Beware The Red-Balled Menace: Adult Kickball

Now that the World Cup  is over for another four years, American sporto-centric fans can turn their ire from soccer to another form of foot-related fungus:

Organized adult kickball leagues.

Just about every playground veteran has experienced kickball, and until recently, those memories usually ended with childhood transitions into soccer or baseball or softball. In the last 10 years, adult leagues have been popping up across the country, usually in large metropolitan areas.

Like a lot of kids, I used to love kickball. The beautiful game... and one of the simplest and cheapest, too. Played like baseball, you need about a dozen kids, a ball and a yard. Had this idea blossomed in about 1985, I would have tried to secure regional franchise rights.

I’d read with some bemusement stories of adult kickball leagues on ESPN.com  and even the Wall Street Journal . But the real red flag appeared in my local big-box sporting goods store, where I came face-to-face with the “official” red rubber ball of the World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA ).

Leave it to adults to wreck another childhood pastime.

It used to be coins or stamps, then moved on to action figures and baseball cards in the 70s and 80s. As with those collecting endeavors, if it possessed profit potential, it was exploited. Markets were saturated until they exploded, and some never recovered. If the products depicted living human beings, their legal exploits didn’t help. Just ask anyone in the 25-45 demographic about their shoe boxes full of O.J. Simpson  and Barry Bonds  memorabilia.

Through the wonders of Internet search—another wonder with maximized profit potential—I pulled up more than two million links for “kickball," plus the back story of WAKA. The idea for an adults-only kickball federation was launched in the Washington, D.C. area  in the late 90’s. Naturally, as popularity swelled, some infighting and competition began, and rival circuits sprang up.

Proving once and for all that truth is stranger than fiction, a set of “official” rules were published and intellectual property was claimed by one side. Apparently without enough legal action crowding court dockets  inside the Beltway, legal teams joined the kickball brouhaha. Eventually, the rival leagues settled out-of-court in 2008.

Nothing like representing the interests of Washington-insider types during the tea party era. Makes the Abner Doubleday-Alexander Cartwright controversies over baseball's origins look like a real playground game.

As obesity rates continue to defy gravity, I suppose any outdoor adult activity should be applauded, but grouches like me still think of kickball as a kids activity. I'm not begrudging the adults their fun, but the leagues seem awfully commercialized. My favorite kickball action is still that stumbled upon on a playground during a walk or ride.

Hopefully for the kids it’s available in a PSP version.