The NFL's Worst Teams Week Four: The Sad Sack Seven

Kickers, like life, will kill ya.

Let's hope that George Blanda did not have to watch his Raider replacement, the Seabass, sink Oakland before Blanda slipped out of the blue and into the silver and black. 

Reeling teams have tough choices this year.

With a lock out looming do you can a coach and hire a new staff and pay both even if the season is shortened next year?

Many teams will stick with their sinking ship captain and slay a few assistants and throw a few failed quarterbacks overboard.    

Its time to shed the ballast before the storm though judging by the slashed of a few teams, especially the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Jacksonville Jaguars, ballast has been jettisoned since last season. 

1] San Francisco 49ers [0-3]

Watching the wheels come off the 49ers is like watching an expensive ship and panicked crew sink in a storm.

The last time a crew looked this dazed, confused and unorganized was after the Titanic clipped that big iceberg in the chilly Atlantic.

And throwing the failed offensive coordinator off the life boat isn't enough to stem the panic.

Have Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck ever been to Candlestick?

2] Buffalo Bills [0-3]

And the executions begin...Mister Edwards would you like a cigarette and a blindfold before ye step up to the gallows? 

3] Carolina Panthers [0-3]

John Fox is in the final year of his Carolina deal.

The Fox is going to the hole and Jimmy Clausen is going to the wolves.

Listen to the mad wolves howl in New Orleans.

4] Cleveland Browns [0-3]

Eric Mangini is a fired coach walking.

It's not nice that the players have begun to shout"Fired coach walking, fired coach walking here." during games.

5] Jacksonville Jaguars [1-2]

It may take another half a dozen years, and a whole lot more tarps to cover the empty seats, but Happy Jack Del Rio and David Gerrard will turn this thing around.

And now you got the whole exciting Trent Edwards thing just kicking in.

You gotta believe, and buy, Jag fans.

And the buses to LA are going to need a lot of gas money.

6] Denver Broncos [1-2]

There is nothing like the thrill of back to back 3-10 seasons to excite fans unless its the thrill of watching traded stars perform superbly in other teams jerseys under the prime time lights.  

What ever happened to that Tebow guy anyway?

7] tie

Detroit Lions [0-3]

So very bad for so very long sometimes they have just become bad background buzz. As the song says one way or another this darkness has to give.

Washington Redskins [1-3]

Suddenly Donovan McNabb seems more like Jay Schroeder than Sonny Jurgensen  and Daniel Snyder still seems, sadly for the Skins, like Daniel Snyder..

New York Giants [1-3]

When Tom Coughlin considers that Eli Manning is the franchise for another decade he realizes how much fun golfing and grandkids can be.

Dallas Cowboys [1-3]

Schadenfreude, German for joy at others failings, is not a good thing. 

Watch Jimmy Johnson Schadenfreude grin shining when he the discusses the expertise of Football Man Jerry Jones and the future of the Cowboys...   

Special Terrible Tandem of the week:

Sebastian "Seabass" Janikowski and the Saint Garrett "Fat, punk," Hartley took years off the lives of their coaches and wins away from their teams.

Garrett at least looked like he cared the Seabass looked like he only cared about where his next hot dog and beer were going to be.

Which, sadly, speaks for the Silver and Black's Commitment to Excellence.

Terrible Television Questions of the Week

Can someone silence Stuart Scott? Must he ramble endlessly on in idiotic directions?

Can Colin Cowherd go away and watch Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire in the comfort of some nice women's clothing and leave us be?

Can Mike Tirico watch key plays and not miss them be going on long, tiresome tangents about timeouts or some minutia of the rules? Can Tirico ever be critical of the league or the officials?

Can Jon Gruden skip the long what a great guy some player is stories and not miss three key plays?

Can the first initial and silly nicknames finally stop? Must the announcers really call Aaron Rogers A-Rod? Can someone send the kill the stupid nicknames memo to Chris Berman?

Can the officials stop being the star of the show? Must they throw a flag and stop the action every other play? Prime time games have way too many commercials already must we stop the action to stare at the officials after almost every play?

Can we skip anymore Charlie Weis gallbladder tales? It had to hurt but ESPN made it like Cú Chulainn tying himself to a standing stone in County Loth to die fighting on his feet.

Can someone tell Michael Irvin to stop incoherently screaming and Deion Sanders to stop braying at his own jokes?

Finally can someone machine gun those annoying, insane creeps singing and marching to eat Buger King for breakfast?