Liver s Thursday Night Pick: Bears to Cover against Redskins

Who says a Monday Night Football game can’t be both educational and fun?

I learned quite a bit Monday night that I didn’t know. Number one: It is possible to kick off at the plus-35 yard line after a moron—let’s call this moron Bart Scott for argument’s sake—racks up 30 yards in personal foul penalties.

By the way, what does the NFL put in those flags, buckshot? When Scott picked up that flag and hurled it into the crowd I couldn’t help but think A) this is a meltdown of epic proportions and B) the Red Sox and Yankees just got on the phone to Scott’s agent and are inquiring as to his pitching status.

Lesson number two: It is a penalty to throw a flag into the stands.

Seeing the Patriots kick off at the Ravens' 35-yard line just might rank as the number one sight gag of the season—followed closely by the punt in the Steelers–Dolphins Monday night game landing like a bowling ball on the muddy slop known as Heinz Field. I half expected to see a Paul Crewe drop kick.

I hadn’t heard grapes as sour as those from the Ravens after the game since the Mavs choked against the Heat a year and a half ago. Whether or not head linesman Phil McKinnely used inappropriate language towards Samari Rolle does not mean there’s a conspiracy for the Patriots.

Did the refs call that timeout when the Ravens had the Patriots dead to rights at fourth-and-one? No, Brian "I’m a genius" Billick did. It’s truly a lesser of two evils moment when I have to decide who I’d rather see win: Bill Belichick or Brian Billick.

I despise BOTH of those arrogant asses and want nothing more than to see both suffer. My hatred for Billick goes back to 2000, which predates my hatred for Belichick. Billick’s team is a mouthy, brutish bunch of excuse makers.

You can say all you want about the Patriots—and most have—but you can’t accuse them of that.  You don’t hear them, you just watch them play and play well.

Yes, I am sober, and yes—I’m actually defending the Patriots here. I think I can feel the puke rising to my mouth.

I’ve never hated the Patriots team, just their coach. My sentiments towards Belichick are well documented in the oft-lamented Bleacher Report lore. The Patriots team, however, is a fun team to watch, and—minus Rodney Harrison—are a classy group of players that plays the game the way it should be played. Even Randy Moss has cleaned up his act so far this season.

But seeing the mass hatred of the Pats makes me want to soften my stance even further, as I always subscribe to contrary public opinion. If I see or hear the majority going one way, I go the other on principle.

After seeing Don Shula ad nauseum Monday night and hearing the MNF commentators basically announcing that they wanted Baltimore to win, I can understand now why many Pats fans have embraced the "us against the world" mentality—even if it’s an unconventional one, since it is not a matter of them being outmatched, but rather just being painted as villains.  

Nevertheless, this "conspiracy" talk is amusing. It wouldn’t surprise me; Tim Donaghy has killed any remaining innocence anyone may have had as to the above-reproach status of sports officials.

But I don’t see it…yet.

Did the refs get flag-happy in that last drive Monday night—which just happened to be the game winning drive for the Patriots? I think it’s obvious.

But did the Ravens’ immaturity, lack of discipline, accountability, and class also add to their demise? Unquestionably.

In the end, that is what cost the Ravens the game. Not the refs.
 
Maybe the most important thing I learned Monday night came courtesy of a female Pats' fan I watched the fourth quarter with. Apparently, there are many Tom Bradys. Her second favorite—and I suspect, many male Pats' fans number-one favorite—is "fourth quarter" Tom Brady.

Her number-one favorite—and I suspect, many female Pats' fans number-one favorite—is "nighttime" or the "fifth quarter" Tom Brady.

Fascinating. 

And to think, there might be a time where I’ll have to listen to female Cowboys fans talk about "fourth quarter" and "fifth quarter" Tony Romo like that.

If that means Romo has a ring or two or three, I can live with that.

The following pick is AGAINST THE SPREAD, NOT STRAIGHT UP.

Chicago Bears (+3) at Washington Redskins

As if the Sean Taylor situation wasn’t enough of a burden for the Redskins, Joe Gibbs made a startling confession during the week: His name is Joe and he’s got timeout issues.

Even fifteen-year-old potheads playing Madden in mommy’s basement know that you can’t call consecutive timeouts to ice a kicker at the end of a game. And a Hall of Famer coach? Not only did he not know, but he had to ask the side judge.
 
Both the Redskins and the Bears gave away their games last weekend.  Both the Redskins and the Bears are 5-7 and technically are still alive in the rotted oak tree of the NFC. Hey, 8-8 could get you a wildcard in that dog.

Chicago doesn’t particularly impress me, but with all the turmoil the Redskins have had—especially coming back so quickly after the gut-wrenching loss of a teammate—I see the Redskins being emotionally exhausted and distant in this game, which should allow the Bears to hang around even with Rex "Go get your f***ing shinebox" Grossman at QB.