Marks Out of 10: Christmas in the EPL

Christmas is the time of year when I take stock of all the club football I've watched, and make some observations.

What happens next is simple: I give each PL club a score based on its current league position, entertainment value, and general demeanor this season.

After that, I give out several special awards to deserving clubs, based on all of the above, plus the general feeling among football fans.

So, in alphabetical order:

1. Arsenal FC

If you had tuned into Setanta Sports last week, and not known that Arsenal were playing away from home, you could be forgiven for thinking that Middlesborough were top of the table and not fighting against relegation.

That, however, is a momentary blip in a season where the Gunners' youngsters have come of age. Beating Chelsea yesterday took some doing, and the goal by William Gallas against his former club is the icing on the Christmas Cake!

Current Place: First

Score: 9.7/10

2. Aston Villa

It's incredible to think that two months have passed since my last "Marks Out of 10" article, and Aston Villa have dogmatically stayed in eighth place! A pity about the 1-1 draw with Sunderland, but I am confident that they can reel in the teams above them, and fight for that elusive fourth place spot.

Current Position: Eighth

Score: 6.9/10

3. Birmingham City

Oh dear. One win in five—notably, against fellow strugglers Spurs)—since they beat Wigan. A quick manager change to McLeish may help them immensely. I rate McLeish highly and I am confident they will stay up, be it through hard work and determination or nifty buying in the transfer market.

Current Place: Fifteenth

Score: 5.2/10

4. Blackburn Rovers

Blackburn have just one win in seven Premier League matches, and have been unlucky not to come away with at least a point in the others—the Portsmouth match springs to mind.

Mark Hughes has to make the mid-autumn rot stop now, but come on—who'd have have thought on-loan Charlton Striker Marcus Bent would ever get a Premier League hat-trick against them with Wigan?

Arsenal is their next match—uh oh.

Current Place: Ninth

Score: 4/10

5. Bolton Wanderers

Off ofthe bottom after what seems like ages, Megson has turned around the Northern outfit with some results in Europe that take the biscuit, and a 1-0 win over Manchester United to boot. Pity about the Manchester City result, but a good effort nonetheless.

Current Place: Sixteenth

Score: 6.2/10

6. Chelsea
Enter the villains. I was furious with some of the decisions not given against them in the West Ham encounter. John Terry will get no sympathy from me for a while now—there is never any excuse to grab an opposing player by the neck, ever.

Further than that, some rash and dangerous challenges from a whole cast of pantomime villains—John Obi Mikel, Solomon Kalou, and Belletti—have placed Chelsea in my bad books for not the first time this season. Gamesmanship is a poor excuse for a lack of playing real football, as demonstrated so capably by Arsenal yesterday against them.

If Abramovich wanted entertaining football, he should have hired an Italian...*cough, Cappello, cough!*

Current Place: Third

Score: 8.5/10—with one proviso: cut the diving, gamesmanship and moaning about wages please!

7. Derby County

Hooray! First away goal, against Manchester United. Okay, the final score was 4-1, but come on!

Paul Jewell's appointment took us all by surprise, but looking at the state of teams above, and the way in which they have kept their heads held high despite the losses, I think it's entirely possible that we'll be playing the theme to the “Great Escape” come April.

Current Place: Twentieth

Score: 5/10—Last time the proviso was scoring an away goal: and they did it against Manchester United. This time, I want them to win their first away match of the season—against Chelsea on the 8th March. Unlikely? I've just put a pound on the win.

8. Everton

Flying high again, and it is no coincidence that it is under Moyes, still managing well because he's been given time to do so! Very well done in recent weeks against West Ham and Pompey, but it's been seventh-heaven against Sunderland which puts them one better heaven than that, and into sixth place in the table.

Current Place: Sixth

Score: 8/10

9. Fulham

Sanchez has not proved to be the tactician that Fulham fans were hoping for, and I have felt that they had been riding their luck since late October. It seems the luck is starting to run out, and I feel that Fulham, unlike some of the teams in the relegation scrap, simply haven't the depth of squad to get out of trouble. Nothing has changed here position-wise since my last "Marks out of 10," and I don't expect it to come May.

Current Place: Eighteenth

Score: 2/10

10. Liverpool

One place lost since last time, but ridiculous team selections have let Rafa Benitez down again. How can he be so decisive and astute in the Champions League but so hopeless in the Premier League? Still, fifth place is a good base to build upon for the second half of the season, as long as Gerrard stays fit and purposeful.

