March Madness: A Clueless Person's Guide To The Tournament

In case the headline seems ambiguous, this is a "clueless" look at the NCAA March Madness tournament. The writer bears no responsibility for the outcome of these picks, as they are clueless.

If you haven't watched one minute of college basketball in the last 10 years then this bracket is for you.

This is the bracket cobbled together from watching ESPN while blogging, glancing at headlines while surfing the Internet, and taking what you hear from your friends while drinking at the local pub.

It's very important that you pick at least one No. 1 team to be upset in the first round, because everyone knows a No. 1 gets upset early. So Kansas is right out because that's the first Number One team I saw on the bracket.

Going down the left side of the bracket, because if each region has a name I can't be bothered to know it, the next match up features UNLV, so since I'm familiar with that University, we'll go with them.

Then we pick New Mexico State because I'm from Ohio and can't pick any team from Michigan. Go with Maryland because it's closer to my house than Houston and Tennessee because I've been there. Finally, both Ohio teams get picked as well as Georgia Tech because I had a bad experience in Oklahoma City.

The second region obviously is Syracuse because they're the Number One seed, followed by Gonzaga, UTEP, Vanderbilt and Xavier because . . . well why not?

Rounding out the second region we have Oakland because picking any team from Pittsburgh goes against my religion. This strictly religious pick is followed by BYU and Kansas State because I actually saw a highlight or two from those teams in the last week, so they must be good.

Going to the next region, beginning with Kentucky, you pick all the higher seeds because nothing about any of the teams tickled my brain. Scratch that, I'll take Wake Forest over Texas because rooting for a college named "Wake Forest" will count as a green credit on my taxes.

In the final region, Duke has won this thing before, I believe, so we'll have to pick them. Then you take Louisville over California because saying "Louisville" with different emphasis on different syllables is much more fun than saying California with an Austrian accent.

Then there's Texas A&M and Purdue because I hear those schools mentioned all the time. You take Old Dominion over Notre Dame because Old Dominion sounds like it'll call a hit out on you if you don't pick them.

Sam Houston St. is a no-brainer. How can you not take a University named after Sam Houston? C'mon man, think.

Rounding out the bracket, I've got Richmond and Robert Morris. I've been to Richmond and my wife went to Robert Morris.

There you go a completely unbiased, unfiltered, unfathomably stupid look at the NCAA March Madness tournament.

UPDATE: Looks like I went 8-8 on Day One.