NFL Power Rankings, Week 2: Box Office Heroes of 2010 Edition

In the seemingly inevitable movie about the New Orleans Saints and their journey from Hurricane Katrina refugees to Super Bowl Champions, who would play Drew Brees?

Ashton Kutcher? Leonardo DiCaprio? Bradley Cooper?

It is an interesting enough question, and it is a question that has inspired this week's Box Office Heroes Edition of the NFL Power Rankings, whereby we dress up all 32 teams as 2010 movies, and rank them from worst to first.

32. Oakland Raiders: <i>Machete</i>

It doesn't matter who is in charge of putting the team together, or who is on the team.

It doesn't matter if there is already a fan base in place, or if the concept is already wildly popular.

If, at the end of the day, no one associated with the project sees it as anything more than a joke, and no one even attempts to make it into something special, then the project will never be a success.

31. St. Louis Rams: <i>Salt</i>

Features one big-name star doing what we've come to expect, along with a bunch of lesser talent that has little business being in the business.

30. Cleveland Browns: <i>The Last Airbender</i>

Helmed by a guy who was on top of the world just a few years ago, but who has performed so poorly since then that we're all beginning to wonder if it was just a matter of luck.

29. Detroit Lions: <i>Eat, Pray, Love</i>

You'll go, because it's there and it features some people you've heard of. You'll even convince yourself that it won't be as bad as you think it will be.

But then afterwards you'll wish you had your money back.

28. Denver Broncos: <i>MacGruber</i>

On a smaller stage, with a robust supporting cast in a proven system, this one-dimensional gimmick killed and delighted many fans. That is what happens when you have inferior competition and the cards stacked in your favor. 

To then take this hokey concept to the next level and expect success on the biggest stage seems, at best, a bit absurd.  This leading man is not likely ready for the prime time.

27. Carolina Panthers: <i>The Other Guys</i>

This one is going to go so badly that it is going to force you to wonder whether the people associated with it were ever as good as you once thought they were.

26. Buffalo Bills: <i>Resident Evil: Afterlife</i>

Lacking any sort of big-name star power, coherent organization structure, or even mildly interesting sub-plots, die-hard fans will pay money for this one, but there will be little broad-based appeal.

Will ultimately prove to be forgettable for all involved.

25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: <i>The Back-Up Plan</i>

There will be people out there who will pay money to see this, but at the end of the day it is just going to be dumb, pointless, and forgettable.

24. Seattle Seahawks: <i>Clash Of The Titans</i>

Featuring stars we're either tired of or never cared that much about in the first place, this one is probably dead on arrival.

23. San Francisco 49ers: <i>Killers</i>

You can survive having a talented cast not giving it their all, and you can survive having a big-named but not-so-talented cast perform up to their limited potential.

But what happens when a big-named but not-so-talented cast phones it in?

22. Philadelphia Eagles: <i>Hot Tub Time Machine</i>

Conceptually, this one looks like a lot of fun, but at the end of the day there is probably a low ceiling (and no clear leader) for this project.

Breaking even will probably be considered a success.

21. Dallas Cowboys: <i>The Twilight Saga: Eclipse</i>

A commercial success but a critical failure. One of the most famous franchises in America, it has tons of fans, gets lots of media attention, and is a multi-million dollar industry cash-cow.

At the end of the day, though, we have to come to terms with the fact that the cast is full of overrated, one-dimensional pretty boys who aren't the super-stars they've been made out to be, and the end-product just isn't that good.

20. San Diego Chargers: <i>Dinner For Schmucks</i>

Sometimes a team can have some of the most talented players around, but if there isn't a good system in place, it will all fall to pieces.

19. Arizona Cardinals: <i>The A-Team</i>

This is a reincarnation of a great fan-friendly concept whose surprising success no one foretold. It made stars out of marginal players, and achieved a level of notoriety that continues to this day.

This re-boot, however, attempts to replace legendary performers with generic stand-ins, and the result is, in all likelihood, going to be embarrassing for all involved.

Its similarity to the original alone will give it some life, but this is a mediocre replacement for what was truly lightning in a bottle.

18. Kansas City Chiefs: <i>Grown Ups</i>

Some of these guys have done wonderful things in the past. Some of these guys have spent their careers being propped up by their system and their supporting cast.

For whatever reason, put them all together and they seem to fall flat. But as long they're all having fun, that's what's important, right?

17. Miami Dolphins: <i>Cop Out</i>

Features a superstar duo, one of whom is consummate professional who has always handled himself with professionalism and class, the other of whom is a head-case/sociopath whom it is hard to believe still has a job in the industry.

Such a pairing is sure to generate some fun moments, but is it something we'll all feel good about at the end of the day?

16. Minnesota Vikings: <i>Sex and The City 2</i>

In its original incarnation, the world fell in love and it was considered to be at the top of its game. 

