26 (4-10)

This is what Herm Edwards said about the Chiefs season last Tuesday:

"People aren't used to this in Kansas City. Get over it. It happens. It's called life. You can't think that you're too big (that) it can't happen to you. It happens to everybody." 

Way to go Herm!

Not only have you ruined a perennial playoff team, you've pissed off some of the most loyal fans in the league.

After that masterstroke, leading your Chiefs to their seventh-straight loss and worst home record in 30 years against the Vince Young-led Titans must have just been icing on the cake.

28 Baltimore Ravens  27 (4-10)

The Ravens and Brian Billick are made for each other.

Not only have the Ravens lost seven straight, but they completely gave up on the season after they thought they were robbed by the officials in the New England game.

That was three weeks ago—maybe Herm Edwards needs to tell them to get over it.

This week, they missed a field goal in OT and immediately gave up a 64 yard pass-and-run TD that won Miami their first game of the season.

Even worse, with 12 seconds to go in regulation, the Ravens had a 4th-and-goal from the one yard line...and Billick sent the field goal unit in to go for the tie.

What a match!

A cowardly coach for a gutless team.

 

29 New York Jets  31 (3-11)

Ah, the return of Chad Pennington, and another loss for the Jets.

But they didn't lose by the 50, 60, or 100 points that most pundits expected, or the 27 points that Las Vegas put on the line.

And Mangini and Bill Belichick were actually civil after the game.

So there goes about 10,000 hours of televised hype on ESPN, CBS, FOX and the NFL Network.

And millions of trees that were sacrificed for newspaper and magazine articles playing up the "Revenge Game."Not to mention, the billions of electrons that were severely inconvenienced to display web pages featuring stories about the bad blood.

Never has so much been said about so little.

 

30 St. Louis Rams  20 (3-11)

The Rams were Brett Favre and the Packers' designated road kill this week—and they performed that job admirably in a 33-14 loss.

 

31 Atlanta Falcons  28 (3-11)

Falcon players talked about how angry they were at being abandoned by Bobby Petrino, and how loose and excited they were in practice this week after finally getting rid of the coach they all hated.

So how did they respond?

They got absolutely destroyed 37-3, by a division rival that locked up the division crown with the victory.

But Roddy White got to take advantage of his moment of TV time to show off his homemade "Free Vick" t-shirt.

Not to take anything away from Petrino's actions, which were as classless as they come, but can you think of a group of more classless players you'd rather see this happen to?

 

32 Miami Dolphins  32 (1-13)

The last winless team finally won.

It took overtime, and it took a Raven team that has all but given up on the season, but they did it.

It's a taller task next week as they get to try to hang the first loss of the year on the Patriots.

But hey, the Dolphins are the team that gave the '85 Bears their only loss.

You never know, and that's why they play the games.