Classless Predictions: Those Who Suck The Least...

Jaded: 134-66

Indignant: 121-79


Indignant: Tis’ the season to hand out yearly awards. Most sites give out awards to the best, worst, etc. We decided to do things a little differently. Jaded and myself are continuously hating on teams and talking about how they’ve wronged or disappointed us. So in this weeks picks we will pick 1-2 players and/or coaches from each game who has disappointed us the least. Think of it as our best attempt at being positive and congratulatory.
So with that said,
Here’s to you
Those Who Have Pissed us off the Least.

Jaded: I have nothing to add except the girl in the picture definitely qualifies as someone who has yet to piss us off...

Bills (5-9) @ Falcons (7-7)
Indignant: . . . And the award for person whom I’ve ranted about way less than I expected goes to – T.O.!! I would’ve bet my soul that Skip Bayless would’ve called for your murder by this point in the season and yet instead, you’ve sneakily had a pretty decent season considering your age. You are fun to hate though, so I will fully expect a return to above and beyond hateability next season. (Falcons)

Jaded: ...And the award for the person who proves that preseason fantasy football analysis matters next to nothing goes to Michael Turner.  Here’s why I’m happy about you: the controversial decision on whether or not to take you or Adrian Peterson with the number one pick has given me a big reason to laugh at anybody who spends hours upon days buying magazines and listening to podcasts making a huge production out of having the first pick and calling it a misfortune.  Screw you people, because I always had like the fifth pick – no matter how many leagues I was in.  You’ll make my life easier next year because I’ll more or less just ignore what everybody else says.  (Falcons)



Broncos (8-6) @ Eagles (10-4)
Indignant: Josh McDaniels, I am pretty sure you’ve forgotten where you are from. You are indeed a direct descendant of the Belichek coaching tree and thus you should remember to stop showing any semblance of human emotion. Also, try to be a bit more smug and arrogant. You were actually somewhat likeable this season while exceeding mostly everyone’s expectations. Please go back to chasing triple-chinned quarterbacks out of town and pissing off your best offensive weapon so that we can all berate and bemoan you. Thanks. (Eagles)

Jaded:  Michael Vick, what happened to you?  Two years ago you were strutting to court in your thousand dollar threads and making my Carolina Panthers fan life miserable as an Atlanta Falcon.  Now all of a sudden you’re removed from jail, barely getting any snaps, and you’re winning team awards for courage and sportsmanship.  Are you kidding me?  I honestly thought there could never be a player in professional sports I could loathe as much as I disliked you and suddenly I find myself quietly routing for you to get a new fresh start somewhere as a starting quarterback.  If you score a touchdown this week, and you will because Andy Reid doesn’t trust McNabb inside the ten yard line, do me a favor and bark in the endzone or something.  PLEASE!!  If you score, take a knee, and pray…I may be forced to find a new faith in religion or something; I can’t handle that.  (Eagles)


Bucs (2-12) @ Saints (13-1)
Indignant: Mr. Reggie Bush. You came out of college with more hoopla and expectation than anyone in recent memory. Despite this you have settled into a perfectly executed role-playing position. I would like to request, on behalf of pundits everywhere, that you go back to being overused and getting injured within the first 4 weeks of the season. I find it very hard to believe when I do not hold the adequate amount of disdain for a graduate of USC; please help me to rectify this as soon as possible. (Saints)

Jaded:  Antonio Bryant, I commend you.  This time last year you were an offensive juggernaut, scoring at will and torching people with the long ball.  This year you have literally done next to nothing…like at all.  Then again, you’re a wide receiver in the NFL so you should be whining about your quarterback or the suing the doctor who operated on your knee, I don’t know but you should be doing SOMETHING to complain.  Is there something in the water in Tampa Bay or something?  This team has two wins and NOBODY is complaining.  This is the NFL, right?  (Saints)