At the end of its run, however, it started to wear a thin, and mercifully it came to an end at what appeared to most people to be an appropriate time.

At first, when the big comeback was announced, on a new and bigger stage, we were intrigued and, for the most part, somewhat pleased.

We didn't know, however, that there would be another comeback, and at this point it all seems a little old and tired.

We'd prefer it all just went away.

15. Cincinnati Bengals: <i>Joan Rivers Is a Piece Of Work</i>

More of a documentary than a feature film, a retrospective on the career of a mega-star of yesteryear who has become a self-caricature living in the shell of past glories.

It is a topical piece whose star alone will sell tickets, but more as a spectacle than as a legitimate contender.

14. Atlanta Falcons: <i>Despicable Me</i>

Certainly won't be bad; everyone will enjoy it and have a good time, and it will certainly be good enough to ensure that everyone involved will have a job come next year.

At the same time, we won't be looking back and remembering this one years from now, and it won't be achieving anything great at the end of its run.

13. Chicago Bears: <i>Knight and Day</i>

Features lots of glitz and glamour from two big-name stars, but is there enough talent on the field to make it work?

12. Tennessee Titans: <i>Date Night</i>

Can two excellent stars, two of the best in their business, carry an entire team to success?

11. Jacksonville Jaguars: <i>Get Him To The Greek</i>

You enjoyed some of the guys on this team in past years, and you may even be surprised by what they do here or in the future, but at the end of the day nothing memorable will come from this one.

10. Washington Redskins: <i>The Karate Kid</i>

A recurring theme and plot, but in spiffy new digs.

The former franchise, off of which this new project is based, was legendary, and the old kid and teacher remain fresh in the memories of its fans.

Will this franchise re-boot be as successful as its predecessor in a different setting, with a different cast of characters, and, in a fun new twist, with an African American in the title role?

9. New York Giants: <i>The Sorceror's Apprentice</i>

Sometimes a big star can be pretty mediocre for the majority of his career, and then he gets one lucky break and he becomes a legend even though, at the end of the day, he is still mediocre.

Can one star and tons of money make a concept work?

Not if that one star's best days are behind him, and if he was never as good as people thought he was in the first place.

8. New York Jets: <i>Iron Man 2</i>

This is a franchise that recently took the world by surprise and produced one of the smartest, craftiest, and edgiest products in its genre.

The most recent incarnation of the franchise has added some veteran leaders and some sexy new talent, and looks to build upon its previous success.

7. Pittsburgh Steelers: <i>Takers</i>

If you can get past the one member of the cast who is a despicable woman-beater–and to be fair, they didn't know that about him when they put this team together–you may actually enjoy this ensemble cast with some delightful role players and a couple of stars who can take your breathe away.

Not sure how far this one can go, but it is certainly a talented and complementary group.

6. Indianapolis Colts: <i>Shutter Island</i>

Just goes to show what can happen when you surround one of the greatest leaders we've ever seen with smart, cerebral players who ply their craft in a professional, workman like manner.

It may not end well, but it will be well worth the price of admission.

5. Houston Texans: <i>Winter's Bone</i>

Surprisingly good direction and an overachieving supporting cast surround a superstar in the making who came literally out of nowhere to deliver one of the year's top performances.

4. Baltimore Ravens: <i>The Expendables</i>

Many of your favorite tough guys of all time—along with some new blood—are here making lots of noise, blowing things up, and kicking ass without bothering to take names.

At the end of the day, though, there is a chance that these old guys will be out-paced and out-classed by their younger, smarter competitors.

It doesn't mean you won't have lots of fun, though.

(Editor's Note: No, The Expendables is not the fourth best movie of the year. But the Ravens as The Expendables is too good to pass up, so I'm sticking with it. Anyone who doesn't see the Stallone/Statham Lewis/Flacco analogy isn't trying.)

3. New England Patriots: <i>Alice in Wonderland</i>

This from a team that has been consistently cranking out some of the top performances in the industry for years. You really can't question anything they do, and they get the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

At the same time, you can't help to wonder if the train is starting to come off the tracks a little.

2. Green Bay Packers: <i>Toy Story 3</i>

One of the hallmarks of a great franchise is complementary parts that work together flawlessly. When everyone on the team, from the biggest star in the cast to the most unknown member of the crew, knows their role and performs it well, something magical can take place.

1. New Orleans Saints: <i>Inception</i>

An all-star cast headed by a good-looking all-American leading man and being led by a brilliant director who knows how to bring out the best in each of his players.

Is inception possible? Is it possible to implant the idea of "winning" into the mind of a city, and make them believe that the idea is their own?

Will the fleur de lis shaped totem stop spinning at some point this season, or will the New Orleans Saints continue to live in a dream?