ShyneIV's NFL Week 17 Picks

I really tried not to write about the NFL this week, but it’s harder than I thought. I figured I’d concentrate strictly on the NBA for the past couple of days, but truth is, it’s just not in me. This time it’ll be an abbreviated version of the NFL Picks. No need to worry, with the playoffs starting next week, I’ll be like Seth, Evan and McLovin in Superbad; I’ll be bringing the booze to the party to get it started. Let’s proceed with this week’s NFL picks….

Indianapolis (14-1) @ Buffalo (5-10) Bills starters will play whereas the Colts will rest the starters. Long story short, the game might be close early but Buffalo will pull away in the third quarter just like the Jets did last week. Pick: Bills win 24-16.

Jacksonville (7-8) @ Cleveland (4-11) I asked the question last week and yet no one can answer it with much certainty: would Joshua Cribbs outrun the Russians in Training Day? I say yes. What do you think? Pick: Browns win 20-17.

San Francisco (7-8) @ St. Louis (1-14) With the year coming to an end, Mike Singletary has a chance to get the 49ers to .500 with a win against the Rams. I think San Fran gets the job done. Pick: 49ers win 24-17.

Pittsburgh (8-7) @ Miami (7-8) I have been saying through the past two weeks and will keep on saying it: until the champs are actually eliminated, I’m picking them to be resilient and to win to get in. Pick: Steelers win 20-17.

NY Giants (8-7) @ Minnesota (11-4)

If Brett Favre takes a dump in the forest and everyone sees him do it, did it still happen? I swear the media (yes I’m talking to you Gruden and Jaworski ) keeps on defending Favre regardless of what he does.  Here are a series of acts I would like to see for Favre do, and I’ll give you the reactions of the media.

Scenario #1: Favre throws two interceptions against the Giants and they get returned for touchdowns. 

Gruden: “Man Favre realizes that the game is slipping away and is doing everything in his power to get his team back in it.” 

Jaworski: “Favre can’t complete passes in the National Football League if Adrian Peterson doesn’t pick up that blitzer. Peterson is a fabulous back but he can’t hang Favre out to dry like that.”

2. News breaks out that Favre has been cheating on his wife for the past two years with 15 different women. 

Gruden: “Man that Favre guy is such a gamer. He got tired of calling audibles at the line of scrimmage and instead decided to show the world his playbook. I commend Favre for his honesty, his longevity and his ability to amass records in every facets of his life.”

Jaworski: “The beauty of Favre’s game is that he does not limit himself to the intricacies of the west coast offense. Throughout his long career, he has a developed a knack for picking up offenses and executing them to perfection. No one in the history of the National Football League has scored more often than Favre, and no one can direct a two minute offense better than he. (Jaws isn’t talking football by the way).” 

3. Favre is arrested in a drug bust; narcotics seize 200 kilos of cocaine from his home. 

Gruden: “Man that Favre guy has played for this long without taking any pain killers. At some point, he was gonna need a pick me up. The best part about this though is that the man probably snorted out before games and still came to play. In addition, he made several sound business deals off the field to keep his family wealthy for years to come. What a guy.”

Jaworski: “No one in the history of the National Football League has distributed better than Brett Favre.  He is a man’s quarterback. Not only does he talk it, but he lives it and sells it. Forget all the numbers and all the records; this is the guy you want to be in a cell with.”

Pick: Gruden and Jaworksi unanimously pick the Vikings to win 24-20.

Atlanta (8-7) @ Tampa Bay (3-12) I fully expect the Falcons to finish this season with a winning record. Pick: Falcons win 27-23.

New Orleans (13-2) @ Carolina (7-8) John Fox must be kicking himself for not benching Delhomme. Once he went down, the team magically started winning games. But then again, the name of the game is to outscore your opponent; which you cannot do if you keep giving the ball back to your adversary with great field position. The Panthers are no longer doing that, hence they are winning. So Fox a good coach or a bad one for leaving Delhomme in? Pick: Panthers win 26-23.

New England (10-5) @ Houston (8-7) This week’s Aladdin game of the week. The Houston Texans are going to pull out the lamp, rub on it and have the genie come out. They will entertain a quick chat with the genie but they will not make a wish. The Texans will have led their fans to believe that they have a shot at the playoffs, but will then find a way to lose the game to the Patriots. Aladdin was a tease and so are the Texans. Pick: Patriots win 20-17.

Chicago (6-9) @ Detroit (2-13) Hypothetically speaking, if Jay Cutler wanted to make some more money, couldn’t he just bet money on how many interceptions he would throw each game? It’s an odd thing to suggest but is it that far off? And what does that say about the Lions if I’m still picking the Bears to win? Pick: Bears win 23-19.

Baltimore (8-7)@ Oakland (5-10) Can the Raiders foil the Ravens playoff hopes? I think Oakland gives Baltimore a huge run for their money but in the end the Ravens will pull out a tough road win that should position them for the playoffs. Pick: Ravens win 20-17.

Green Bay (10-5)@ Arizona (10-5) This one might be a possible playoff preview and one of the best games of the day (with Philadelphia @ Dallas and Cincinnati @ NY Jets). The Cards will probably try to exploit the Packers pass defense but I have a feeling that Green Bay will do a great job defending the Cardinals receivers. Pick: Packers win 23-20.

Washington (4-11)@ San Diego (13-2) Apparently the Chargers will have their starters play on Sunday but they will eventually take their foot off the gas at some point and insert the back ups. This should be great news for the Redskins right? Well it’s actually good news as opposed to great news. Instead of getting blown out in San Diego, they will just lose a close game. Pick: Chargers win 20-17.

Tennessee  (7-8) @ Seattle (5-10) Unless you’re a Titans or Seahawks fan, you won’t be watching this one. Actually, even some of the these teams’ respective fans might just avoid this game altogether. Pick: Titans win 23-20.

Philadelphia (11-4) @ Dallas (10-5) The game of the week ladies and gentlemen. This game decides the NFC East and possibly the #2 seed in the NFC playoffs.  The Cowboys have had two questions to answer for over a decade:

1. Can Dallas win games in December? 

Well the Cowboys are 2-2 this season in the month of December. So they have won in December but they are still playing .500 ball for the month. So they’re winning but they aren’t lighting the world on fire.

2. Can the Cowboys get it done when it matters?

This is the biggest question that Dallas has yet to answer. They defeated the Saints in New Orleans a few weeks, giving them their first loss of the season. But with the division on the line, can Dallas step up and get it done? Can this team win in the playoffs? Until I actually see Dallas win a big game (you know, like defeating the Eagles at home with the division title on the line), the answer to this question is still no.  I expect to see DeSean Jackson dance at least once on Sunday. Pick: Eagles win 26-23.

Kansas City (3-12) @ Denver (8-7) Broncos need to win to stay in order to stay in the playoff hunt, while the Chiefs hope to win just to save face. Perhaps the Chiefs can make it interesting (doubt it) but I have the Broncos all the way. Pick: Broncos win 24-16.

Cincinnati (10-5) @ NY Jets (8-7) The Jets got a gift last week when the Colts rested their starters in the second half of their game. This week though, the Jets get no gifts, no presents and no soft treatment. The Bengals are going to take it to them as they try to stay in the hunt for the #3 seed in the AFC. Quick note though: If the Patriots win their early game against the Texans, they lock up the #3 spot; hence this game becomes meaningless. So the Jets actually might end up getting a gift depending on the outcome of the Pats game. Pick: Bengals win 24-21.