Chiefs (3-11) @ Bengals (9-5)
Indignant: This game signifies a Confluence of Coach-Hating for me. Marvin Lewis has always been likeable, but has underachieved and justly deserved being made fun of. Todd Haley on the other hand, has seemed like a doucher even when he was with Arizona and has somehow achieved levels of success and avoided any real scorn. So I give both of these gentleman the award this season for flying under the radar enough that we’ve forgotten that they’re pretty awful (Lewis) and pretty hateable (Haley). (Bengals)

Jaded:  I’ve touched on this just about every week since it’s happened, but it’s officially time for me to give the award.  The best Twitter-er of the year award goes to Larry Johnson.  It should also be noted that this award comes with a big asterisk, as Chad Ochocinco would have challenged for this award had he been allowed to Tweet from the sidelines during games.  Damn you NFL anti-Twitter policy, damn you to hell.  (Bengals)


Cowboys (9-5) @ Redskins (4-10)
Indignant: Jim Zorn, oh Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy. . . I really kind of feel bad for Jim Zorn; I am sure that if I had a vested interest in the quality of play of the Redskins I may feel differently, but I don’t. He gets the award for being the basset hound of the league. When the Redskins are on offense; whether they are driving down the field, or going three and out, I look at Jimmy Boy on the sidelines and just picture a sad dog lying on the floor with his cheeks dropping down. Enjoy it while you can Jim, because Ol’ Man Snyder is going to be bringing you out back and ending your misery very soon. Mr. New-Golden-Retriever-Shanahan is being shipped in from the breeders in Colorado as we speak. (Cowboys)

Jaded:  The award for the person I should hate but somehow feel pity for goes to none other than Mr. Tony Romo.  He’s the quarterback for the cockiest team in the league and somehow I still like what he’s doing.  The guy should be flipping off the media after every TD pass but instead he’s just trucking along and moving the ball.  On top of that, watching Carrie Underwood sitting in the Ottawa Senators bleachers wearing a 1.2 million dollar rock this week just put me over the edge.  I’m really trying to hate you Tony, but you’re not making it easy.  Maybe you should appear in a Jessica Simpson music video of the summer to make this easier on me?  Meh, who am I kidding, something tells me you might actually keep your head on this time around.  What is the world coming to?  (Cowboys)


Jaguars (7-7) @ Patriots (9-5)
Indignant: I really hate to admit this, but the Patriots are actually less hateable than I would’ve expected them to be this year. I don’t like it one bit, but those are the ramifications of what were doing here, and the Pats fit that perfectly. During the pre-season I fully expected them to be 14-0 right now and be plowing their way through the AFC, and they’re not. So with that said, I guess I have a lot less to complain about them than I potentially could have. (Patriots)

Jaded:  Jack Del Rio wins the award for being the coach that should be fired…but nobody seems to notice.  I’m not a big fan of seasons being made about the impending doom of a head coach (read: Redskins, Cowboys, Texans, etc.).  I like teams that keep things like this under wraps and just do what they have to do in the offseason.  Thanks for not making this about your underachieving coach, Jacksonville.  (Pats)


Jets (7-7) @ Colts (14-0)
Indignant: I feel as though I have a perfectly adequate amount of dislike for everyone involved in this game; with the sole exception of Peyton. I know it’s boring and has been said before, but the man plays out of his mind every year and somehow continues to make very good decisions on how to be portrayed in the world of advertising. Kudos to Peyton and Peyton’s people, because for someone who plays on a dominant team and reeks havoc on a few teams that I root for, I still enjoy the heck out of watching him on and off the field. Damn you Manning. Now if you’d only club your mouth-breathing brother to death I would probably have to buy your jersey. (Jets)

Jaded:  Here’s something you never thought you’d hear from me:  the Dr. Jaded award to the most interesting head coach goes to….Rex Ryan?  Sure he looks like he should be competitively eating, but that’s not al he uses his mouth for!  (Insert Mark Sanchez joke here for me, please?)  Here’s the thing about him though:  he makes football press conferences entertaining.  When somebody calls out the Jets he NEVER hesitates.  This guy is basically what I would be if I were coaching an NFL team.  In September when the Jets were 4-0 (wow, seems sooooo long ago) the 49ers accused him of tampering with Michael Crabtree and he just came out and said ‘I wish we were playing them.’  When they beat the Patriots he put Bellichick on blast and this week he pretty much BEGGED Jim Caldwell to sit Manning, Freeney, and company.  I might be in the minority here but I really do enjoy trash talk and Rex Ryan brings that to the table in bunches.  (Insert fat joke here for me, please?)  (Colts)