Current Place: Fifth

Score: 7.7/10

11. Manchester City: Sven, Sven, Sven Goran Eriksson—could things get any better for the City fans? Lost one place from the last article, but it doesn't matter: the 100% undefeated home record is still intact, and helping them to push for that all-important third place, which should be wholly attainable.

Current Place: Fourth

Score: 8.9/10

12. Manchester United

Still playing well, with passion, flair and downright sneakiness—Tevez vs. Liverpool was laughable—and still playing for top of the play. Not much more to say, but I think Carrick may be out by the transfer window—he has not made the step up that the media hype said that he would.

Current Place: Second

Score: 9.6/10

13. Middlesborough

A fantastic result against Arsenal. playing some good, clean football—admittedly, cutting up Arsenal's youngsters a little bit, but if the tactics work... Play like that every week, Mr Southgate, and you might just stay up—and then some!

Current Place: Fourteenth

Score: 7.3/10

14. Newcastle United

The belt gets rid of the Cobra: Owen to be sold to...Charlton Athletic!

We can all dream, but I do agree with Alladyce—a consistent striker is needed to make Newcastle push their way up the table. Not bad form, a decent draw against Arsenal, although I'd advise Alladyce to make the most of Joey Barton before he gets locked up in March. The Jury's still out on whether Newcastle are actually going to finish in the top ten this year, or underachieve like they have every year since 1995.

Current Place: Tenth

Score: 7.5/10

15. Portsmouth

Still doing the business under Redknapp, who was my tip for the England job. Never mind, Harry—your hard-working Pompey lads are doing you proud. A few unlucky results over the autumn have cost Pompey a few places, but they deserve to be in the top ten.

Current Place: Seventh 

Score: 7.8/10

16. Reading

Not much to say about Reading. Read into this what you must, but Coppell has a few tough matches coming up, and I will reserve judgment on them until March, as they have not delivered what I promised of them these last few weeks!

Current Place: Thirteenth

Score: 6.5/10

17. Sunderland

New Year's resolution: Roy Keane must show a little more passion on the touchline, and no more chewing gum! Disgusting habit, but better perhaps than the wally with the brolly.

Still hanging above the relegation zone, but I think the confidence is growing and we could see them rise and rise...or fall. I hope for their sake it's not the latter. The depth of squad could be improved in the transfer market—namely, by a powerful central defender and a midfield general.

Current Place: Seventeenth

Score: 4.5/10

18. Tottenham Hotspur

Not out of the woods yet, although Ramos has been keeping me happy—playing Defoe/Bent and Berbatov/Keane as two separate partnerships seems to be working better. However, I don't see Darren Bent staying at Spurs past the end of the transfer window, neither do I see Paul Robinson being first choice keeper after that. Buy wisely, and train hard, and ye shall be rewarded—after Christmas.

Current Place: Twelveth

Score: 7/10

19. West Ham United

I have some sympathies for Alan Curbishley, as everyone knows by now after reading my articles on the England job. However, I just think West Ham have been woefully unlucky in their last few matches—not least the Chelsea fixture which should have rightfully been a point gained for West Ham, and two points dropped for Chelsea. The Devil looks after his own, sadly for the Hammers fans.

I predict better things to come in the new year. Keep the faith, and the man in charge.

Current Place: Eleventh

Score: 6.7/10

20. Wigan Athletic

Steve Bruce has made one of those bizarre moves sideways into a club almost identical in setup to his last club, Birmingham—with the added burden of trying to keep this club in the Premiership.

One win in fourteen matches does not bode well for Wigan, although the 5-3 win this weekend was well deserved, and featured a favourite Charlton player of mine, Marcus Bent. (Come back Marcus, all is forgiven!)

Will they stay up? They won't go down without a fight, that I am sure of, but without Heskey's key influence for another few weeks, the damage may already have been done.

Current Place: Nineteenth

Score: 3/10

...and now, for the Simon Martin EPL Awards! 

The Santa Special award goes to: High flying Manchester City, keeping that 100-percent home record well into the Christmas period. Very well done, the hard work is paying off.

The Christmas Cheer award goes to: Not an EPL team, but a Championship team—Watford, for their overwhelming support of Al Bangora, who is due to be deported. They share the prize with the Plymouth fans and club for what must be the finest gesture of goodwill this season.

The Christmas Turkey award goes to: Chelsea. How any of their players can complain about their wage packets is deplorable. This, coupled with some clear moments of gamesmanship from players who should know better, has put Chelsea near the top of the table...and given them the Christmas Turkey of the EPL.

Well, it's goodnight from me. Enjoy the festive season everybody!

Merry Christmas!