Coach from the Couch—A Look Back at NFL Week 14

Similar to an aerobics class, there was a lot of clinching going on in the NFL this week.

Of the eight divisions, four are now decided. In addition, another team is in the playoffs and close to a division title. In the AFC, the two teams holding the lead in the wild card have eight or more wins. That eliminates the Dolphins, Jets, Chiefs, Ravens, and Raiders from any form of playoff contention. Teams hanging on by a thread include Cincinnati, Houston, and Denver. Teams outside looking in, but still in the thick of things, are the Titans and Bills.

In the NFC spots up for grabs are more wide open. The 7-6 Minnesota Vikings cling to the low wild card spot, meaning no team with less than four victories could possibly squeak in at this point. That eliminates the Rams, 49ers, and Falcons. Teams hanging on by a thread with five victories include Chicago, Philadelphia, and Carolina. The field that is one game back is huge. The Saints, Lions, Cardinals, and Redskins all have a shot.

Let’s review: twelve spots open, five teams in, eight teams out, six hanging by a thread, but in all probability gone. That leaves thirteen teams still in the running for the other seven playoff openings. THAT is a lot of football left my friends.

This week in the NFL everyone’s office pool winner probably had at least thirteen correct picks, meaning straight up, twelve games were no-brainers. Of the four remaining games in that pool, the only real upset was Houston beating Tampa Bay, but even that could have been predicted with Jeff Garcia on the bench nursing a sore back. San Diego/Tennessee, Chicago/Washington, and St. Louis/Cincinnati could go either way. All in all a feel good office pool week that STILL more than likely did not bring in any cash for Christmas gifts.

On to the Games!

Let's talk about the clinchers of the week first. The Indianapolis Colts took on the Baltimore Ravens in a game that looked like it might shape up to be a good one.

Baltimore came off a heartbreaking loss last week to the New England Patriots. Could they sustain that intensity two weeks in a row as they played the first and second best teams in the AFC back to back? NO!

Indianapolis blew out the Ravens 44-20. Peyton Manning threw for four touchdowns and 249 yards, Addai rushed for two and caught one of four, and the Colts moved to 11-2 overall, dropping the Ravens to 4-9. The Colts clinched a playoff spot and inched really close to a divisional crown.

Clincher Number Two

The Dallas Cowboys took on the Detroit Lions who have been cover-your-eyes awful the past few weeks. A blowout, right? NO! Just the opposite. Detroit, in dire need of a victory, led 27-14 with one quarter to go. Unfortunately, as a Detroit fan, the only cheer appropriate for the fourth quarter was OH NO ROMO, as Tony Romo rallied the Cowboys for two touchdowns, the final with eighteen seconds left, and Dallas squeaked out a 28-27 victory over the free-falling Detroit Lions.

To the Lions credit, they had this game in hand. Too bad the final score determines the actual outcome, or they would have won. Dallas clinched the division at 12-1. Detroit dropped to 6-7 and the 150 watt light bulb that signaled the brightness of their chances of going to the playoffs is replaced by a 75-watter.

Clincher Number Three

The Green Bay Packers manhandled the Oakland Raiders in a blowout worse than giving a six-month-old baby two gallons of prune juice. The game was close until the Packers were the only ones to score the ENTIRE second half, winning 38-7.

Oakland’s two game winning streak is history. Favre registered his 250th straight start, looking no worse for wear from the separated shoulder of last week. Cheeseheads everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief and thanked their lucky stars those blocks of cheddar on their head are not limburger, as that would really stink.

Packers clinched a playoff spot at 11-2. Raiders fell to 4-9.

Clincher Number Four

The Seattle Seahawks took on the Arizona Cardinals in a division matchup that would A) help Arizona pick up a game on Seattle, or B) allow Seattle to clinch the division and severely hurt the Cardinals chances at a playoff birth.

The actual answer? Option B—Seattle clinched in another blowout, 42-21. Seattle is on a five game win streak and is one of the hottest teams in the league. They moved to 9-4 overall, while the Cards dropped to 6-7.

