A Salute [sic] To George Huguely, College Lacrosse's Original Hard Man

Today, while Charlottesville mourns the loss of one of its angels, Yeardley Love, I take this moment, dear brothers and sisters of sports and sports nuts around planet Earth, to speak my anathema on a certain individual whose carnal instinct and thirst for blood would be best suited for an octagon rather than a lacrosse pitch.

Mr. George Huguely, I bestow on thee the epithet of "College Lacrosse's Original Hard Man." And I say this out of gratitude and disgust, of exultation and damnation, of praise and curse.

Yes, dear brothers and sisters, he has done. Oh yes, he has. George, George, George of Virginia, thug as you can be...you have done it.

You said to the world, "I will not stand to earn such a cheap piece of parchment that this Thomas Jefferson folly cannot issue in honorary fashion. Therefore I shall defy thee and slay my ex-girlfriend to show that I am a man and I want blood!" You did this with the roar of a lion while baring the teeth of a coward.

Mr. Huguely, you made easy on yourself to martyr Yeardley Love and smash her head against a wall. You left her lying facedown on a pillow drenched with her blood and took her computer away.

Dear George, I would be remiss not to tell you that only a hard man of your caliber would go so far as to become a white savage, born out of a privileged upbringing, capable of committing crimes that the mass media exploits on the marginalized races in this country. The minorities, I mean. The minorities.

Ahhh, my friend. If the courts in your state dare not lay on you the death penalty, I declare you the most luckiest hard man to ever end his life in prison.

So easy indeed that not even a Staples Easy Button is needed to proclaim...oh wait, I just pressed it now. Bam, I pressed it again.

Oh, the tragedy for poor, poor Yeardley. Such a beautiful name. It reminds me of a mythical princess of the highlands, left to disappear into the mist.

Your fate is sealed, and your legacy crumbled into the bowels of Satan's abode.

They say Virginia is for lovers, dear George Huguely. I love you much, bro, that I salute you...with my two middle fingers and a wish that when you are consigned to the maximum security hoosegow in your side of the country, a Corte Corbata and a Corte Florero are dealt to you in swift fashion.

Look those two terms up while you are still alive, you disgraced Cavalier. For you, George Wesley Huguely V, are College Lacrosse's Original Hard Man.