Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley Still Roommates (Satire)

Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley reportedly have just purchased a house in Cleveland so that they would maintain the ability to live together. The inseparable pair has managed to stick together a little longer.

The ex-Longhorns have literally never been apart. Growing up in the same town, Shipley and McCoy were friends from the time when they first left the womb. 

“I remember throwing a football to Jordan when we were three years old. Hell, we were even potty trained together,” McCoy explained to the local newspaper in Cleveland. “Some of the toughest times of my life were when we had lockers on different floors in our high school buildings.”

The McCoy and Shipley families were also kind enough to tell reporters that their sons would dress up as Siamese twins for Halloween every year.

“It really wasn’t any different than normal though. People asked them why they didn’t dress up,” Case McCoy, Colt’s younger brother and a current freshman at the University of Texas said.

Somehow, this dynamic duo even managed to maintain identical schedules throughout their entire tenure at the University of Texas. Their second-year Russian teacher Mr. Tchaikorioulias told the Dallas Morning News that the two young men often caused disruptions in his classroom, as they just couldn’t stop talking.

“Rigging the system to have the same schedules wasn’t even the toughest thing about being such good friends with Colt. You should hear him snore,” the standout wide receiver said with a slight twinkle in his eyes. “And that wasn’t even the toughest part.”

“Yeah,” said Colt,” you wouldn’t even believe how often I had to hear Jordan complain that he forgot his first names. When the announcers started saying he was my roommate after every play, all the students on campus starting calling him Roommate.” He laughed and then continued, “Even I forgot his name was Jordan sometimes.”

With all that history between the two friends, is it really any surprise that they’re living together again?

It seems as though the commute doesn’t really bother Shipley as he’s told everyone that the drive to Cincinnati for practice every day isn’t really all that bad. “It’s worth it to just get to bask in Colt’s presence every day,” the future-Bengals Pro Bowler said.

As for the Browns quarterback, McCoy told the Cincinnati Enquirer that he was so glad he at least got to live with his best friend. “It’s made the transition to the NFL a lot easier. Now if only I can convince Mike Holmgren to trade our entire team for Jordan. . .”