A Day In The Life Of a TNA Star

‘beep beep beep’... aww...zzzzzz... ‘beep beep beep’ ....zzzz... say hello to the bad guy....zzzz.... ‘beep beep beep’ ...ahhh... It’s the Outsiders Edge...zzzzz.... ‘beep beep beep.’ Huh? What? Alright I’m awake, I’m awake. Man my head hurts. What time is it? Aw man it’s only two-thirty, why am I awake so early?

OK, what to wear? Hmmm, OK should I go for the black original nWo tee? Or the one that says ‘nWo Hollywood?’ OK original it is. Man I love this shirt. It’s gotten a bit small though I must have shrunk it in the laundry or something cause it don’t seem to fit no more. It’ll do, I ain’t got nothing else anyway.

Man I’m hungry, what have I? Let’s see. Here we go, some nice pasta para bocaditos...mmm...ugh...man these taste like crap... damn Cuban food, where’s my real food gone? I guess I’ll just wash down that taste with some good old fashioned American Jack... ah thats better.

I think I’ll head down the shops.... just open up the door... “wah da da wah wah new world order wah da da wah wah new worl...” man I gotta turn that music off, it happens every time I open the damn door, who the hell put it there? Hey there’s my neighbour... “Hey Yo Mrs.Smith chico?”... “oh good morning Scott, were you out on the town last night?” ... “I don’t even know anymore essé” ... “OK, have a nice day son!” ... “You know it, nWo4 Life!” Ha she calls me son, but I’m like 51 man...

Ok, what do I need to buy?... Right I’m gonna need some black spray-paint... you can never have too much black spray-paint and it helps to have it coz you’d never know when I and the guys might have to stamp our authority on someone’s back... OK, two bottles of Jack, twenty bottles of Bud, bottle of Jagermeister... yep that should do me till I get the free drinks in the iMPACT Zone... and I need a jar of pomade... nah I’ll just buy some cooking oil instead, does the same job..... “Will that be all sir?” ... “Naw chico, I need two nWo tees, large, a set of nWo action figures, and a box of toothpicks essé” ... “Here are your toothpicks sir, but we stopped stocking nWo stuff about ten years ago, and are you sure you can still fit into the large shirt sir? May I recommend an XXL?” ... Man this guy has some nerve, I think he just insulted me ... “What did you say chico? You people know who I am? Say hello to the bad guy! You want me to outsider’s edge your ass?” Yeah that showed himm, If he ain’t careful he’ll be gettin’ ‘nWo’ on his back...

Hey yo I gotta go down the iMPACT Zone in a little while... maybe I’ll give the guys a call.... “Yo Big Sexy! Whats happenin’ chico?” ... “Whats up Scott?” ... “man where’s the party at chico?” ... “Scott, I haven’t partied with you for years, I’m going to see the kid after the show, no partying” .... Man whats up with Nash? ... “Yo Pac whats up essé?” ... “Yo Studd, the party after iMPACT, drinking competition man, I got the X-Factor! Your ass is grass and I’m gonna smoke it! And if you’re not down with that...” ... “Aright chico, see you later, nWo 4 Life!” ... Man, Pac is seriously living in the past...

Hey maybe I’ll watch some WWE, you know, scope out the competition... as one of the biggest stars on TNA, I feel I have a duty to do it... Man this sucks... who the hell is John Cena? ... hey look they got Bret back... man he was such a waste of talent, he was never even in the nWo for Pete’s sakes ... Hey there’s Hunter and Shawn, I was actually just organising a Kliq reunion, but all the guys pulled out last minute, it ended up being just me and Pac ... Screw this, I’m putting on a WCW DVD ... “You all know who I am, but you don’t know why I’m here...” man I love this part ... “we’re the New World Order of Professional Wrestling Brother...” yeah, you tell ‘em Hulkster... “Hey bro are you really Andre the Giant’s son?” ... hey man, I am one funny sumbitch... Hey I think it’s time to go to the iMPACT Zone man...

Man this iMPACT sucks... me and Pac gotta wait here in the God damn parking lot and then beat up Big Kev and then go out Partying... “Yo Pac! Go get some beer chico!” ... what’s with this TNA shirt, why can’t I just wear an nWo one? ... “Pac!” ... where is that guy gone, hey there’s Beer Money ... “yo chicos, y’all got any beer?” ... “Dude the show is on now; we only ever have one beer bottle filled with water during the show” ... damn Beer Money with no beer, that’s gotta be false advertising or somethin’ ... “Yo Studd, got some beers” ... It’s about time, I need a drink ...

“beep beep beep” ... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...