Liver's NFL Week 10 Picks: Giants to Cover Against the Cowboys

Friday, November 9 2007: 6:43 PM – Outpatient Check-Out Room

Oh shit. Not again. What was her name? I swear she gave it to me.

I suppose the games must go on. Some things wait for no man.

Most normal men want the same thing. I want something more.  I've noticed as I age that my frustration only grows with those who don't understand my way of thinking.

Okay it’s time I leveled with you: I’m what some folks call a User.

By the way, I’m suing Cingular and AT&T on the grounds of false advertising. That “more bars in more places” thing is going to cost them a lot of money.

Anybody want the number of my lawyer?

Only Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Vick, Bill Belichick, Roger Goodell, and Travis Henry's nine kids and nine mommas would be drunk enough to question the Esteemed Liver's picks.

Last week's record: 8-6

2007 record against the spread: 59-64-7

Anyone who wants to criticize the Liver’s record is welcome to submit his own picks on the site each week and see if he can do better.

If not, kiss my drunk ass and be bold for once in your life.

Sunday, November 11

Atlanta (+4) at Carolina

At 4-4, Carolina is just a game behind Tampa Bay for the lead in the NFC South—or as I like to call it the “Thanks for coming but New Orleans seems to have gotten back on line” division.

I think Arthur Blank wishes he could pull a Nicky Santoro and put Michael Vick’s head in a vice for ruining his franchise. From now on these sorts of matchups will be known as “I think my Bloody Mary needs refreshing” games.

Pick: Carolina

 

Minnesota (+6) at Green Bay

I’ll say it again: The Packers are the most mystifying 7-1 team I’ve ever seen.

With no run game and Brett Favre's having to win games with his arm, expect them to start crashing back to Earth over the next month.

Adrian Peterson, despite being a Sooner, continues to amaze me. Last week, the Vikings made pretty short work of a Chargers team people thought were starting to come around.

The Vikings can stop the run...but what good will it do them here? They need to be able to stop the pass, which is something they can’t do.

Still, Peterson might be good enough to single-handedly keep them in this one.

Pick: Minnesota

 

Denver (+3) at Kansas City

Remember the days when the AFC West used to be good? You wouldn’t know it watching these two teams.

I still can’t believe the Chiefs are TIED with the Chargers for the division lead at 4-4. Meanwhile, we might be watching the beginning of the end of the Mike Shanahan Era in Denver.

The Broncos need a Gunny Hartman-type to get in their faces and give them a good talking to.

“You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass. You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you.”

Pick: Kansas City

 

Buffalo at Miami (+3)

You know it’s a bad season in Miami when Don Shula’s remarks are more entertaining than the team.

Buffalo has actually gotten something in their bag the last few weeks. Look for them to fatten it up today.

Pick: Buffalo

 

St. Louis (+11 1⁄2) at New Orleans

And for the “Only in the NFC” news of the week: Look for New Orleans to go over .500 for the first time this season after starting out 0-4.

That’s worthy of a Dutch Wagenbach, “You gotta be shitting me” from The Shield.

Pick: New Orleans

 

Cleveland (+9 1⁄2) at Pittsburgh

God, what's the point of this life? Better yet, WHY did you have to make the Browns good this year?

I feel like Sensei Kreese here, but “mercy is for the weak” when it comes to the Browns. Need I remind you that the first round pick the Cowboys own is slipping further and further down the board?

What was that God? They’re playing the Steelers this week at the Ketchup?  Acknowledged, Master Control.

Pick: Steelers

 

Jacksonville (+4) at Tennessee

Both of these teams are slugging it out for a Wild Card berth behind the Colts in the AFC South.

The Amazing Vince may not look pretty on the field, but last time I checked all he did was win games. Jacksonville, meanwhile is praying for the healthy return of David Garrard—but their defense is still good enough to grind against offensively-challenged teams like the Titans.

Pick: Jacksonville

 

Philadelphia (+3) at Washington

Filthy may be out of the NFC East race, but the Eagles can still cause problems for the Redskins, whose dominating secondary has been bitten by the injury bug.

Pick: Filthy

 

Cincinnati (+4) at Baltimore

Talk about two teams with delusions of adequacy. Maybe I can have one more Bloody Mary.

Pick: Cincinnati

 

Detroit (+1) at Arizona

If this one weren’t on at the same time as the Cowboys, I might be tempted to watch.

The Lions are intriguing. The offense and defense have been in sync the last few weeks.

And yes, I’m still eagerly awaiting the December 9th Kitna Bowl at Ford Field, where I expect to see DeMarcus Ware parade around the field with Kitna's head on a stick.

Pick: Detroit

 

Dallas at N.Y. Giants (+1 1⁄2)

And now I give you the NFC Game of the Week.

Last week the Cowboys showed they might have turned the corner by destroying the Eagles in Filthy. The Dallas offense leads the NFC in scoring at 33 points per game, and the secondary has been getting better and healthier each week.

This Sunday will see the Cowboys debut of Tank “Don’t bring your guns to town” Johnson in limited D-tackle duty.

The Giants have rebounded nicely from an 0-2 start, which saw their secondary resemble something like Moses parting the Red Sea. With the healthy return of Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora, the Giants pass rush has been dominant.

This game will hinge on Tony Romo’s ability to avoid the pass rush and make plays with his feet. Both teams will score points. The better pass rush will determine the outcome.

After last week, I seriously considered taking the Cowboys—but they aren’t going to beat every NFC team, and the Giants will have revenge on their minds after the beating they took in Dallas opening night.

Never bet with your heart boys and girls...despite the temptation.

Pick: Giants

 

Chicago at Oakland (+3 1⁄2)

Did I ever mention my entire life savings would buy me a case of Natural Light and a bottle of rotgut bourbon?

I’m VERY excited about it, unlike this game.

Pick: Chicago

 

Indianapolis at San Diego (+3 1⁄2)

Okay, now the Colts can get back to the rest of the season after last week's loss to the Patriots.

San Diego once again showed that a Norv Turner team is no match for reality. Poor Norv.

I know the Chargers are still dealing with the aftermath of the fires...but Turner is just NOT a head coach.

Pick: Colts

 

Monday, November 12

San Francisco (+10) at Seattle

And now for the matchup of the week in the NFC West...or as I like to call it the “One-and-done in the playoffs” division.

And to think, Monday nights used to present opportunities to lie to the girlfriend and tell her there was something important happening in the world.

Thank you so much ESPN. I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.

Pick: Seattle