Lions (2-12) @ 49ers (6-8)
Indignant: If you’ve read this before you know I am a 49er fan, so I am obviously too far into that forest to accurately rate my feelings for them. So that leaves me with the Lions. The Lions are not easy to hate. Saying you hate them or dislike them would be like calling a cancer patient annoying for talking to loudly in a restaurant. You just bite your tongue and remember the pain and anguish they’ve been through. Yes, I just compared the Lions to a cancer patient. They’re the only team to ever go 0-16; I think it works. (49ers)

Jaded:  I recently listened to a podcast where they tried to name the Pro Bowlers from each conference.  Needless to say all three of the podcasters (is that a word?  Microsoft Word says no; your thoughts?) neglected to mention Vernon Davis as having a phenomenal season as a tight end.  So the award for the player who phoned it in for four years then broke out and might just be the keystone to a BIG offensive future in the bay area goes to Vernon Davis.  As much as I hate to see Indignant happy I have to admit that between Davis, Gore, Crabtree, their defense, and insert to-be-named future quarterback here the 49ers might be on to something.  (49ers)


Panthers (6-8) @ Giants (8-6)
Indignant: As a 49ers fan, I should root vehemently against the Panthers, since we get their draft pick in the upcoming draft. For some reason though, they are pretty likeable. Expecially after they started off the season in such a crappy manner. They’re now a pretty fun-to-root-for underdog in most of these games. They seem to actually be playing hard for Coach Fox now, which definitely helps too. Damn you Carolina Panthers, damn you all to hell. (Giants)

Jaded:  I should probably follow my own trend and comment on the team Indignant didn’t mention, but I would be remiss as a Panthers fan if I didn’t mention what I’m going through right now.  I have been confident the Panthers were finishing 6-10 this year since the schedule came out in March (coincidentally this is when they resigned poor poor Jake Delhomme).  Regardless, this prediction came hand and hand with the sad fact that I would have to start hating John Fox and be ready to see him fired and replaced by **gulp** Bill Cowher in 2010.  Sadly, after 15 weeks I still feel an attachment to the Silver Fox and I’m not exactly ready to see him leave.  Games like last week against Minnesota remind me that this team can still get up for Fox when they want to.  So the award to the man in Carolina that I was supposed to hate by now but still can’t goes to John Fox.  You’ll be missed either way, John.  (Panthers…for Fox dammit!)


Raiders (5-9) @ Browns (3-11)
Indignant: Eric Mangini is another smug and arrogant branch growing from the Belicheck coaching tree. I should definitely hate him more than I do. I think maybe I just like the nickname “Mangenuis.” If they called him something like “Eric the Great,” I’d probably just want to punch him in the throat. (Raiders)

Jaded:  Someone explain to me how JaMarcus Russell goes from overrated pudding pop addict to a lovable and plump pudding pop addict who I kinda sorta want to see do well?  I’m not saying I’m a fan, and I’m not saying I agree with the decision to take him instead of Calvin Johnson a few years ago.  I’m just saying that watching the guy who was a monster at LSU become an afterthought on a laughable team sort isn’t as much fun for me as it should be.  Actually, screw it, as a fellow Polish boy I’m putting everything I have behind Gradkowski.  (Raiders)


Rams (1-13) @ Cardinals (9-5)
Indignant: Kurt Warner should definitely share in the hate I have for his should-be-retired-I’m-so-over-the media-lapping-you-up-brother Bret Favre. He doesn’t though. Even with him annoying me with his Jesus Saves Spiel, I still kind of root for him. I don’t understand it, and I don’t like it one bit. (Cardinals)

Jaded:  I don’t care who gives the most money to philanthropy.  Sure, it’s a nice gesture, but the BEST NFL citizen HAS to be Stephen Jackson.  Imagine if TO, Randy Moss, or some other tremendous athlete spent their prime years on a terrible team?  Oh wait, you’re telling me they did?  Were they as noble as SJax?  I rest my case.  (Cardinals)