Matt Hasselbeck threw for four TDs. Kurt Warner threw for three. The difference? Warner has five, count them, five interceptions in defeat. One more and you’d have to use another hand just to represent the interception total!!

Clincher Number Five

The New England Patriots took on the Pittsburgh Steelers in what looked like one of the only shots left at keeping the Patriots from going undefeated. Someone forgot to tell that to Pittsburgh though. The team appeared to stay in the locker room during the second half, and the Pats blew out the Steelers 34-13. They own their division, and pretty much the league at 13-0. Pittsburgh dropped to 9-4.

By the way, even though these games all fall in the clincher category, some teams already had the division or playoff spots wrapped up prior to this week. In an armoire oversight, the Coach from the Couch hasn’t mentioned these division lockups until this week, so if you live in some arctic area and only get Couch-like internet updates on the NFL, this should catch you up. Additionally it is interesting that clincher and blowout described almost every game in the category. Clinching is typically associates with holding off some sort of blowout, not propagating it.

Speaking of Blowouts, Let’s Just Finish the Purge

Jacksonville continues to be a quiet sneaky team that would be a nightmare of a wildcard to play sometime in the not-so-distant future. They stomped Carolina 37-6. Fred Taylor rushed for 132 yards and a TD, David Gerrard threw for two TDs and 230 yards, and Carolina had stats so miniscule you can’t even mention one without thinking it is a typo. The Jags defense is something else. Jags are 9-4, Carolina is 5-8.

Blowout Number...Oh, I Lost Count, Just Bring Me Some More Underpants!

Denver continued the blowout-fest with a 41-7 victory over hapless Kansas City. Jake Cutler went 20/27 with four touchdowns. Brandon Marshall caught two of those touchdowns on ten catches for 115 yards. Selvin Young rushed for 156 yards and I know what you are thinking: Who is Selvin Young? Denver continues to traipse out running backs like they are manufactured in Denver.

On the KC side, Brody Croyle had a horrible 132 yards as Tony Gonzalez caught 76 of them, and the Chiefs were embarrassed yet again. The Broncos are 6-7, fighting for their playoff lives. The Chiefs are wondering what is for breakfast on Monday at 4-9.

Blow, Blow, Blow Your Boat

Minnesota threw San Francisco overboard and listened to them scream with a 27-7 lamb basting. The Vikings forced five turnovers in victory. Adrian Peterson did not run for one bazillion yards for once, but, nonetheless the Vikes cruised to victory. They’ve won four games in a row and appear to be multi-dimensional at 6-7. Plus they have Adrian Peterson. San Fran hopes to cash in on a high draft pick at this point at 3-10.

Blown Up

On the same day Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in jail for his participation in a dog fighting ring, the Atlanta Falcons got crushed again. A few players supported their fallen quarterback, wearing the number seven. While Vick may be a nice guy in some respects, and friends should support friends, you have to wonder about someone who publicly supports Vick after what he did. I would stand by my friends in their hour of need as well, but I certainly wouldn’t do it on television. It will be interesting to see what the NFL does about this whole mess. Will Vick ever play again?

Anyhow on to the game...Drew Brees had an incredible day with 328 yards passing and three TDs. Aaron Stecker, the Saints third running back (the other two are hurt) rushed for 100 yards and the Saints kept their playoff aspirations alive moving to 6-7. Atlanta dropped to 3-10.

Roll On Big 0

Not only did Miami lose again, they were annihilated by Buffalo 38-17. Trent Edwards threw for four touchdown strikes and the Bills scored three touchdowns in the first quarter, yet the other three quarters had to be played since there is no “UNCLE” rule in football. If you are a Miami fan, all I can say is, beat New England Week 15 and your season is saved! Good luck with that.

Buffalo is now 7-6 and has a huge matchup against 8-5 Cleveland next week as they chase the Browns for the wild card. Miami is 0-13.

Who’d a Thunk It?

Jeff Garcia is definitely a huge part of the Buccaneers' success. Just a few short years ago, he looked pedestrian as the Cleveland Browns tried to force him into being a pocket passer. Fast forward to this year and he is a savior in Tampa. This week he sat yet again with a sore back as the Bucs had a chance to lock up the division.

