NFL Quote War: Quarterbacks Vs. Kickers

Stan Silliman@@stansillimanCorrespondent IISeptember 8, 2010

NFL Quote War: Quarterbacks Vs. Kickers

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    Quarterback AND Kicker George Blanda
    Quarterback AND Kicker George BlandaGeorge Rose/Getty Images

    QUOTE WARS: QUARTERBACKS vs KICKERS

    This week on quote wars, we’re looking at quarterbacks vs kickers, two of the flakiest positions in NFL football. 

    Do you doubt us? Kickers have these strange names, usually foreign, learned to play futbol, kick soccer-style, say things like “I keeck a touchdown,” and wouldn’t know how to tackle if you asked them.

    The quarterbacks…they’re…er…flaky. 

    The quotes we get from players playing these positions will be weird, crazy, who knows? But we’re also going to throw in quotes from coaches and announcers discussing these guys.   

    I know what you’re thinking. You’re two steps ahead of me, as usual.

    You’re saying “Well, if quarterbacks AND kickers are so crazy and so quotable, what about George Blanda? He was a quarterback and a placekicker…and proficient at both. He is pictured above. He did both! He must be a nutcase. He must be the greatest quote machine of all time!”

    Sorry. You’d think that’d be the case, but I looked. The truth is, and I know you’re not going to believe this, George Blanda is just plain…bland. Not sure why.

    You may also be asking, why quarterbacks? Don’t they have to learn complete playbooks, be smart, leaders and all that? Yes. But one thing separates them from all the other players. They bark out signals with their hands placed under another player’s butt. 

    If they don’t feel self-conscious about it, something is wrong. And if they do feel self-conscious about it, they’ll eventually snap.

    You might be also asking who is smartest between these players. Let’s have a look-see and a quote-see:

Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Howie Long V Terry Bradshaw)

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    NEW ORLEANS - JANUARY 24:  Hall of Fame quarterback and current Fox Sports football analyst Terry Bradshaw looks on as the New Orleans Saints play against the Minnesota Vikings during the NFC Championship Game at the Louisiana Superdome on January 24, 201
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    We were keeping this on quarterbacks and kickers but Dan Fouts brought up defensive linemen. Maybe we should let defensive linemen rag on a quarterback.

    Howie Long, on Terry Bradshaw - "In Montana, they renamed a town after all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw - Marblehead." 

    Should we let Bradshaw answer?

    Terry Bradshaw - "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."

Quote War: QBs Vs Kickers (Michael Vick V Garo Yepremian)

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    PHILADELPHIA - SEPTEMBER 02: Michael Vick #7 of the Philadelphia Eagles drops back to pass during a preseason game against the New York Jets at Lincoln Financial Field on September 2, 2010 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Ima
    Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

    Let’s start with a guy known for his great judgment in friends:

    Michael Vick (Atlanta Falcon QB)—“Luckily, I have people I can trust watching over my things while I’m out here earning a paycheck.”

    Followed by a quick-thinking kicker:

    Garo Yepremian—on his disastrous attempt to throw a pass in the Super Bowl: “Many big people were chasing me. I didn’t know what to do. So I thought I would surprise them and throw it.”

Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Chris Simms V Lou Groza)

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    SEATTLE - AUGUST 22:  Quarterback Chris Simms #2 of the Denver Broncos warms up before the game against the Seattle Seahawks on August 22, 2009 at Qwest Field in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)
    Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

    Next, let's hear from the blond prince of a quarterback:

    Chris Simms (as Tampa Bay QB)—"Once they pull that spleen out of my shoulder, I should be good to go."

    Okay, Chris, we know you didn't major in anatomy, but at least you're younger and more immortal than those old kickers.

    Lou Groza—"Old placekickers never die. They just go on missing the point."

Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Joe Theismann V Adam Vinatieri)

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    INDIANAPOLIS - DECEMBER 27:  Adam Vinatieri #4 of the Indianapolis Colts kicks a field goal during the NFL game against the New York Jets at Lucas Oil Stadium on December 27, 2009 in Indianapolis, Indiana.  (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)
    Andy Lyons/Getty Images

    Joe Theismann—"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

    Maybe a genius is someone who ducks and hides when Lawrence is chasing him. Maybe a genius is someone who understands their job like Adam, below:

    Adam Vinatieri—"You just have that swing; you know what you have to do. You just go out there and do it."

Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Dan Fouts V Matt Stover)

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    MIAMI GARDENS, FL - FEBRUARY 07: Matt Stover #3 of the Indianapolis Colts misses a 51 yard field goal in the fourth quarter against the New Orleans Saints during Super Bowl XLIV on February 7, 2010 at Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida.  (Photo by
    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    Some quarterbacks went into into broadcasting. It gave them a chance to vent:

    Dan Fouts - "Now that I'm retired I want to say all defensive linemen are sissies."

    What about kickers? Are they sissies? How do they think of themselves? Let's ask Matt Stover (pictured

    above).

    Matt Stover, describing his job - "The way I look at a kicker is that we are the sniper. We are the guy who

    sits out in the brush for three, four days waiting for his opportunity - to kick the field goal or take out the

    general or whatever it takes."

Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Jeff George V Morton Anderson)

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    CHICAGO - DECEMBER 05: Recently signed QB Jeff George #11 of the Chicago Bears warms up prior to a game against the Minnesota Vikings on December 5, 2004 at Soldier Field in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    QBs who toss the ball 88 yards aren't always considered the brightest bulb. But what if he's compared

    to Jay Cutler?

    Jeff George, on being compared to Jay Cutler "Oh, that's a HUUUUUGE compliment. I mean, come

    on, you can't get any better than that!"

    Okay Jeff, we know you want back in the league. But no matter what, you never play as long as some

    of those kickers. What about this guy - Morton Anderson? He's been in the league 25 years. 25 years!

    And you know what else, after 25 years in the league coaches still call time out on him during the last

    few seconds trying to freeze the kicker.

    Morton Anderson, on the habit of coaches calling time outs during last second, game winning kicks:

    "To me, it's an advantage because it gives me extra time to find my target, to set up and get relaxed. I

    chuckle to myself because I know they just helped me."

Quote War: QBs V Kickers (Joe Namath V David Akers)

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 14:  Former NFL quarterback Joe Namath arrives at the 2010 ESPY Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on July 14, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images for ESPY)
    Jason Merritt/Getty Images

    Last second kicks can make or break place kickers. How do they feel about it?

    David Akers (Philadelphia kicker) - "You're kind of the hero or the goat, and rightfully so... or not."

    No, wait a moment, the quarterback brought the team down the field, setting up the field goal. The

    quarterback should be the hero. Joe Namath, anything you want to say to David Akers?

    Joe Namath - "I wanna kiss you."

    Hold it, Joe. We know you wore pantyhose and all that but David Akers could kick just as well on

    astroturf as he could on grass. What do you say to that?

    Joe Namath - "I don't know if I prefer astroturf to grass. I never smoked astroturf."