Ravens (8-6) @ Steelers (7-7)
Indignant: I should rightfully hate Big Ben. Everyone should; and A LOT of people do. He has garnered way more success, with way less tangible talent than probably anyone else in the league. He’s fat. He’s ugly. From everything I’ve gather he seems to be pretty damn stupid too. Yet he still can stay upright in the pocket and make throws that I only remember the Elways and Marinos of the world making. He has two Super Bowl rings that many people will say are directly attributed to his defense, his running back and the refs; when he makes a throw like he did last week though, even his naysayers across the board have to nod their head in acknowledgement. (Steelers)

Jaded:  Coming from someone who’s had the ‘pleasure’ of meeting Ben a few times, you can also add ‘he’s an asshole’ to the previous list.  By the way, sticking with the theme, watching Ray Lewis ‘mentor’ Ray Rice kind of makes me forget he kinda killed somebody that one time.  So the person in the NFL who should be on death row that I hate the least award goes to Ray Lewis.  Congratulations, now accept the award and back away with your hands where I can see them.  Kthxbai.  (Steelers)


Seahawks (5-9) @ Packers (9-5)
Indignant: Aaron Rodgers, I should hate you because you should be playing for the 49ers. Instead we drafted that bag of bones who calls himself Alex Smith. So instead of watching you thrive in the Bay Area where you grew up playing for my favorite team, I have to watch you sling the ball in the negative temperatures of Cheese-Town U.S.A. Aaron Rodgers, I thoroughly enjoy watching you play football, and for that reason alone, I kind of hate you a little less than I rightfully could. (Packers)

Jaded:  Alright, Seahawks, this is where you shine.  By all counts I should hate you.  You’ve cost me a LOT of money in gambling this year either by failing to cover when you should or succeeding in covering against better teams when you shouldn’t.  Regardless I still find myself cheering for you as my own little loveable loser on the West Coast.  Come back next year with Forsett and a TBD QB and we’ll try again, ok?  Sweet.  (Packers)


Texans (7-7) @ Dolphins (7-7)
Indignant: Tony Sparano seemed like a one and done coach from the day the Dolphins announced him. I remember thinking “what a schlub.” He has actually done a tremendous job with very little to work with in Miami though. They are quietly building something down there and becoming pretty easy to root for even though they’re uniform designer may have been an idiot and hated porpoises. I mean why else would he put the helmet right on top of the poor dolphins blow hole? (Dolphins)

Jaded:  As long as we’re being honest, I can’t think of any one party in Houston that has made me any less mad than any other party.  I’m too lazy to do any sort of research, but I’m pretty confident in saying that 9 of my 66 wrong picks have involved the Texans.  Save me some time and just read everything I said about the Seahawks and apply it to the Texans.  Since I can’t logically give any award to a Texans offensive player I’m just going to give it to Mario Williams as my award for the guy who does just enough to stay under the radar but is still pretty solid.  You’re welcome, Mario; you can thank your bipolar offensive unit for this in your acceptance speech. (Dolphins)


Vikings (11-3) @ Bears (5-9)
Indignant: I really should hate Lovie Smith. I know that most Bears fans are asking for his head on a stick, and rightfully so. He has done so many things to make that team worse since they’re inexplicable Super Bowl appearance. It’s almost as if he was hired by the Green Bay organization as a saboteur a while back and they’ve been able to hide it. He has been so awful, but his name is Lovie! I know I couldn’t fire him; or anyone named Puppy or Ice Cream either. (Vikings)

Jaded:  Favre just saved his season against Carolina.  He almost had the best season a 40 year old could have in the league, and then he opened his mouth and now, again, everything he accomplishes on the field will pail in comparison to what he does behind the scenes.  So my award for the walking media circus who pretended to play nicey-nice for fifteen weeks goes to none other than the gun-slinging, audible calling, touchdown throwing, under-the-bus-coach-burying Brett Favre.  God I love the NFL.  (Vikings)