NFL Quote War: Quarterbacks Vs. Kickers
QUOTE WARS: QUARTERBACKS vs KICKERS
This week on quote wars, we’re looking at quarterbacks vs kickers, two of the flakiest positions in NFL football.
Do you doubt us? Kickers have these strange names, usually foreign, learned to play futbol, kick soccer-style, say things like “I keeck a touchdown,” and wouldn’t know how to tackle if you asked them.
The quotes we get from players playing these positions will be weird, crazy, who knows? But we’re also going to throw in quotes from coaches and announcers discussing these guys.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re two steps ahead of me, as usual.
You’re saying “Well, if quarterbacks AND kickers are so crazy and so quotable, what about George Blanda? He was a quarterback and a placekicker…and proficient at both. He is pictured above. He did both! He must be a nutcase. He must be the greatest quote machine of all time!”
Sorry. You’d think that’d be the case, but I looked. The truth is, and I know you’re not going to believe this, George Blanda is just plain…bland. Not sure why.
You may also be asking, why quarterbacks? Don’t they have to learn complete playbooks, be smart, leaders and all that? Yes. But one thing separates them from all the other players. They bark out signals with their hands placed under another player’s butt.
If they don’t feel self-conscious about it, something is wrong. And if they do feel self-conscious about it, they’ll eventually snap.
You might be also asking who is smartest between these players. Let’s have a look-see and a quote-see:
Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Howie Long V Terry Bradshaw)
We were keeping this on quarterbacks and kickers but Dan Fouts brought up defensive linemen. Maybe we should let defensive linemen rag on a quarterback.
Howie Long, on Terry Bradshaw - "In Montana, they renamed a town after all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw - Marblehead."
Should we let Bradshaw answer?
Terry Bradshaw - "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."
Quote War: QBs Vs Kickers (Michael Vick V Garo Yepremian)
Let’s start with a guy known for his great judgment in friends:
Michael Vick (Atlanta Falcon QB)—“Luckily, I have people I can trust watching over my things while I’m out here earning a paycheck.”
Followed by a quick-thinking kicker:
Garo Yepremian—on his disastrous attempt to throw a pass in the Super Bowl: “Many big people were chasing me. I didn’t know what to do. So I thought I would surprise them and throw it.”
Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Chris Simms V Lou Groza)
Next, let's hear from the blond prince of a quarterback:
Chris Simms (as Tampa Bay QB)—"Once they pull that spleen out of my shoulder, I should be good to go."
Okay, Chris, we know you didn't major in anatomy, but at least you're younger and more immortal than those old kickers.
Lou Groza—"Old placekickers never die. They just go on missing the point."
Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Joe Theismann V Adam Vinatieri)
Joe Theismann—"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Maybe a genius is someone who ducks and hides when Lawrence is chasing him. Maybe a genius is someone who understands their job like Adam, below:
Adam Vinatieri—"You just have that swing; you know what you have to do. You just go out there and do it."
Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Dan Fouts V Matt Stover)
Some quarterbacks went into into broadcasting. It gave them a chance to vent:
Dan Fouts - "Now that I'm retired I want to say all defensive linemen are sissies."
What about kickers? Are they sissies? How do they think of themselves? Let's ask Matt Stover (pictured
Matt Stover, describing his job - "The way I look at a kicker is that we are the sniper. We are the guy who
sits out in the brush for three, four days waiting for his opportunity - to kick the field goal or take out the
general or whatever it takes."
Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Jeff George V Morton Anderson)
QBs who toss the ball 88 yards aren't always considered the brightest bulb. But what if he's compared
to Jay Cutler?
Jeff George, on being compared to Jay Cutler "Oh, that's a HUUUUUGE compliment. I mean, come
on, you can't get any better than that!"
Okay Jeff, we know you want back in the league. But no matter what, you never play as long as some
of those kickers. What about this guy - Morton Anderson? He's been in the league 25 years. 25 years!
And you know what else, after 25 years in the league coaches still call time out on him during the last
few seconds trying to freeze the kicker.
Morton Anderson, on the habit of coaches calling time outs during last second, game winning kicks:
"To me, it's an advantage because it gives me extra time to find my target, to set up and get relaxed. I
chuckle to myself because I know they just helped me."
Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Joe Namath V David Akers)
Last second kicks can make or break place kickers. How do they feel about it?
David Akers (Philadelphia kicker) - "You're kind of the hero or the goat, and rightfully so... or not."
No, wait a moment, the quarterback brought the team down the field, setting up the field goal. The
quarterback should be the hero. Joe Namath, anything you want to say to David Akers?
Joe Namath - "I wanna kiss you."
Hold it, Joe. We know you wore pantyhose and all that but David Akers could kick just as well on
astroturf as he could on grass. What do you say to that?
Joe Namath - "I don't know if I prefer astroturf to grass. I never smoked astroturf."