Houston had other ideas. They opened the scoring and closed the scoring, winning 28-14. Coach Gruden mentioned Garcia should be back next week, and it's not a moment to soon, even though Tampa does sit on a two game division lead at 8-5. Houston retains slim playoff hopes at 6-7.

Best Game of the Week

San Diego/Tennessee certainly looked like a battle and neither team disappointed. Both needed a win, but the Titans needed it more, as the Chargers division is, politically speaking, not so good.

The Titans came out wanting it more and after three quarters held a comfortable 17-3 lead. The Chargers roared back scoring two touchdowns, the last one with nine seconds to play, and sent the game into overtime. LaDanian Tomlinson then demonstrated why he is the elite back in the league, running sixteen yards for the winning touchdown in overtime. The Chargers won 23-17. Tomlinson had 146 yards rushing and 27 yards receiving, also tallying two of their touchdowns.  So goes Tomlinson, so go the Chargers, yet no one can stop him. The Chargers are 8-5, while Tennessee took a huge hit and dropped to 7-6, falling one game back in the playoff hunt.

The Knights of Knees

Rex Grossman and Jason Campbell both started at quarterback, and both left with knee injuries. Campbell appeared the worse for wear with a dislocated left knee cap. Brian Griese filled in for Grossman, Collins filled in for Campbell, and both had big games.

The difference? Griese threw two interceptions and the Washington Redskins picked up a much-needed victory over the Chicago Bears 24-16, moving to 6-7. The Bears, meanwhile are 5-8 and their hopes for a playoff spot went from a 75 watt light bulb to a keychain flashlight.

Cleveland in the Lead? Get Outta Town!

The Browns have made a living this year coming back from the dead to win. This week they look like they had the game in the bag until the Jets started their onside kick-fest three times at the end of the fourth.

The Jets trailed 17-6, but scored a touchdown with 2:59 to play. They went for two, missed, and trailed 17-12. Then there was an onside kick, recovered by the Jets. Down by five, for some reason on a fourth and 10, the Jets chose to kick a field goal rather than go for it. The kick was good, but they had to complete another successful onside kick. Off it went, and the Browns' Joe Jurevicius ran it back quite a ways. Lewis had a tremendous run two plays later for the Browns touchdown. 24-15.

Game over? Not so fast. New York drove again, kicking a field goal with 32 seconds left and setting up onside kick number three. Jurevicius recovered for the second time in a row for the Browns, preserving the wild-ending victory. The Browns moved to 8-5. Jets are 3-10. The Browns remain in the last wild card spot, one game up on the chasers.

Rounding Out the Field

The Giants beat Philadelphia 16-13, although they continue to puzzle. While their record is 9-4, it is difficult to judge how they match up against the other elite teams in the NFL. They aren’t blowing out anyone. They seem to win by three when they play good teams or bad ones. They appear elite, but again, it's hard to tell.

The Eagles, meanwhile, keep losing tough, dropping to 5-8 and hanging by a thread in the NFC playoff picture.

Finally, St. Louis lost to Cincinnati 19-16. The Rams are 3-10, the Bengals 5-8.

So ends another week in the NFL. Only three weeks remain in the regular season and playoffs are right around the corner.

The holiday season is a great excuse to shop for extra potato chips and beer.  It is also a great time to contribute to Toys for Tots, or give a dollar to your favorite homeless guy. It’s a time to be thankful you are not a Miami Dolphins' fan, unless of course you are a Miami Dolphins' fan, then I would say you are thankful there are only three games left in the season. Its also a time to consider buying a big screen TV for the Super Bowl, pretending it is for the good of the family.

Coach from the Couch says “Ho, Ho, Ho” since it really is a laugh, but Santa has inexplicably had this taken away from his vocabulary as not to offend anyone.

P.S. Little kids who believe in Santa PROBABLY have no clue of the negative connotations associated with “ho.”  If they do?...Ooof. Can we in America say “Politically correct overkill?”